[IDDLEDYWINK  TALES 


TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES 


f 


'1 


JIMMIEBOY.' 


TlDDLEDYWINK  TALES 


BY 


JOHN  KENDRICK  BANGS 

ILLUSTRATED  BY 
CHARLES  HOWARD  JOHNSON 


NEW-YORK 
R.  H.  RUSSELL  &  SON 

MDCCCXCI 


•  "«CopYRici£f,  iSgf''  2  V/ 
BY JOHN,  KENORICK  QANGS -  . 


TO 

KENNIBOY 


M54123 


I. 


JIMMIEBGtf.    ;,    ,     :  :.!  \ 

J  I  MM  IE  BOY  was  feeling  rather  tired.  He 
was  four  years  old,  and  had  been  play- 
ing ever  since  he  had  reached  the  happy  age 
of  six  months.  Before  that  time  Jimmieboy 
had  been  content  to  sit  on  his  nurse's  or  his 
mamma's  lap,  and  wonder  why  people  did  such 
queer  things  ;  but  when  he  realized  that  he  had 
really  reached  the  advanced  age  of  six  months, 
he  thought  it  was  high  time  he  should  stop  be- 
ing a  lap  baby,  and  assume  the  dignity  of  a  seat 
on  the  floor.  So  he  informed  his  parents  by 
means  of  certain  signs  and  struggles,  which 
they  at  once  understood,  that  he  had  made 
up  his  mind  to  get  down  on  the  carpet,  and 


io  TIDDLEDYW1NK  TALES. 

seek  his  fortunes  in  the  nursery  without  the 
assistance  of  anyone. 

And  Jimmieboy  succeeded  very  well  after 
this  declaration  of  infantile  independence.  It 
was  not  long  before  he  could  push  himself 
swiftly  around  the  nursery  with  his  left  leg, 
his  chubby  little  right  leg  doubled  up  under 
him,  and  his  pudgy  hands  flat  on  the  floor. 
Once  in  a  while,  to  be  sure,  he  would 
move  so  fast,  that  his  hands  could  not  keep 
up  with  the  rest  of  him,  and  then  he  would 
fall  over  on  his  little  nose,  but  this  did  not 
hurt  Jimmieboy.  The  little  nose  was  entirely 
too  little  to  be  hurt  very  much,  and  so  he  got 
on  famously. 

Before  he  was  a  year  old,  Jimmieboy  had 
succeeded  so  well  in  making  his  fortune  that 
he  owned  five  full  railroad  trains.  One  of 
the  trains  was  almost  as  heavy  as  Jimmieboy 
himself,  and  the  little  engineer  could  not 
make  it  go  without  taking  it  apart,  and  push- 
ing each  car  separately  before  him,  which 
suited  Jimmieboy  quite  as  well,  particularly 
when  it  came  to  pushing  the  engine  which 
had  a  beautiful  cowcatcher  and  six  lovely  red 
wheels, 


JIMMIEBOY,  ii 

In  addition  to  his  railroad  trains  Jimmie- 
boy  became  possessed  of  about  fifty  splendid 
horses — real  wool  horses,  solid  lead  horses 
with  white  saddles  painted  on  them,  and  little 
holes  in  their  backs  to  hold  the  soldiers  on  ; 
for  tin  soldiers  on  horseback  have  a  very  hard 
time  of  it,  not  so  much  because  the  horses  are 
skittish,  but  because  tin  soldiers  are  very 
stiff  and  cannot  ride  easily.  Then  Jimmie- 
boy  had  a  big  hobby  horse  that  sometimes 
made  him  quite  seasick  when  he  tried  to  ride 
him  ;  to  say  nothing  of  wooden  horses  with 
red  legs,  and  the  handsome  white  and  black 
iron  steeds  that  pulled  Jimmieboy's  fire-engine 
over  the  nursery  floor.  Then  he  had  books 
— linen  books  that  he  couldn't  tear  no  matter 
how  much  he  wanted  to  ;  a  funny  old  copy  of 
Mother  Goose  with  bright  colored  pictures  all 
through  it,  that  Jimmieboy's  grandma  had 
given  to  Jimmieboy's  papa  when  he  was  no 
larger  than  Jimmieboy ;  books  about  Santa 
Claus,  and  one  that  told  all  about  a  wonder- 
ful fellow  named  Jack,  who  built  a  house  that 
had  malt  in  it  for  rats  to  eat  ;  and  going  on 
to  tell  how  these  rats  were  killed  by  cats, 
that  Jimmieboy  knew  were  bothered  by 


12  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

clogs,  that  funny  cows  with  crumpled  horns 
tossed  in  the  air,  just  before  the  maiden  all 
forlorn  who  was  married  by  the  priest  all 
shaven  and  shorn  to  the  man  in  the  tattered 
and  torn  clothes,  came  to  milk  them,  to 
the  disgust  of  the  cock  that  crowed  in  the 
morn  to  wake  the  farmer  and  the  priest  all 
shaven  and  shorn.  Jimmieboy  liked  this 
book  very  much  because  his  papa  couldn't 
read  it  to  him  once  without  telling  him  the 
same  story  over  half-a-dozen  times,  which  was 
just  his  idea  of  what  a  story  ought  to  be. 
Then  he  had  besides  all  these  books,  no  end 
of  dollies,  and  lambs,  and  doggies,  and  Noah's 
Arks,  with  four  Noahs  to  each  Ark — with  all 
of  which  beautiful  things  he  had  been  play- 
ing for  three  years  and  six  months — so  no  won- 
der he  was  tired  on  this  particular  evening, 
and  ready  to  put  his  little  curly  head  on  his 
papa's  shoulder  and  be  rocked.  Besides  this, 
the  Tiddledywinks  had  been  put  to  bed  and 
Jimmieboy  had  no  further  use  for  that  day 
after  the  Tiddledywinks  had — as  he  thought 
— gone  to  sleep. 

The  reason  why  Jimmieboy  was  so  willing 
to  stop  playing  when  the  Tiddledywinks  had 


JIMMIEBOY.  13 

snuggled  down  in  their  basket,  and  were 
quietly  resting  after  their  day's  work,  was 
that  Jimmieboy  had  not  had  them  very  long 
—not  long  enough,  in  fact,  to  have  lost  his 
interest  in  them.  He  had  only  received 
them  that  morning  from  an  aunt  of  his  who 
lived  ever  so  far  away  from  Jimmieboy,  way 
down  in  the  South  where  oranges  grow  on 
trees  instead  of  on  fruit  stands  as  they  do 
where  Jimmieboy  lives,  and  where  most  of 
the  little  boys  of  Jimmieboy's  age  are  brown, 
like  chocolate  cakes,  and  whose  hair  curls 
tightly  on  top  of  their  little  round  heads, 
instead  of  falling  in  ringlets  for  other  boys  to 
pull  and  for  nurses  to  brush  around  their 
thumbs  early  in  the  morning  and  late  in  the 
afternoon.  The  box  containing  the  Tiddle- 
dywinks,  had  been  left  at  the  door  by  a  great 
friend  of  Jimmieboy's — the  expressman — who 
had  a  fine  name,  and  who  lived  up  to  it, 
Johnny  Larkin.  It  had  been  left,  as  I  say, 
by  Johnny  Larkin  that  morning  with  his 
auntie's  love,  just  as  some  weeks  before  sev- 
eral packages  that  were  too  heavy  for  Santa 
Claus  to  carry,  and  too  large  to  be  got  down 
through  the  chimney,  had  been  brought  by 


14  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

this  same  lovely  Johnny  with  Santa  Claus' 
love. 

So  Jimmieboy  thought  a  great  deal  of  his 
Tiddledywinks  and  had  been  playing  with 
them  nearly  all  that  day.  He  had  given  them 
rides  in  his  choo-choo  cars,  which  they  had 
accepted  with  stolid  indifference ;  he  had 
dropped  them  into  his  little  savings  bank  and 
then  got  his  mother  to  open  the  bank  to  get 
them  out  again  :  several  of  the  green  Tiddle- 
dywinks had  wandered  off  and  got  lost  under 
the  bureau  and  one  poor  little  blue  one  had 
been  nearly  drowned  in  Jimmieboy's  bowl  of 
milk  where  the  little  fellow  had  accidentally 
dropped  it  at  supper-time — for  they  all  sat 
down  to  supper  with  Jimmieboy  and  watched 
him  eat. 

They  had  all  been  rescued  however  by 
J  immieboy's  nurse  and  as  the  latter  and  J  immie- 
boy's  mamma  were  agreed  that  the  Tiddledy- 
winks must  by  this  time — half  past  six  o'clock 
in  the  evening — be  very  tired,  what  with  their 
journey  from  the  South  and  their  hard 
day's  work  playing  with  him,  Jimmieboy, 
who  is  a  kindly  little  fellow,  was  quite  willing 
that  they  should  be  put  to  rest  for  the  night 


JIMMIEBOY.  15 

and  when  a  few  minutes  later  Jimmieboy's 
papa  came  home  he  was  himself  not  at  all  op- 
posed, as  I  have  said,  to  climbing  up  on  his 
lap  and  snuggling  his  curly  head  down  on  his 
shoulder.  Then  his  papa  rocked  Jimmieboy 
and  started  to  sing  him  a  little  song  that  he 
had  written  himself  and  which  ran  very  much 
this  way — 

The  greatest  man  in  all  the  land 

Is  Jimmie,  Jimmie,  Jimmieboy. 
He  makes  more  noise  than  any  band 

Does  Jimmie,  Jimmie,  Jimmieboy. 
He  loves  to  lie  upon  the  floor 

And  like  the  lions  loudly  roar. 
He  runs  a  pocket  grocery-store, 

Does  Jimmie,  Jimmie,  Jimmieboy. 

Within  the  great  menagerie 

Of  Jimmie,  Jimmie,  Jimmieboy, 
The  queerest  animals  you'll  see — 

Oh  Jimmie,  Jimmie,  Jimmieboy — 
A  great  big  purple  el-i-phant, 

A  panther  and  a  shrimp-pink  ant, 
And  kangaroos  that  songs  do  chant 

For  Jimmie,  Jimmie,  Jimmieboy. 

Jimmieboy  liked  this  song  very  much  be- 
cause the  refrain,  "Jimmie,  Jimmie,  Jimmie- 
boy," as  his  papa  sang  it,  sounded  exactly  like 
a  railroad  train  going  by  with  full  steam  on, 


1 6  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

which  under  ordinary  circumstances  was 
Jimmieboy's  favorite  noise.  But  this  evening, 
the  song  was  not  so  entirely  interesting  be- 
cause Jimmieboy  heard,  or  thought  he  heard, 
voices  over  in  the  direction  of  the  Tiddledy- 
winks'  basket.  His  papa  evidently  did  not 
hear  the  voices  for  he  kept  on  singing  and 
rocking  to  and  fro,  and  for  a  minute  or  two 
Jimmieboy  thought  his  ears  must  have  de- 
ceived him  or  that  the  voices  came  from  the 
next  room — or  perhaps,  he  thought,  it  was  the 
big  cat  that  lived  next  door  purring  out  in 
the  hall — for  the  next-door  cat  was  very  fond 
of  Jimmieboy  and  used  to  come  in  ten  or  a 
dozen  times  a  day  to  see  how  he  was  getting 
along,  and  to  offer  to  kill  all  the  rats  Jimmie- 
boy wanted  him  to,  and  not  charge  him  a 
penny  for  it.  And  of  course  every  night 
when  Jimmieboy's  papa  got  home,  Tom  would 
have  to  walk  off,  because  Jimmieboy  liked  his 
papa  much  better  than  he  did  Tom,  although 
the  fur  on  Tom's  face  never  scratched  his 
cheek,  and  sometimes  when  his  papa's  razor 
was  not  quite  sharp  enough,  the  fur  on  his 
chin  was  rough,  and  left  Jimmieboy  with 
cheeks  as  red  as  apples.  Then  Tom  would 


JIMMIEBOY.  17 

go  out  in  the  hall  and  purr  softly  and  sweetly 
just  to  show  Jimmieboy  that  he  was  not  jeal- 
ous and  did  not  blame  him  for  being  fond  of 
his  papa. 

But  after  Jimmieboy  had  listened  a 
minute  he  knew  it  couldn't  be  a  voice 
from  the  other  room  or  the  purring  of  old 
Tom  out  in  the  hall.  He  became  certain  that 
the  voices  came  from  the  Tiddledywinks  on 
the  table,  and  in  a  minute  his  papa  stopped 
singing  and  he  could  hear  what  was  said  in 
the  basket. 


II.  . 

THE  BLUE  AND  RED  TIDDLEDYWINKS. 

IT  was  one  of  the  little  Blue  Ticldledywinks 
that  was  speaking.  Jimmieboy  could 
hardly  see  him  because  the  Tiddledywink 
was  sitting  over  by  the  inkstand  behind  the 
paper-weight,  but  he  could  understand  what 
he  said  perfectly. 

"  I  am  glad,"  Jimmieboy  heard  him  say,  "  I 
am  glad  I  am  a  Tiddledywink  and  not  a  doll- 
baby." 

<c  I  don't  see  why,"  said  the  Green  Tiddle- 
dywink, who  was  rolling  up  and  down  the 
paper  cutter  much  to  the  anxiety  of  the  big 
Green  Snapper,  who  was  afraid  he  would  fall 
off  and  nick  himself.  "  I  don't  see  why.  I 


THE  BL  UE  AND  RED   TIDDLED  Y  WINKS.     19 

should  think  it  would  be  very  nice  to  be  a 
doll-baby.  One  like  that  doll-baby  of  Jimmie- 
boy's,  for  instance.  She's  a  beauty.  She 
wears  shoes  with  real  buttons  on  'em.  She 
has  one  of  the  finest  red  silk  dresses  with  blue 
fringe  I  ever  saw  and  such  a  head  of  hair !  I 
don't  believe  there  are  less  than  five  hundred 
strands  of  real  old  gold  yellow  hair  on  that 
doll-baby's  head,  and  what  is  more,  when  she 
lies  down,  she  can  shut  her  eyes." 

"  That's  all  very  well,"  said  the  Blue  Tiddle- 
dywink  who  had  first  spoken.  ''  It's  a  very 
nice  thing  to  be  able  to  shut  your  eyes  when 
you  lie  down,  and  in  that  respect  the  doll- 
baby  is  better  off  than  we  are.  It  is  also  a 
fine  thing  to  wear  a  red  dress  with  blue  fringe, 
and  as  for  having  five  hundred  strands  of  real 
hair,  as  a  Tiddledywink  who  always  has 
been  and  always  will  be  bald,  I  have  no  criti- 
cism to  make  of  the  doll-baby  on  that  account. 
Some  people  might  say  I  was  jealous,  which 
I  am  not.  But  I  am  glad  I  am  a  Tidclledy- 
wink  just  the  same  and  not  a  doll-baby,  be- 
cause I  am  a  Tiddledywink  all  the  way 
through,  while  the  doll-baby  is  a  little  of  sev- 
eral things,  and  a  o-oocl  deal  of  nothing. 

o     '  o  o 


20  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

We  Tiddledywinks  are  what  we  appear  to 
be,  and  the  doll-baby  is  not." 

"How  do  you  know  that  ?  "  asked  the  Green 
Tiddledywink,  hopping  from  Jimmieboy's 
papa's  ash-receiver  into  the  basket.  "  Who 
told  you  ?" 

"  I  met  a  knife-handle  in  the  toy-closet  and 
he  told  me,"  returned  the  Blue  Tiddledywink. 
"  He  said  that  some  time  ago,  before  he  got 
broken  and  lost  all  his  blades,  Jimmieboy 
climbed  up  on  a  chair  one  day  and  took  him 
off  the  table  and  cut  the  doll-baby  nearly  in 
two  with  him,  and  he  says  there  wasn't  a  drop 
of  blood  in  her  veins.  She  was  stuffed  with 
saw-dust  !" 

"  I  don't  believe  it's  a  true  story,"  said  the 
Red  Tiddledywink,  scornfully.  "I  wouldn't 
believe  an  old  knife-handle.  What  good 
is  a  knife-handle  without  any  blades  any- 
how ?  ' 

Here  Jimmieboy  interrupted  to  tell  the  Red 
Tiddledywink  that  an  old  knife-handle  with- 
out any  blades  was  lots  of  good  to  play  with, 
but  the  Red  Tiddledywink  didn't  seem  to  hear 
him  for  he  went  right  on. 

"  The  doll-baby's   too  pretty  to  be   stuffed 


THE  BLUE  AND  RED  TIDDLEDY WINKS.     21 

with  saw-dust,"  he  said.  "  Anybody  looking 
at  her  cheeks  would  know  she  wasn't  stuffed 
with  saw-dust.  You  can't  get  red  cheeks 
like  that  on  saw-dust." 

"Where  did  you  get  your  color?"  sniffed 
the  Blue  Tiddledywink.  He  was  a  little  put 
out  at  having  his  statement  about  the  doll- 
baby  contradicted. 

"  At  the  same  shop  where  you  got  yours," 
retorted  the  Red  Tiddledywink.  "And  it's  a 
better  color  any  day  than  blue — but  as  for 
the  doll-baby,  she's  just  as  sweet  as  she  can  be 
and  I  won't  hear  her  abused.  I  talked  to  her 
for  an  hour  to-day,  and  she's  got  lots  of  sense. 
If  she  were  stuffed  with  saw-dust,  she'd  be 
wooden  headed  and  she  isn't  that,  I  know- 
she  was  bright  enough  to  see  my  jokes.  She 
lauehed  at  'em.  I  believe  she  is  stuffed  with 


sugar. 


"You'd  believe  in  anybody  who'd  laugh  at 
your  jokes,"  retorted  the  Blue  Tiddledywink. 
"She  must  have  good  eyesight  to  see  'em  too, 
but  by  laughing  at  'em  she  shows  that  she  is 
just  what  I  said  she  was — a  very  much  made 
up  person." 

"  They're    better   jokes     than     you     could 


22  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

make,"  said  the  Red  Tiddledywinks  wrath- 
fully. 

"  Come,  come,  Tiddledys,"  said  the  big 
Yellow  Snapper  who  was  in  charge  of  the 
little  ones  for  the  day — for  the  Snappers  all 
take  turns  in  playing  nurse  for  the  Tiddledy- 
winks, each  for  a  day  except  Sundays,  when 
they  all  keep  quiet  in  their  box  and  do  not 
need  to  be  looked  after.  "  Come,  come,"  said 
she.  "You'll  have  to  stop  this  quarreling  or 
into  the  basket  you  go  and  there  you  stay  un- 
til Jimmieboy  calls  for  you  in  the  morning." 

"  I  wasn't  quarreling,  ma'am,"  said  the  Blue 
Tiddledywink,  airily.  "  I  never  quarrel,  be- 
cause I  can't,  you  know.  It  takes  two  to  make 
a  quarrel  and  I  am  only  one.  I  was  simply 
talking  about  that  green-eyed  doll-baby  with 
the—" 

"  Blue-eyed  doll-baby,"  put  in  the  Red  Tid- 
dledywink, with  a  scowl. 

"  That  green-eyed  doll-baby  with  the  red 
dress  and  apple-colored  hair,"  continued 
the  Blue  Tiddledywink,  ignoring  the  red 
one. 

"  Her  hair  is  yellow,"  said  the  Red  Tiddle- 
dywink, getting  redder  than  ever — because  as 


THE  BLUE  AND  RED  TIDDLEDY WINKS.     23 

Jimmieboy  could  easily  see  he  was  very,  very 
angry. 

"  So  're  apples,"  returned  the  Blue  Tidclle- 
dywink.  And  then  he  added,  "and  I  said  the 
cloll-baby  was  stuffed  with  saw-dust — as  she  is 
— and  Reddy  here  said  she  wasn't — as  she 
isn't.  No  quarrel  about  that,  ma'am." 

"Bluey  said  my  jokes  were  bad,"  sobbed 
Redcly. 

"  No,  I  didn't,"  contradicted  Bluey. 

"  You  did,"  asserted  Reddy. 

"  Well,  it  doesn't  make  any  difference  any- 
how what  who  said  or  what  which  didn't  say. 
If  you  Tiddledywinks  can't  stop  fighting,"  the 
Yellow  Snapper  said  firmly,  "into  bed  you 

go-" 

*'  Oh,  all  right,"  said  the  Blue  Tiddledywink. 

"  Anything  for  peace  and  an  extra  hour  out 
of  bed.  This  business  of  lying  clown  and 
losing  my  senses  and  doing  nothing  for  eight 
long  hours  is  very  trying  to  me  and  seems 
like  such  a  waste  of  time — and  really  you 
know  sleep  isn't  half  so  necessary  for  a  Tid- 
dledywink as  it  is  for  a  little  boy — a  little  boy 
like  that  Jimmieboy  we've  been  playing  with 
to-day,  for  instance.  Why,  he's  just  got  to 


24  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

have  all  the  sleep  he  can  get,  you  know. 
That's  because  he  takes  after  his  papa  and 
mamma.  But  we  Tiddledywinks  are  stronger 
than  little  boys  and  men  and  women.  I 
stayed  awake  a  week  once  and  felt  just  as 
chipper  afterward  as  I  would  if  I'd  slept  sound 
every  night.  No  little  boy  could  do  that, 
nor  his  papa  and  mamma  either.  So  I'm 
willing  to  compromise  with  Reddy.  I  didn't 
say  his  jokes  were  bad,  but  I  did  kind  of  let 
him  believe  I  thought  that  everybody  couldn't 
laugh  at  'em,  and  I  suppose  it  hurt  his  feel- 
ings, and,  as  I'm  not  quite  ready  to  go  to  bed, 
I'll  laugh  at  his  jokes  if  he  will  admit  that  the 
doll-baby  with  the  grass-colored  eyes  and 
dandelion  hair  is  stuffed  with  saw-dust.  It's 
easy  enough  to  laugh  at  a  joke  that  isn't  funny, 
you  know.  Even  the  doll-baby  could  do 
that.  That  suit  you,  Reddy  ?  " 

"That  will  do,"  returned  Reddy.  "  It  suits 
me  very  well — I  don't  want  to  go  to  bed  any 
more  than  you  do,  so  I  will  admit  that  the 
blue-eyed  doll-baby  with  golden  hair,  that  is 
sweeter  than  all  the  maple  sugar  in  the  world, 
is  stuffed  with  saw-dust.  My  admitting  it 
doesn't  make  it  so.  I  might  admit  that  you 


THE  BLUE  AND  RED   TIDDLED Y WINKS.     25 

are  a  pink-eyed  shrimp  but  that  wouldn't 
make  you  any  the  less  of  a  sky-blue  piece  of 
celluloid,  I'll  compromise — but  you've  got  to 
laugh  at  my  joke." 

"  All  right,"  said  Bluey,  "get  it  off." 

"  When  is  a  Tidclledywink  not  a  Tiddledy- 
wink  ?"  asked  Reddy. 

"Give  it  up,"  said  Bluey. 

"  When  he  isn't,  of  course,"  roared  Reddy. 

And  then  they  all  laughed,  and  so  it  was 
decided  that  Reddy's  jokes  were  funny,  as 
they  frequently  were,  and  that  the  doll-baby 
was  stuffed  with  sawdust — which  she  really 
was. 

From  this  Jimmieboy  was  able  to  see  that 
when  the  Tiddledywinks  made  up  their  minds 
that  so  was  so,  so  was  very  apt  to  be  so. 


III. 

THE   BLACK   TIDDLEDYWINK  WRITES   A   POEM. 

AT  this  point  Jimmieboy's  papa  whispered 
softly  across  the  room  to  his  mamma 
that  he  thought — he  wasn't  quite  sure — but  he 
thought  Jimmieboy  must  be  asleep,  he  had 
been  so  very  still,  and  once,  he  said,  he  was 
certain  he  heard  him  snore.  But  Jimmieboy 
heard  the  whisper  and  stopped  listening  to 
the  Tiddleclywinks  long  enough  to  tell  his 
papa  that  he  wasn't  asleep  at  all  and  hadn't 
been. 

"  I  was  on'y  finkin,"  he  said,  by  which  he 
meant  that  he  was  only  thinking.  It  was  a 
funny  way  to  say  it  but  then  Jimmieboy 
always  said  everything  in  a  funny  way.  He 


THE  BLACK  TIDDLED  YWINK  WRITES  A  POEM.  27 

seemed  to  think  that  every  word — or  almost 
every  word — there  was  except  Papa  and 
Mamma  and  Nana  began  with  an  "F"  or  a 
"  W."  It  was  very  curious,  too,  how  he  came 
to  talk  that  way,  because  no  one  else  that  he 
or  his  papa  ever  heard  talk,  used  so  many  effs 
and  double-yews,  and  his  mamma  said  that  she 
had  never  heard  of  anyone  who  had  even 
heard  of  anyone  who  called  a  railroad  track  a 
"  wailwoad  wack"  before,  and  Jimmieboy's 
Nana  made  lots  of  fun  of  him  because  he 
called  the  Tiddledywinks  "  Widdledywinks." 
So  it  happened  that  when  Jimmieboy  said  he 
was  "  on'y  finkin  "  his  papa  knew  what  he 
meant  and  said  :  "Oh,  all  right,  fink  away — • 
it'll  do  you  good."  And  then  he  started 
rocking  again  and  began  another  song  he'd 
scratched  off  on  one  of  Jimmieboy's  "witing 
waclds,"  as  Jimmieboy  called  his  scribbling 
pads.  This  song  went  somewhat  this  way  : 

O  scoot  away  Skeeter.  O  scoot  sky  high, 
Don't  you  bite  Jimmieboy,  don't  even  try, 
For  Jimmieboy's  papa  takes  care  o'  him — 
He  squashes  the  Skeeters  that  bite  little  Jim. 

This  song  used  to  make  Jimmieboy  laugh, 
but  he  didn't  listen  all  the  way  through  this 


28  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

time,  because  before  his  papa  had  half  finished 
he  looked  over  at  the  table  again,  and  saw  the 
little  Black  Tiddledywink  struggling  with  his 
mamma's  lead  pencil  that  lay  there,  evidently 
trying  to  write  something  on  a  piece  of  note 
paper  that  he  had  found  close  at  hand.  The 
Tiddledywink  seemed  to  be  very  much  inter- 
ested in  what  he  was  doing  and  Jimmieboy 
was  curious  to  know  what  it  was  he  was  writ- 
ing, and  he  didn't  have  to  wait  very  long  to 
have  his  curiosity  gratified  either,  for  the 
Yellow  Snapper,  who,  as  I  have  already  said, 
was  in  charge,  cried  out : 

"Hi  there,  Blackey,  what  are  you  doing 
with  that  pencil  ?  A  man  might  as  well  try 
to  write  with  a  telegraph  pole  as  you  with 
that  pencil." 

"  But  I  am  writing,  ma'am,"  returned  the 
Black  Tiddledywink,  laboriously  pushing  the 
pencil  up  and  down  until  he  had  made  a  very 
fair  VV.  "  I  am  writing  a  poem." 

"A  what?"  laughed  the  Lamp-Chimney, 
as  if  he  didn't  believe  Blackey  could  write  a 
poem — and,  strangely  enough,  it  didn't  seem 
a  bit  queer  to  Jimmieboy  to  hear  the  Lamp 
Chimney  speak. 


THE  BLACK  TIDDLEDYWINK  WRITES  A  POEM.  29 

"A  poem — or  rather  a  song,"  returned  the 
Black  Tiddledywink,  pleasantly.  "  I've  writ- 
ten lots  and  lots  of  poetry  in  my  day.  I 
wrote  a  very  pretty  little  song  once  to  a 
lovely  pink  donkey  I  saw  some  years  ago  in  a 
Noah's  Ark,  and  really  I've  got  no  end  of 
nursery  rhymes  stored  away.  I  wrote  that 
verse  about  the  Duck  in  the  Tiddledywink 
Weekly.  Perhaps  you  saw  it  in  the  last 
number  ?" 

"  No.  I  don't  take  that  paper,"  replied  the 
Lamp-Chimney.  "  I'm  a  constant  reader  of 
the  Kerosene  Monthly. " 

"Well,  it  went  this  way,"  said  Blackey — 

"There  was  a  small  Duck  of  White  Plains 
Who  said  :  "  O  my  Duckship  it  pains 

To  hear  people  say 

That  the  only  wise  way 
Is  to  go  in  the  house  when  it  rains." 

"  Isn't  that  elegant !"  cried  the  Green  Tid- 
dledywink proudly,  addressing  the  Lamp- 
Chimney. 

"  Did  you  really  write  that  out  of  your  own 
head,  and  alone?"  asked  the  Chimney, 
amazed  at  Blackey's  cleverness,  as  also  was 
Jimmieboy. 


30  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  I  got  every  bit  of  it  out  of  my  own  head," 
said  Blackey,  proudly,  "  and  I  wrote  it — how 
do  you  suppose  ?  " 

"  I  give  it  up — with  a  pen  ?"  said  the  Blue 
Tiddleclywink. 

•  "  No,  sir.  I  wrote  it  on  a  piece  of  blotting- 
paper  with  the  end  of  a  burnt  match," 
returned  the  Black  Tiddledywink,  "and  at  the 
same  time  I  wrote  a  poem  called  '  My  Favor- 
ite Fruit/ 

"It  goes  this  way — 

"  Some  people  like  the  oyster  best, 
And  some  the  polar  bear : 
With  some  the  peanut's  in  request 
But  I  prefer  fresh  air." 

"That's  lovely,"  cried  the  Yellow  Tiddle- 
dywink, "  but  I  think  I  like  pine-cones  better 
than  fresh  air.  They  have  more  taste  to 
them." 

"  Pine-cones  are  good,"  said  the  Blue  Tid- 
dledywink, "but  they  can't  hold  a  lighted 
match  to  goldfish  tails  with  mucilage  on 
'em.  They're  simply  great.  I  haven't  had 
any  lately,  either.  They  aren't  in  season  ever 
until  the  fortieth  of  January,  and  since  they 


THE  BLACK  TIDDLEDYWINK  WRITES  A  POEM.  31 

cut  January  down  to  thirty-one  days  they've 
never  come  into  season  again." 

"  How  do  you  think  of  these  poems,  any 
way  ?  "  asked  the  Lamp-Chimney. 

"  Oh,  I  take  in  what  people  say,"  said 
Blackey,  "and  sometimes  something  some- 
body says  will  give  me  an  idea  for  a  poem. 
For  instance  I  overheard  an  omnibus  horse 
once  telling  a  hay  wagon  that  he  thought  it 
was  going  to  rain,  and  I  sat  right  down  on 
the  curb-stone  and  wrote  these  lines  in  my 
note  book : 


"  It  doesn't  seem  to  matter  much 
Howe'er  a  cook  may  try, 
There  isn't  anything  can  touch 
A  handsome  pumpkin  pie — 
Unless  it  be  a  pickled  fly, 
And  I  don't  care  for  them, 
Because  they  always  make  me  cry, 
And  'jaculate  Ahem  !  " 

"  But  I  don't  see  "  said  the  Lamp  Chim- 
ney, "  how  the  remark  of  the  omnibus-horse 
suggested  that." 

"  No,  you  wouldn't,"  returned  the  Black 
Tiddledywink,  "  and  for  a  very  good  reason. 
You  are  not  a  poet." 


32  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  It's  the  same  way  with  my  jokes,"  put  in 
the  Red  Tiddledywink.  "  They  are  always 
suggested  by  something  that  they're  not  at 
all  like.  For  instance,  my  joke  about  a  cat 
wearing  her  furs  all  through  the  summer  so 
as  to  keep  the  moths  out  of  them,  was  sug- 
gested by  seeing  a  dog  chasing  his  tail  around 
a  flower  pot." 

"  But  are  all  your  poems  suggested  that 
way  ?  "  asked  the  White  Tiddledywink. 

"  Oh,  no,"  replied  Blackey.  "  Sometimes 
they  come  naturally  and  are  just  what  you'd 
expect;  this  one  I've  just  written  was  inspired 
by  what  Bluey  said  about  being  glad  he  was 
a  Tiddledywink  and  simply  expresses  his  feel- 
ing in  verse.  It's  a  good  thing  to  be  satisfied 
and  glad  you  are  what  you  are,  you  know. 
It  is  really  awful  if  you  are  not  so,  as 
a  story  I  could  tell  you  about  a  stuffed 
alligator  I  once  knew  down  south,  would 

o 

prove." 

"  What  was  the  story  of  the  stuffed  alliga- 
tor?" asked  the  Green  Tiddledywink,  wheel- 
ing himself  about  the  edge  of  the  basket. 

"Oh,  he  was  only  a  plain  stuffed  alligator," 
returned  Blackey,  "  and  he  was  always  unhappy 


THE  BLACK  TIDDLEDYWINK  WRITES  A  POEM.  33 

because  he  wasn't  something  else — he  never 
knew  what.  When  I  first  knew  him  he  was 
wishing  he  was  a  drum,  so  that  he  could  make 
a  noise  in  the  world.  I  told  him  how  foolish 
he  was,  how  the  drum  was  always  getting 
beaten — not  because  he  was  noisy  but  to 
make  him  more  so.  And  then  I  told  him 
how  drums  were  not  favorites  with  people  ; 
how  some  papas  that  I  knew  of  had  declined 
to  let  their  little  boys  play  with  'em,  ;md  after 
a  while  I  got  him  quite  out  of  the  notion. 
But  it  wasn't  long  before  he  began  to  be 
envious  of  a  toy  balloon  he  had  met ;  said 
the  balloon  was  bound  to  rise  in  the  world 
while  all  he  could  do  was  to  sit  on  the  floor 
and  stay  stuffed.  It  didn't  take  me  a  minute 
to  show  him  how  foolish  that  was.  I  told 
him  he  ought  to  be  very  well  satisfied  that 
he  wasn't  a  toy  balloon  because  the  balloon 
was  always  empty  and  was  sure  to  burst 
sooner  or  later.  He  hadn't  thought  of  that 
and  said  he  guessed  that  after  all  there  were 
some  good  things  about  being  a  stuffed  alli- 
gator and  for  two  weeks  he  was  contented." 

"And    did    he    get    discontented     again?" 
asked    the    Yellow    Snapper,  who    was    quite 


34  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

interested  in  what  Black  Tiddledywink  was 
saying. 

"Yes,"  returned  the  Story-Teller,  "the 
man  who  owned  us  took  him  one  day  and  put 
him  alongside  of  the  fire-place.  He  thought 
he  would  show  up  better  there,  I  suppose,  and 
then  the  alligator  got  in  with  some  sticks  of 
wood  that  told  him  all  about  the  trees  out  in 
the  forest  and  how  lovely  everything  out 
there  was  with  the  birds  singing  and  the 
leaves  rustling.  He  got  very  envious  of  the 
sticks  of  wood,  and  wished  he  was  one  of 
them.  Poor  fellow  !  He  had  his  wish  too 
quickly  granted." 

"  He  didn't  turn  into  a  stick  of  wood,  did 
he  ?"  asked  the  Blue  Snapper. 

"Oh  no,"  returned  the  Black  Tiddledywink, 
"but  one  cold  night  the  maid  came  in  to  build 
a  fire,  and  in  the  dark  she  mistook  the  stuffed 
alligator  for  a  stick  and  put  him  on  the  and- 
irons with  the  pieces  of  wood,  and  before  any- 
one knew  it  he  was  burned  up.  I  guess 
he'd  have  been  glad  to  be  a  plain,  stuffed  alli- 
gator again  as  soon  as  he  found  out  what  it 
was  to  be  a  stick — but  it  was  too  late.  So  I 
say  I'm  glad  Bluey  is  glad  to  be  what  he  is. 


THE  BLACK  TIDDLED  YWINK  WRITES  A  POEM.  35 

We  all  ought  to  be  glad  we  are  ourselves. 
It'll  make  us  more  contented,  and  that's  v/hat 
I  based  my  poem  on." 

"  Let's  hear  it,"  put  in  Reddy,  "  I'm  very 
fond  of  poetry — especially  yours." 

"  Thank  you,"  said  the  Black  Tiddledywink, 
blushing  deeply,  probably  in  honor  of  Reddy's 
color,  and  then  he  sang  his  song  as  follows : 

"  Oh,  I  am  a  Tiddledywink  ! 
I  am  a  Tiddledywink — 
It  is  a  glorious  thing,  I  think, 
To  be  a  Tiddledywink. 

I'm  glad  I  am  just  what  I  be — 
I'm  glad  to  be  just  what  I  am. 
It  always  makes  me  sad  to  see 
An  Elephant  who'd  be  a  clam ; 

A  Kangaroo  who  thinks  that  he 
Would  have  been  happier  as  a  dog ; 
A  Hippopotamus  who'd  be, 
If  he'd  his  way,  a  jumping  frog. 

And  Oh,  I  dee— 
M  it  perfect  rot 
To  wish  to  be 
What  one  is  not : 

And  so  I  say,  I'm  glad  that  I 
Am  what  I  am,  and  never  sigh 
Because  I'm  not  a  skating  rink, 
But  just  a  plain  old  Tiddledywink." 


36  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

This  song  was  received  with  delight  by  the 
Tiddledywinks,  but  it  made  Jimmieboy  do  a 
little  hard  "  finking,"  and  when  he  had 
thought  it  all  over  he  was  rather  sorry  to  re- 
member that  only  the  day  before  he  had 
wished  he  was  a  cornucopia,  so  that  he  could 
be  filled  up  with  candy,  and  he  was  glad  after 
all  that  he  was  his  papa's  and  mamma's  own 
Jimmieboy. 


IV. 


THE  WHITE    TIDDLEDYWINK. 

SO  deeply  did  Jimmieboy  "fink"  over  the 
Black  Tiddledywink's  song,  and  so  sooth- 
ing did  it  sound  as  sung  by  the  Yellow  Snap- 
per and  his  little  friends,  that  Jimmieboy  really 
fell  asleep  long  enough  to  have  his  papa 
make  up  his  mind  that  he  ought  to  be  in 
bed.  That  is  how  it  happened  that  when  Jim- 
mieboy opened  his  eyes  again  he  and  the  Tid- 
dledywinks  were  alone  in  the  room  and  nearer 
together  than  when  he  sat  on  his  papa's  lap, 
for  now  Jimmieboy  found  himself  clad  in  his 
little  night-dress  and  lying  flat  on  his  back  in 
his  crib,  which  stood  right  beside  the  table 
on  which  the  Tiddledywinks  were  talking. 


38  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

Generally  when  Jimmieboy  waked  up  and 
found  himself  alone  in  the  room  he  would  cry 
just  a  little,  so  that  his  Nana  would  come  in 
and  hold  his  hand  until  he  should  fall  asleep 
again,  but  he  did  not  feel  at  all  lonesome  this 
time.  Were  not  the  Tiddledywinks  still 
there  having  a  high  old  time  almost  at  the 
edge  of  his  pillow  ?  And,  what  was  even  more 
strange,  couldn't  he,  Jimmieboy,  see  them  just 
as  plainly  as  could  be,  although  the  only  light 
in  the  room  came  from  a  few  dim  rays  strag- 
gling in  through  the  portiere  from  the  gas 
fixture  in  the  next  room  where  Nana  sat  knit- 
ting a  pair  of  mittens  for  somebody  with 
hands  about  the  size  of  Jimmieboy's?  No 
wonder  he  wasn't  lonesome.  Who  could  be 
with  thirty-six  lively  little  Tiddledywinks  and 
six  beautiful  Snappers  all  of  different  colors 
enjoying  themselves  right  alongside  of  him  ? 
So  he  didn't  cry  for  Nana  to  come  and  hold 
his  hand  this  time.  He  just  stood  up  at  the 
side  of  his  crib  and  said  : 

-Hullo!" 

This  seemed  to  startle  the  Tiddledywinks 
very  much,  for  they  all  jumped  in  a  nervous 
sort  of  way  and  scampered  back  into  their 


THE   WHITE  TIDDLEDYWINK.  39 

basket. as  fast  as  they  could,  where  they  hid, 
trembling  like  leaves  on  the  trees — that  is, 
all  except  one  poor  little  White  Tiddledy- 
wink  who  in  his  fright  rolled  off  in  the  wrong 
direction  and  got  so  close  that  Jimmieboy 
could  take  him  in  his  hand,  which  the  little 
fellow  proceeded  to  do  at  once. 

"Oh  please,  sir,"  cried  the  White  Tid- 
dledywink,  getting  whiter  than  ever — "please 
don't  hurt  me,  sir,  I  wasn't  doing  anything 
sir — only  running  around  the  table,  sir.  I 
didn't  know  there  was  any  harm  in  it,  sir,  and 
I'll  never,  never  do  it  again  if  you  will  only 
let  me  go  back.  My  dear  old  Snapper  and 
my  brothers  and  sisters  and  cousins  will  be  so 
worried." 

"I  'm  not  going  to  hurt  you,"  said  Jimmie- 
boy, kindly.  "  There  wasn't  any  harm  in 
your  wunning  awound  the  table  as  long  as 
you  didn't  touch  nuffin.  Did  you  touch 
anyfing  ?" 

"No,  sir — that  is  I  didn't  move  anything, 
sir,"  gasped  the  little  prisoner.  "  I  did  play 
see-saw  with  one  of  my  brothers  on  the  paper 
cutter  but  we  left  it  just  where  we  found  it, 
sir — none  the  worse  for  wear — indeed,  sir,  it 


40  TIDDLEDYW1NK  TALES. 

was  a  little  better  because  we  shook  some  of 
the  dust  off." 

"Oh,  that's  all  wight,"  said  Jimmieboy. 
"You  needn't  be  afwaid  of  me.  I'm  Wim- 
mieboy." 

"  Why,  so  you  are,"  returned  the  White 
Tiddledywink  joyfully,  after  gazing  intently 
at  Jimmieboy  for  a  moment.  "  Do  you  know 
I  didn't  reckernize  you  in  those  clothes." 

Jimmieboy  was  very  glad  to  hear  the  Tid- 
dledywink say,  "reckernize"  because  that  was 
the  way  he  said  it  himself.  His  Uncle  Peri- 
winkle— Periwinkle  was  not  his  uncle's  real 
name,  but  it  was  the  name  by  which  he  was 
best  known  to  Jimmieboy,  and  a  real  lovely 
uncle  he  was,  too — Uncle  Periwinkle,  I  say, 
had  laughed  at  him  a  few  days  before  for  say- 
ing it  that  way  and  had  told  him  that  there 
was  a  "  G  "  in  it — and  whatever  that  was  Jim- 
mieboy didn't  know.  He  hadn't  studied  geol- 
ogy and  of  course  couldn't  be  expected  to 
know  what  his  Uncle  Periwinkle  was  trying  to 
say,  but  at  any  rate  whatever  a  "  G  "  was  and 
however  it  might  affect  the  pronunciation  ol 
reckernize,  Jimmieboy  was  satisfied  that  reck- 
ernize was  right  and  to  have  the  Tiddledywink 


THE   WHITE  TIDDLEDYWINK.  41 

back  him  up  in  this  opinion  was  very  pleasing 
to  him  and  so  Jimmieboy  kissed  the  Tiddle- 
dyvvink  and  asked  : 

"  Do  I  look  so  diff'ent  in   my  bed  clothes?" 

"  I  wouldn't  know  you  for  the  same  boy," 
said  the  White  Ticldledywink.  "  But  then 
we  haven't  known  each  other  long  enough  to 
be  very  well  acquainted.  You  know  when 
we  were  playing  to-day  your  hair  was  fixed 
kind  of  different,  wasn't  it  ?  You  didn't  have 
pieces  of  paper  on  your  back  hair  then,  did 
you  ?  " 

"No,"  said  Jimmieboy,  running  his  hand 
over  his  curl  papers.  "  No.  I  didn't,  and  I 
wish  I  didn't  have  'em  on  now.  They  ain't 
very  cumferble." 

"Very  what? "asked  the  White  Tiddledy- 
wink. 

"  Very  cumferble,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "  Don't 
you  know  what  cumferble  means?" 

"  Oh,  yes,  I  know  !  "  cried  the  White  Tiddle- 
dywink.  "  You  mean  they  aren't  very 
pretty  to  look  at." 

"  No,  I  don't,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "I  couldn't 
mean  that,  you  know,  because  they  are  on  the 
back  of  my  yead,  and  of  course  I  can't  see 


42  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

'em,  and  so  I  don't  know  wevver  they's  pyitty 
or  not.  Cumferble  means — means — why,  it 
means  cumferble." 

"Oh,  now  I  understand  !"  said  the  White 
Tiddledywink,  knowingly.  "It  means  that 
they  don't  cost  much.  I  might  have  thought 
of  that  if  I'd  only  thought  of  it." 

"That's  twue,"  returned  Jimmieboy,  with  a 
laugh.  "  If  you  had  fought  of  it,  you  pwoberly 
would  have  fought  of  it, — but  that  ain't  what 
I  mean,  neither." 

"  You  don't  mean  that  the  curl-papers  are 
very  papery,  do  you  ?  Curl-papers  are  that 
way  very  often,"  suggested  the  Tiddledywink. 

"  No,  I  mean  that  they  ain't  cumferble, 
that's  all.  You'll  have  to  ask  your  Snapper 
what  it  means,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "It's  very 
hard  for  a  little  boy  like  me  to  explain  rings 
to  people  what  doesn't  unnerstand  'em.  I  don't 
mind  tellin'  people  fings  they  know,  but  rings 
they  don't  know  is  too  much  bovver." 

"Too  much  what?"  asked  the  White  Tid- 
dledywink, anxiously.  He  was  discovering 
lots  of  new  words  he'd  never  known  before. 

"Never  mind,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "If  you 
don't  know  what  bovver  is,  you  are  a  very 


THE   WHITE   TIDDLEDYWINK.  43 

lucky  Widdleclywink.  There  ain't  many  rings 
in  this  world  what  hasn't  had  tvvouble  of 
some  kind  or  ovver." 

"  Oh,  now  I  know.  You  mean  bother,  of 
course.  But  you  never  have  any  troubles, 
do  you?"  asked  the  Tiddledywink — Jimmie- 
boy  seemed  so  young  to  have  troubles. 

"  Lots  of  'em,"  said  Jimmieboy,  shaking  his 
head  so  that  the  curl-papers  rattled.  "  I 
dropped  my  bestest  agate  down  fwoo  the 
wegister  into  the  furnace  ;  I  tooked  my  wub- 
ber  dolly  out  widin'  and  she  got  losted  ;  my 
papa  gave  me  a  piece  of  candy  big  enough  to 
last  five  minutes,  and  I  swallowed  it  all  at 
once  and  on'y  had  one  little  taste  of  it — and, 
oh,  lots  and  lots  of  fings  happen  to  me, — my 
wailwoad  wain  wan  over  my  finger  one  day, 
and  it  hurted  awful." 

"What  did  you  do?"  asked  the  Tiddledy- 
wink, kissing  Jimmieboy's  finger,  because  it 
made  him  sorry  to  think  it  had  ever  been 
hurt,  it  was  so  very  tender  and  little  and 
pretty. 

"  I  cwied  for  a  little  while,  and  then  I  kept 
it  out  of  the  wain's  way  after  that." 

"  I  guess  that  was  the  best   thing  to  do," 


44  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

said  the  Tiddledywink,  approvingly.  "Just  a 
little  cry  and  common  sense  mixed  up  is  a 
very  good  thing.  I  never  cry  because  I 
can't.  I  haven't  anything  to  cry  with.!' 

"Well,"  said  Jimmieboy,  "that's  all  wight. 
I  wouldn't  cwy  if  I  could  help  it.  It  makes 
me  feel  very  uncomferble — 

"  Very  what  ?  "  asked  the  Tiddledywink. 

"  Oh,  dear  \  "  returned  Jimmieboy.  "  There 
we  are  again  back  at  cumferble  ;  perhaps  we'd 
better  talk  about  somefing  else." 

"  I  think  so  too,"  replied  the  Tiddledywink, 
nodding  his  head.  "There's  too  much  'bov- 
ver' about  cumferble  for  us  to  get  along  well 
together  if  we  keep  on  talking  about  it.  You 
were  speaking  about  your  troubles  a  while 
ago.  Did  you  ever  notice  that  every  time 
you  had  a  trouble  you  followed  it  up  with 
half  a  dozen  untroubles  ?" 

"I  don't  know  what  an  untwouble  is,"  said 
Jimmieboy,  somewhat  puzzled. 

"Why,  something  that  isn't  a  trouble,  of 
course — something  pleasant,"  returned  the 
White  Tiddledywink. 

*'  Oh,  yes.  I've  notiriced  that,"  said  Jimmie- 
boy. "  Why,  when  my  agate  went  down  into 


THE  WHITE  TIDDLEDYWINK.  45 

the  furnace,  my  papa  bought  me  six-  more.  I 
never  yiked  any  one  of  'em  quite  as  much  as 
I  did  the  one  I  lost,  but  then  you  know  there 
were  six  of  the  new  ones,  and  I  guess  I  loved 
all  six  fwee  times  as  much  as  the  ovver. 
Then  I've  notiriced  too,  that  while  it's  howwid 
havin'  my  face  washed,  it's  weal  nice  to  have 
a  clean  face ; — and  mamma  never  spanked  me 
yet  without  lovin'  me  fwee  times  as  hard 
afterward." 

"  It's  been  the  same  way  with  me,"  said  the 
Tiddledywink.  "I  got  lost  once  and  had  an 
awful  time  before  I  was  found,  but  after  my 
Snapper  had  found  me,  I  had  ten  times  as 
much  fun  as  I  used  to  have.  I  don't  believe 
I've  cried  one  ninety-tooth  part  as  much  as 
I've  laughed,  and  I've  had  eight  glads  to  one 
sorry  all  through  my  life.  Blackey — you 
ought  to  talk  with  Blackey — he's  my  cousin 
and  writes  poetry— 

"Yes,  I  heard  some  of  it,"  said  Jimmieboy. 
"  And  I  fink  it's  very  nice." 

"Well,"  resumed  the  Tiddledywink,  "he 
wrote  a  verse  on  glads  and  sorrys.  I  don't 
remember  the  exact  words,  but  it  goes  very 
much  like  this  : 


46  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  I  never  cry  when  I  am  sorry, 
I  never  weep  when  I  am  sad, — 
Because  I  know  that  by  to-morrow 
There'll  be  ten  things  to  make  me  glad ! " 

"  Blackey  must  be  a  very  smart  Widdledy- 
wink,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"Yes,"  replied  the  White  Tiddledywink 
proudly,  "  he  is  awfully  smart.  I  heard  a 
gentleman  say  once  that  no  one  but  Blackey 
could  make  'sorry'  rhyme  with  '  to-morrow.'  ' 

"  I  fink  I'd  yike  to  meet  Blackey,"  said  Jim- 
mieboy. "  Let's  go  over  and  join  the  ovver 
Widdledy  winks." 

"  All  right,'  returned  the  White  Tiddledy- 
wink. They'll  all  be  glad  to  see  you,  because 
they  think  you  are  a  dear  little  boy. 


V. 


IN  THE  TIDDLEDYWINKS'  BASKET. 

HOW  he  ever  managed  to  do  it  Jimmieboy 
didn't  know,  but  he  did  get  over  the 
side  of  the  c-rib,  and  into  the  Tiddledywinks' 
basket,  without  any  trouble,  nor  did  the 
White  Tiddledywink  help  him  a  bit.  It  was 
stranger  still,  because  Jimmieboy  had  often 
tried  to  climb  over  that  little  brass  side-piece 
that  kept  him  from  falling  out  of  bed, 
and  never  before  had  he  been  able  to 
do  it. 

He  was  surprised,  too,  as  he  entered  the 
Tiddledywinks'  basket,  to  find  how  airy  and 
roomy  it  was.  It  had — although  Jimmieboy 
had  not  noticed  it  during  the  day-time  while 


48  T1DDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

he  was  playing  with  it — tiny  little  windows  and 
halls,  and  stairs  up  and  down,  and  pretty  little 
bedrooms,  and,  best  of  all,  a  playroom  in  which 
Jimmieboy  could  see  the  most  wonderful  toys 
he  ever  saw — all  entirely  different  from  those 
with  which  he  was  used  to  playing.  And 
through  a  little  door  that  led  out  from  the 
hall,  Jimmieboy  could  see  a  beautiful  park, 
with  lovely  paths  running  every  which  way, 
skirting  six  little  round  gardens  in  which 
grew  flowers  of  every  hue,  and  especially 
pink,  which  was  Jimmieboy's  favorite  color; 
and,  funniest  of  all,  out  in  this  park  Jimmie- 
boy could  see  Tiddledywink  doggies  and 
chickens,  which  were  not  at  all  like  the 
chickens  and  doggies  that  he  had — they  were 
more  like  Tiddledywinks  with  feathers,  the 
chickens  were,  and  the  doggies  looked  like 
Tiddledywinks  with  four  legs  and  a  tail. 
Jimmieboy  wouldn't  have  known  they  were 
doggies  if  they  hadn't  wagged  their  tails,  but 
he  knew  the  chickens  were  chickens  right 
away,  because  they  strutted  about  so  proudly 
and  cackled  so  much. 

"  I    don't    see    why    you     Widdledywinks 
wanted   to  play  on  my  nurserwy  table,"  said 


IN  THE  TIDDLEDYWINKS'  BASKET.        49 

Jimmieboy.      "  Not  when    you  have    all    this 
beautiful  place  to  play  in." 

"  Oh,  that's  only  natural,"  said  the  White 
Tiddledywink.  "It's  just  for  the  sake  of 
variety." 

"  I  don't  know  beriety,"  said  Jimmieboy. 
"Is  he  a  Widdledywink  ?  " 

"  No,"  returned  Whitey.  "  He's  a  word, 
and  he  means  something  different  from  every- 
thing else." 

"  No  wonder  I  didn't  know  him,"  laughed 
Jimmieboy.  "I  wouldn't  know  what  a  fing 
was  that  was  diff'ent  from  everyfing  I  knew 
about.  I  didn't  fink  you  had  so  much  room 
in  your  basket,"  he  added. 

"  Oh,  we  have  lots  of  room.  We  have  a 
dining-room— 

"Do  you  eat?"  asked  Jimmieboy,  very 
much  surprised. 

"  Oh  my,  yes,"  returned  Whitey.  "  We  eat 
tooth-picks — we  have  'em  fried  every  Friday 
and  stewed  every  Stewsday.  And  besides 
that  we're  very  fond  of  apple  cores — " 

"  I  wavver  yike  apple  cores  myself,"  said 
Jimmieboy.  "I've  on'y  had  one  and  some- 
fing  happened  to  me  afterwards.  I  had  a 


50  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES 

awful  hurt  down  where  I  bweave  and  mamma 
made  me  take  somefing  that  I  didn't  yike  to 
make  me  well.  I  fink  I'd  wavver  have  the 
apple  core  and  the  hurt  than  take  the  ovver 
fing,  but  mamma  wanted  me  to  take  it  and 
I  didn't  care  'cause  the  taste  didn't  last  long." 

"  They  never  hurt  us,  apple  cores  don't," 
said  the  White  Tiddledywink,  "  but  that's 
because  we  don't  eat  the  way  you  do.  You 
swallow  everything.  We  never  do.  We 
haven't  anything  to  swallow  'em  into.  We 
just  look  at  'em  you  know  and  think  how 
nice  they  are.  When  you  get  used  to  it 
that's  the  nicest  and  healthiest  way  to  eat." 

"I  don't  much  fink  I'd  yike  that,"  said  Jim- 
mieboy.  "Seems  to  me  I'd  wavver  taste 
what  I  eat.  What  good  is  molasses  and 
bwead  when  you  on'y  look  at  it  ?  " 

"  That's  just  it,"  said  the  White  Tiddledy- 
wink, "  it's  just  as  sweet  whether  you  take  it 
in  your  mouth  or  not.  Taking  it  in  your 
mouth  doesn't  make  it  sweet.  It's  just  as 
sweet  when  you  look  at  it — don't  you  see  ? 
And  then  think  of  all  the  bad  things  you 
have  to  take  sometimes  !  How  nice  it  would 
be  if  you  only  had  to  look  at  medicines  !" 


IN  THE  TIDDLEDYWINKS*  BASKET.        51 

"  But  they're  just  as  bad,"  said  Jimmieboy, 
triumphantly. 

"  Of  course  they  are,"  said  the  Tiddledy- 
wink.  "  But  that  doesn't  make  any  differ- 
ence. You  don't  taste  'em  just  looking  at 
'em." 

"  I  fink  I'd  wavver  eat  dinner  my  way  and 
take  mediker — "  Jimmieboy  always  called 
medicine  'mediker' — "  and  take  mediker 
your  way.  I'll  have  to  tell  my  mamma  about 
your  way  and  may  be  she'll  let  me.  You 
seem  pyitty  stwong." 

"  I  don't  much  believe  she  will  let  you," 
said  the  White  Tiddledywink,  shaking  his 
head.  "You  see  it's  the  dinner  you  eat  that 
upsets  you,  and  to  make  everything  right 
you'd  have  to  take  your  medicine  the  way 
you  eat  your  dinner.  That's  the  only  way  we 
can  do.  When  we  think  a  dinner  we  have 
taken  doesn't  agree  with  us  we  look  at  the 
medicine  right  afterwards — sometimes  we 
pour  the  medicine  right  on  the  dinner  and  it 
makes  us  feel  better  right  away.  You've  got 
to  stick  to  one  plan  or  another." 

"  I  won't,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "  I'll  do  bofe. 
I'll  look  at  what  I  eat  and  then  I'll  eat  it,  so 


52  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALP2S. 

that  I'll  get  twice  as  much  good  out  of  it  as 
you  do." 

"  That's  greedy,"  said  the  White  Ticldledy- 
wink,  "  and  as  Blackey  said  in  his  verse,  4  I 
am  not  fond  of  greedy  boys.'  You  know  the 
rest  of  it  I  suppose?" 

"  No,"  replied  Jimmieboy,  "I  don't  fink  I 
ever  heard  that  poem.  How  does  it  go  ?" 

"  This  way,"  said  the  Tiddledywink,  and  he 
recited  as  follows  :— 

"  I  am  not  fond  of  greedy  boys 
Who're  eating  all  the  time. 
I'd  never  give  them  any  toys 
Or  put  them  in  my  rhyme, 

"  Except  to  say  that  years  ago 

I  knew  a  boy  named  Si 
Who  ate  so  very  much,  you  know, 
He  turned  into  a  pie." 

"  Is  that  a  twue  sto'y  ?"  asked  Jimmieboy, 
when  the  White  Tiddledywink  had  finished. 

"  So  Blackey  said — only  the  boy's  name 
wasn't  really  Si.  He  had  to  make  his  name 
Si  so  that  it  would  rhyme  with  pie." 

"  I  s'pose  if  he  had  turned  into  a  cake, 
the  boy  would  have  been  named  Jake,"  said 
Jimmieboy. 


IN  THE  TIDDLEDYWINKS'  BASKET.        5> 

"  I  suppose  so,"  returned  the  Tiddledy- 
wink.  "  Blackey  never  told  us  what  his  real 
name  was,  only  that  he  turned  into  a  pie  and 
was  eaten  up  at  lunch  time  by  the  coach- 


man." 


"  That  was  awful,"  said  Jimmieboy,  turning 
pale.  "  I  must  be  careful  not  to  eat  too 
much." 

"  Yes — or  when  you  do,  eat  too  much  of 
something  the  coachman  doesn't  like,"  sug- 
gested the  Tiddledywink. 

"That's  a  good  idea,"  said  Jimmieboy, 
delighted.  "  And  I  know  what  it  is — it's 
marsh-mallows.  But  what  ovver  wooms  have 
you  here  ?" 

"  There's  our  parlor  over  there,"  said  the 
Tiddledywink,  pointing  down  the  hall. 

"Whereabouts,"  asked  Jimmieboy.  "I 
don't  see  any  parlor,  there's  on'y  a  little  cvvack 
in  the  wall  like  the  one  in  the  top  of  my 
penny  bank." 

"  That's  the  door.  It's  all  we  need,"  said 
the  Tiddledywink.  "  You  see  we  can  roll 
ourselves  in  there  without  any  trouble. 
See? "and  the  Tiddledywink  rolled  through 
the  crack  as  he  spoke  and  disappeared  in  the 


54  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

wall.  In  a  moment  he  was  back  again. 
"Nice,  eh?"  he  said. 

"Yes — pyitty  nice,"  said  Jimmieboy. 
"But  how  do  you  ever  get  company  in 
there  ?  " 

"Company?  In  a  parlor  ?"  said  the  Tid- 
dledywink  with  a  scornful  laugh.  "  I  never 
heard  of  having  company  in  a  parlor.  That's 
where  we  sleep — sometimes.  We  just  roll  in 
there  and  lie  down  and  go  to  sleep.  Nothing 
but  a  Tiddledywink  can  get  in  there,  you 
know — so  we're  never  disturbed." 

Jimmieboy  couldn't  help  laughing  at  the 
idea  of  sleeping  in  the  parlor.  His  papa  and 
mamma  never  had  let  him  do  it,  and  he 
thought  the  way  the  Tiddledywinks  did  things 
was  very  queer,  but  he  was  too  polite  to  say 
much  more  about  it,  so  he  turned  and  walked 
into  the  playroom. 

"  This  is  nice,"  said  he,  looking  about  him, 
"  I  yike  this  very  much.  What's  that  funny 
fing  over  there  ?"  he  asked,  pointing  to  a  cur- 
ious toy  on  the  floor. 

"That's  a  rail-boat,"  said  the  Tiddledy- 
wink. "  Didn't  you  ever  see  a  rail-boat 
before  ?  " 


IN  THE  TIDDLEDY  WINKS'  BASKET.        55 

"  Never  heard  of  such  a  fing,"  said  Jim- 
mieboy.  "What  good  is  it?" 

"  What  good  ?  Why  it's  one  of  the  finest 
things  to  play  with  you  ever  saw,"  returned 
the  Tidclledywink. 

"  But  what  does  it  do?"  asked  the  little  vis- 
itor. 

"  Why,  it's  a  boat  that  sails  up  and  down 
the  track,"  explained  the  Tiddledywink. 

"  But  it's  cars  that  wun  on  wacks,"  said 
Jimmieboy. 

"  Not  in  Tiddleclywink-land,''  said  Whitey. 
"  No,  sir.  We  have  lots  of  cars,  but  we  have 
to  push  them  up  and  down  in  a  tub  full  of 
water,  and  the  Snappers  don't  like  to  have  us 
do  that  for  fear  we'll  get  all  wet,  and  I  don't 
care  much  for  it  either  because  it's  horrid  to 
get  wet.  Don't  you  think  so  ?" 

"I  don't  know,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "My 
Nana  never  lets  me  get  wet..  I  kind  of  fink 
I'd  like  to  twy." 

"  Oh,  you'll  try  some  day.  Just  wait  until 
you  are  caught  out  in  a  heavy  storm  without 
your  cane..  You'll  get  wet  enough,"  laughed 
the  Tiddledywink,  "and  you  won't  like  it 
either,  I  can  tell  you.  I  got  wet  once  when  I1 


$6  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

wasn't  more  'n  a  day  old.  That's  why  I  am  a 
White  Tiddledywink.  I  was  to  have  been  a 
Pink  Tiddledywink,  but  I  was  rained  on 
before  my  color  set  and  that's  how  it  was." 

"You  don't  feel  very  badly  about  it,  do 
you?"  said  Jimmieboy,  with  a  sympathetic 
glance  at  his  little  friend. 

"  Oh  no.  Not  so  very,"  said  the  Tiddledy- 
wink. tl  People  all  like  white,  you  know,  and 
may  be  if  I'd  been  red,  or  black,  or  green,  or 
pink  somebody  would  have  disliked  me." 

"I  wouldn't,"  said  Jimmieboy,  giving  the 
White  Tiddledywink  a  little  squeeze.  "  I'd 
have  yiked  you  anyhow.  You're  so  good  to 
me,  telling  me  all  these  fings  and  showing 
me  about.  And  then  you  know,"  he  added, 
"  white  is  such  a  clean  color.  I  heard  my 
papa  say  so,  and  he  knows  pyitty  much  every- 
fing — he  said  so  himself." 

"I'd  like  to  meet  your  papa  some  day," 
said  the  White  Tiddledywink.  "  He  must  be 
a  fine  fellow.  But  now  I  guess  we'd  better 
join  the  Snappers,  and  my  brothers  and 
cousins  out  in  the  park — I  see  they're  not  in 
here.  We  can  come  back  and  see  the  toys 
afterwards." 


IN  THE  TIDDLEDYW1NKS'  BASKET        57 

And  so  Jimmieboy  and  the  White  Tiddle- 
dywink  passed  out  into  the  park,  and  the 
latter  giving  a  funny  little  cry  that  Jimmieboy 
thought  would  have  been  very  much  like  a 
canary  bird's  whistle  if  it  hadn't  reminded 
him  of  the  purr  of  a  kitten,  they  soon  found 
themselves  surrounded  by  the  Tiddledywinks 
and  the  Snappers  who  came  running  in  from 
the  woods  that  stood  on  all  sides  of  this  beau- 
tiful spot. 


VI. 


THE  WHIMPERJAM  AND  THE  WOBBLEDYPIE. 

AT  first  the  Tiddleclywinks  paid  no  atten- 
tion to  Jimmieboy,  they  were  so  glad  to 
see  Whitey  back  again.  When  Jimmieboy 
had  said  "  Hullo"  to  them,  just  before  he 
caught  the  White  Tiddledywink,  they  were  so 
frightened  that  they  didn't  stop  to  see  who  it 
was  that  said,  "  Hullo."  If  they  had  they 
would  not  have  been  afraid,  because,  although 
Jimmieboy  was  a  great  deal  bigger  than  they 
were,  they  knew  what  kind  of  a  boy  he  was 
and  they  were  certain  he  wouldn't  intentionally 
hurt  any  one.  Indeed  they  had  heard  one  of 
the  little  tin  soldiers  say  that  Jimmieboy  was 
the  tenderest  hearted  boy  he  ever  knew,  and 


THE  WHIMPERJAM  AND  THE  WOBBLEDYPIE.  59 

he  had  added  that  while  it  hurt  him  very 
much  to  have  his  head  twisted  around  so 
that  the  back  of  his  neck  came  just  over  his 
scarf-pin,  and  although  it  was  extremely 
painful  to  have  his  leg  bent  backwards  until 
it  snapped  off,  Jimmieboy  was  so  awfully 
sweet  about  it  afterwards,  and  seemed  so 
very,  very  sorry  for  what  he  had  done,  that 
he  would  have  been  willing  to  go  through  the 
same  trial  ten  times  a  day  every  day  in  the 
week  for  the  rest  of  his  life,  just  for  the  pleas- 
ure of  being  petted  and  sympathized  with 
afterwards. 

But  they  all  thought  it  was  some  horrible 
animal  that  had  caught  Whitey  and  yelled 
"  Hullo"  and  so  they  ran  as  fast  as  their  legs 
could  carry  them.  It  was  dark  in  the  room 
at  the  time  and  they  didn't  know  but  that  the 
Wobbledypie  had  come  after  them,  and 
Reddy  said  he  was  sure  it  was  the  Whimper- 
jam,  because  he  had  heard  him  whimper. 

Now  the  Wobbledypie  was  an  animal  that 
Jimmieboy  had  never  heard  of  before,  al- 
though if  he  had  read  Blackey's  poem  about 
that  terrible  creature  he  would  have  known 
well  enough  what  it  was— as  you  will  know 


60  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

when  you  read  the  poem  which   I  will  print 
right  here. 

"  O  the  Wobbledypie  is  a  horrible  bird, 

With  a  sewing  machine  for  a  mouth — 
And  he  comes,  or  at  least  it  is  so  I  have  heard, 
From  the  regions  that  lie  in  the  south. 

He's  a  nose  that's  a  hundred  and  ten  inches  long, 
And  his  eyes  are  big  windows  of  glass — 

And  on  each  of  his  fingers  he  carries  a  prong, 
Which  he  uses  for  lighting  the  gas. 

And  a  very  queer  thing  'bout  the  Wobbledypie 
When  he's  moving  he  rolls  like  a  ball — 

But  the  funniest  yet  to  the  Tiddledy  eye 
He  has  really  no  body  at  all." 

That  is  about  as  fine  a  description  of  the 
Wobbledypie  as  I  ever  heard,  although  it 
fails  to  mention  the  fact  that  you  can  always 
tell  the  Wobbledypie,  even  when  he  is  far 
away,  by  his  hat,  which  is  a  tall  beaver  hat 
like  the  one  Jimmieboy's  papa  wears  to  church 
on  Sundays,  only  the  silk  on  it  is  brushed  the 
wrong  way  so  as  to  give  it  a  fuzzy  look.  If 
you  see  a  Wobbledypie  without  his  hat,  you 
will  know  at  once  that  he  isn't  a  real  Wobble- 
dypie but  a  Tartlejig — which  isn't  half  so  use- 
ful as  the  Wobbledypie,  has  a  nose  only  nine- 


THE  WHIMPERJAM AND  THE  WOBBLEDYPIE.  61 

ty-two  inches  long,  and  the  window  glass  in 
his  eyes  is  dull  and  cracked.  Besides  nobody 
is  ever  afraid  of  a  Tartlejig,  and  the  Tiddledy- 
winks  even  go  so  far  as  to  pull  his  whiskers 
and  call  him  by  his  first  name,  which  to  a 
Tartlejig  is  the  most  awful  thing  that  can 
happen. 

The  Whimperjam  is  another  kind  of  crea- 
ture altogether,  but  quite  as  terrible.  He  is 
eating  all  the  time  and  nothing  satisfies  him 
quite  so  well  as  strawberry  jam — from  which 
he  gets  part  of  his  name.  The  other  part  he 
gets  from  his  habit  of  whimpering  when  he 
hasn't  any  jam.  He  is  a  great  tease,  is  the 
Whimperjam,  and  for  that  reason  the  Tiddle- 
cly winks  fear  him.  It  makes  him  very  happy 
indeed  to  catch  a  Tiddledywink  and  compel 
his  captive  to  roll  about  him,  and  he  never 
stops  until  the  Tiddledywink  has  rolled  five 
miles,  which  makes  the  Tiddledywink  very 
dizzy,  as  you  would  be  if  you  turned  round 
and  round  three  hundred  thousand  times 
in  a  single  afternoon — and  that  is  about 
what  the  Tiddledywink  would  have  to  do  to 
go  five  miles.  But  the  Whimperjam  is  a 
much  better  looking  creature  than  the  Wob- 


62  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

bledypie  or  the  Tartlejig.  He  has  bright  red 
hair,  blue  eyes  and  a  nose  that  looks  like  a 
shoe  horn.  His  mouth  is  very  small — only 
large  enough  to  get  strawberry  jam  and 
whimpers  through.  Like  the  Wobbledypie  he 
has  no  body,  but  his  legs,  which  grow  out  of  his 
neck  just  below  his  chin,  are  very  pretty  in- 
deed, looking  like  candlesticks,  and  he  always 
has  them  covered  with  pretty  striped  stock- 
ings. His  arms,  too,  are  peculiar,  being  four 
times  as  long  as  his  legs  and  having  four 
joints  in  each,  so  that  he  can  fold  them  up  out 
of  his  way  when  he  is  walking. 

The  Tiddledywinks  have -to  be  very  careful 
about  the  Whimperjam  because  he  can  reach 
so  far.  Indeed  Blackey  has  a  verse  about 
this  fearful  animal  in  which  he  says  : 

A  great,  big,  horrid  Whimperjam 

Got  hold  of  me  one  day 
When  I  was  standing  where  I  am 

And  he  a  mile  away. 

So,  as  I  say,  it  was  a  very  glad  time  for  the 
Tiddledywinks  when  they  saw  Whitey  back 
again  safe  and  sound. 

"  Was  it  the  Whimperjam  got  you  ?"  asked 


THE  WHIMPERJAM  AND  THE  WOBBLED  YPIE.  63 

Reddy,  putting  his  arm  around  him.  "  If  it 
was  you  must  be  tired." 

"No,  it  wasn't  the  Whimperjam,"  returned 
Whitey  with  a  smile  and  a  glance  at  Jimmie- 
boy — the  idea  of  anybody's  taking  him  for  a 
Whimperjam  was  so  absurd. 

"  Then  it  must  have  been  the  Wobbledy- 
pie,"  said  Bluey.  "  I  said  so  too.  You  can't 
fool  me  even  in  the  dark.  I  can  tell  a  Wob- 
bledypie  anywhere,  even  if  I  don't  see  him.  I 
can  tell  by  the  sound  of  his  mind  working 
when  he  thinks,  and  when  his  eyes  wink  it 
sounds  like  torpedoes.  Didn't  you  hear  him 
winking,  Greeney?"  he  asked,  turning  to  the 
Green  Tiddledywink,  who  was  picking  a  bou- 
quet of  dandebears  for  Whitey — they  don't 
have  dandelions  in  Tiddledywink-land,  but 
the  dandebears  are  quite  as  pretty. 

"  Cert'nly,"  said  Greeney.  "  I  heard  him 
wink  and  what's  more  when  I  was  climbing  up 
the  side  of  the  basket  to  get  away  I  looked 
back  and  I  saw  him  reach  out  his  hand  and 
catch  Whitey.  He  had  a  boxing  glove  on  it, 
but  I  knew  it  was  a  Wobbledypie's  hand  just 
the  same — I  could  hear  his  knuckles  crack." 

"  Did    he    dip    you    in    the    mucilage    pot, 


64  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

Whitey?"  asked  Bluey — for  this  was  the  fa- 
vorite method  of  the  Wobbledypie  for  ma- 
king the  Tiddledywinks  unhappy. 

Whitey  laughed  aloud. 

"  You  Tiddledys  must  have  been  dreaming," 
he  said,  "  or  else  you  have  wonderful  eyesight 
and  ear-hearing  to  be  able  to  see  things  that 
aren't  and  hear  things  that  ain't.  It  wasn't 
the  Wobbledypie  that  said  '  Hullo'  and 
grabbed  me — nor  the  Tartlejig,  nor  the  Pin- 
joodle,  but  dear  little  Jimmieboy." 

"  Not  the  pretty  little  fellow  who's  been 
playing  with  us  all  day  and  who  gave  me 
three  rides  around  the  nursery  in  his  choo- 
choo  cars  for  nothing?1'  said  Blackey. 

"The  very  same,"  said  Whitey. 

"  Well,  this  is  very  curious, 

It's  like  I  never  see, 
It  may  not  be  too  much  for  us 
But  'tis  too  much  for  me." 

said  Blackey.  And  then  he  added,  "I  don't 
see  how  Bluey  could  ever  have  taken  Jimmie- 
boy for  the  Wobbledypie." 

"  Perhaps,"  said  Jimmieboy,  thinking  it  was 
about  time  somebody  paid  some  attention  to 


THE  WHIMPERJAM AND  THE  WOBBLEDYPIE,  65 

him,  "  perhaps  it  was  my  curl  papers.      Does 
the  Wobbledypie  ever  wear  curl  papers  ?  " 

"  Oh,  often,"  said  the  Green  Tiddledywink. 
"  He  wears  them  on  his  upper  lip  because 
part  of  his  business  is  to  sneer  at  things  and 
his  lip  is  naturally  straight,  so  he  has  to 
curl  it." 

"  That  accounts  for  it,"  said  Bluey,  rather 
glad  to  get  out  of  the  position  he  was  in  so 
easily.  He  was  afraid  Jimmieboy  might  be 
angry  at  being  taken  for  the  Wobbledypie  and 
this  made  everything  all  right.  "  I  saw  the 
curl  papers  and  didn't  wait  for  the  rest.  I'm 
not  very  brave  when  the  Wobbledypie  comes 
around  you  know,"  he  said,  addressing  Jimmie- 
boy in  a  whisper.  "It  isn't  pleasant  to  be 
clipped  in  the  mucilage.  It  makes  you  feel  so 
sticky,  you  know,  so  I  always  run.  Ever 
been  dipped  in  mucilage,  sir  ?  " 

"  No,  I've  never  been  dipped  in  mucilage— 
that  is  on'y  my  fumb,"  answered  Jimmieboy. 

"  Your  what  ?  "  asked  Bluey. 

44  My  fumb — my  big  little  finger  that  sits 
all  alone  down  in  the  corner  of  my  hand," 
replied  Jimmieboy,  illustrating  his  statement 
by  holding  his  thumb  up  and  wiggling  it. 


66  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  Oh  yes.  Your  thumb,"  returned  Bluey. 
"  And  didn't  it  stick?" 

"  Yes — it  felt  just  like  molasses — but  it 
tasted  diff'ent,"  said  Jimmieboy,  making  a 
wry  face  at  the  remembrance  of  the  muci- 
lage's taste. 

"Jimmieboy  has  come  over  to  stay  a  little 
while  with  us,"  said  Whitey  at  this  point, 
"and  I  want  you  Tiddledys  to  show  him 
around.  There  are  lots  of  things  here  that 
he's  never  seen." 

"Very  well,"  said  the  Yellow  Tiddledy- 
wink.  "  I'll  show  him  the  Moon-flowers 
and  my  hoe  with  teeth." 

"  I'll  read  him  some  things  from  my 
poems,"  said  Blackey. 

"  He  may  not  think  they  have  much  sense, 
But  that  is  only  fair 
Because  although  they  are  immense, 
There  isn't  any  there." 

"  And  I,"  said  the  Red  Tiddledywink, 
"  will  take  him  up  to  my  room  and  ask  him 
riddles  and  tell  him  lots  and  lots  of  jokes." 

"  I'll  take  him  rowing,"  said  the  Green  Tid- 
dledywink. 


THE  WHIMPERJAM AND  THE  WOBRLEDYPIE.  67 

"  Papa  don't  let  me  go  wowing,"  replied 
Jimmieboy. 

''Why  not?"  queried  Greeney. 

"  Because  he's  afwaid  I'll  fall  in  the  water," 
said  Jimmieboy. 

"Oh,  pshaw!"  returned  the  Green  Tiddle- 
dywink.  "We  don't  row  anywhere  near  the 
water.  How  could  you  row  a  bicycle  on 
water?  It  wouldn't  float.  Come  along." 

And  before  Jimmieboy  knew  how  he  got 
there,  he  and  the  Green  Tiddledywink  were 
seated  on  a  beautiful  nickel  bicycle,  rowing 
down  the  garden  path  as  fast  as  their  oars 
could  take  them. 


-J? 


VII. 

JIMMIEBOY  AND  GREENEY  GO  ROWING. 

FOR  a  few  minutes  Jimmieboy  was  uneasy. 
It  isn't  the  certainest  thing  in  the  world 
rowing  a  bicycle.  It  is  even  harder,  some 
people  think,  than  riding  one  in  the  regular 
way  because  the  oars  sometimes  do  not  weigh 
the  same  and  make  the  bicycle  tip  to  one  side, 
but  after  he'd  rowed  a  mile  or  two  Jimmieboy 
began  to  like  it  very  much  and  got  so  that  he 
wasn't  at  all  afraid. 

"  Do  you  wow  much  ?"  he  said,  turning  to 
the  Green  Tiddledywink  who  sat  behind  him. 

"  Oh,  yes  indeed.  "  I'm  out  rowing  nearly 
all  the  time — but  the  others  don't  care  so 
very  much  for  it.  They  like  sailing  better 


JIMMIEBOY  AND  GREENE Y  GO  ROWING.    69 

than  they  do  rowing.  They  think  it  is  easier, 
and  perhaps  it  is,  but  I  believe  in  taking  all 
the  exercise  I  can  get.  Exercise  makes  you 
good  and  strong,  and  I'm  the  strongest  Tid- 
dledywink  in  the  basket." 

"  I  shouldn't  fink  sailing  on  a  bicycle  would 
be  very  safe,"  said  Jimmieboy.  He  had  seen 
boats  sailing  on  a  lake  his  papa  and  mamma 
had  taken  him  to,  way  up  in  the  mountains, 
the  summer  before,  and  he  knew  well  enough 
that  sometimes  when  the  wind  blew  pretty 
hard  the  boats  used  to  go  over  on  one 
side  and  he  couldn't  see  very  well  how  a 
bicycle  could  be  made  to  stand  up  at  all  if 
that  should  happen  to  it. 

"Well,  you  are  right  there,"  said  the  Tid- 
dledywink,  "  it  isn't  safe  unless  you  have  your 
roads  padded  with  mattresses  and  that  costs  a 
great  many  flowers." 

"Gweat  many  fwowers?  "  asked  Jimmieboy, 
opening  his  eyes  as  wide  as  he  could,  for  he 
was  just  as  surprised  as  he  could  be.  "What 
do  you  mean  by  that?" 

"  We  pay  all  our  bills  with  flowers  in  Tid- 
dledywink-land.  Didn't  you  know  that?" 
asked  the  Tiddledywink,  surprised  in  his  turn. 


70  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  Never  heard  of  such  a  funny  ring,"  said 
Jimmieboy.     "  S'pose  all  your  fwowers  fade— 
what  becomes  of  your  money  ?" 

"  Flowers  don't  fade  here.  They're  all 
made  of  wax.  Don't  you  know  about  the 
bees?"  said  Greeney. 

"  Of  course  I  know  about  the  bees,"  said 
Jimmieboy.  "  Know  lots  about  'em.  They 
bite  with  their  tails — and  they  wun  awound  the 
gardens  and  get  honey  out  of  the  fwowers." 

"  Yes,"  said  the  Green  Tiddledywink. 
"  That's  all  true — but  didn't  you  ever  hear  of 
beeswax  ?  " 

"Guess  I  did,"  laughed  Jimmieboy.  "My 
mamma's  got  some  down  in  the  ironing  room 
to  wub  on  the  irons.  I  know  all  about  it  too 
because  I  tried  to  chew  some  of  it  up  one 
day  and  couldn't.  It  was  pyitty  good 
though." 

"  Well,  where  do  you  suppose  the  bees  got 
that  ?  " 

"  I  never  fought  to  fink,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"  Well,  I'll  tell  you,"  said  Greeney.  "  They 
get  it  out  of  the  wax.  flowers  that  grow  here 
in  Tiddledywink-land.  That's  where ;  and 
when  its  fried  in  pancakes  with  nutmeg  dust 


JIMMIEDOY  AND  GREENE  Y  CO  ROWING.    71 

on  'em  it's  the  finest  dish  you  ever  looked 
at." 

"  But  if  your  fwowers  are  made  of  wax  they 
don't  have  any  smell,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"  Oh,  yes,  they  do,"  retortecl  the  Tiddledy- 
wink,  "  and  what's  more  we  can  make  'em 
smell  just  as  we  want  'em  to  because  we 
water  'em  with  cologne.  If  we  think  a  daiso- 
let  would  be  nicer  if  it  smelled  like  a  heliorose 
or  a  verbcnatrope  we  water  it  with  cologne 
that  will  make  it  smell  that  way,  so  every- 
body's satisfied  with  flowers  he  has." 

"  Isn't  it  wavver  'spensive  waterin'  fwowers 
with  cologne  ?  "  asked  Jimmieboy.  "  I  bwoke 
a  bottle  of  cologne  once  and  my  Nana  said 
anovver  one  just  like  it  would  cost,  oh,  ever  so 
much  money — over  fifty  cents,  she  said. 
That's  more'n  you  cost." 

"  'Tisn't  more'ji  we  cost,"  said  the  Tiddle- 
dywink  warmly.  "  We  cost  a  dollar.  We 
aren't  any  fifty  cent  Tiddledywinks  and  you 
mustn't  think  we  are.  We  are  all  in  fast 
colors  and  we  haven't  any  nicks  in  us  either, 
and  besides  our  basket's  worth  more'n  forty 
cents.  But  never  mind  about  that.  Cologne 
would  be  expensive  if  we  didn't  have  it  in 


72  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

fountains.  Comes  down  from  the  Tiddledy- 
wink  mountains  and  spouts  right  up  in  our 
gardens.  That's  the  best  kind  of  cologne 
there  is,  you  know.  Comes  right  straight  out 
of  the  ground  and  doesn't  have  to  be  mixed 
or  bottled  or  anything — only  just  smelled." 

For  a  minute  or  two  Jimmieboy  said  noth- 
ing. He  thought  it  must  be  penfectly  lovely 
to  live  in  the  country  where  they  had  foun- 
tains of  cologne  and  where  flowers  always 
smelled  just  as  you  wanted  them  to,  and  he 
had  an  idea  that  he'd  like  to  stay  with  the  Tid- 
dledywinks  all  the  time  ;  but  then,  when  he 
thought  of  his  papa  and  mamma  and  his  books 
and  cars  and  dollies  and  all  the  other  nice 
things  he  had  in  the  nursery,  he  made  up  his 
mind  that  after  all  he  would  like  Tiddledywink- 
land  better  as  a  place  to  visit,  and  he  resolved 
that  when  he  went  back  home  again  he  would 
tell  his  papa  all  about  the  lovely  country  he 
was  now  in,  and  try  to  get  him  to  visit  it  too, 
and  maybe  bring  mamma  if  she'd  come — which 
he  doubted  because  his  mamma  was  too  fond 
of  home  to  take  pleasure  in  travelling  any- 
where. 

"  What  kind  of  fing  do  they  go  sailing  in 


JIMMIEBOY  AND  GREENE Y  GO  ROWING.    73 

then,  if  they  can't  sail  bicycles?"  he  asked, 
at  last  breaking  the  silence. 

"  Sometimes  they  go  in  boats  built  like 
your  express  wagon.  Sometimes  they  go  out 
in  baby  carriages,  but  most  of  the  time  they 
have  a  little  sled  on  wheels  with  a  big  pole 
for  the  sail  in  the  middle  of  it,"  returned  the 
Tiddledywink.  "  When  they  go  chickening 
they  use  a  great  big  donkey  cart  because  it 
stands  way  up  high  and  doesn't  frighten  the 
chickens." 

"  I  don't  know  what  you  mean  by  wicken- 
ing,"  said  Jimmieboy,  who  was  very  much 
puzzled  by  what  the  Tiddledywink  said. 
"  What  is  wickening  ?  " 

"  I  didn't  say  wickening,"  retorted  the  Tid- 
dledywink. "  I  said  chickening.  I  thought 
everybody  knew  what  chickening  was.  It's 
like  fishing,  only  instead  of  catching  fish  you 
catch  chickens.  Get  a  boat  and  sail  out  to 
where  the  chickens  are  thickest ;  tie  up  to 
a  hitching  post,  and  then  bait  your  line  with 
a  piece  of  corn  or  a  cold  cake  of  some  kind 
and  haul  in  chickens  by  the  dozen.  It's  great 
sport  chickening.  Blackey's  very  fond  of  it. 
In  his  little  book  called  '  Poems  of  an  Aged 


74  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

Snapper,'  he  wrote  a  mighty  pretty  verse  on 
it.     This  is  the  way  it  goes  : 


"  'Ah  me,  I  sigh  for  those  old  days — 

The  days  when  papa  use'ter 
Take  me  chickening  through  the  maize. 
My  baited  line  I'd  cast  and  raise 
A  fat,  fourteen  pound  rooster.'  " 

"  I  don't  beyieve  it's  a  twue  sto'y  at  all," 
said  Jimmieboy.  "  No  Snapper  could  ever 
haul  in  a  fourteen  pound  wooster.  He 
wouldn't  be  heavy  enough." 

"  Well,  I  don't  know  about  that,"  said  the 
Green  Tiddledywink  with  a  shake  of  his  head. 
"Those  Snappers  are  pretty  smart  fellows 
and  may  be  the  Poppergee  helped  him." 

"What's  a  Poppergee?"  asked  Jimmieboy. 

"  He's  the  good  fairy  of  the  Tiddledywinks," 
answered  Greeney.  "  He  comes  to  us  when 
we  are  in  a  fix  and  puts  cold  cream  on  our 
troubles.  He's  awful  nice.  He's  a  big  tall 
creature  with  blue  trousers  on,  and  he  always 
has  a  bunch  of  keys  in  his  pocket  and  a  bottle 
of  vaseline  in  his  bag.  I'll  never  forget  the 
first  time  I  tried  to  go  sailing  on  a  bicycle 
and  got  upset.  It  was  over  my  head— 


JIMMIEBOY  AND  GREENEY  GO  ROWING.    75 

"  Over  your  head  on  the  path  ?  I  don't 
see  how  that  could  be,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"  You  didn't  wait  for  me  to  finish," 
returned  the  Tiddledywink,  "  and  you  ought 
always  to  wait  until  people  are  through  talk- 
ing before  you  begin.  As  Blackey  puts  it : 

4  When  other  people  have  the  floor, 

I'll  tell  you  what  to  do  : 
Refrain  from  putting  in  your  oar 
Till  t'other  ones  are  through."  ' 

"'Scuse  me,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "  Papa 
told  me  about  that  too  and  I  forgot." 

"Well,  as  I  was  saying,"  said  Greeney. 
"  It  was  over  my  head  when  I  fell  out— 
because  I  fell  into  the  bushes.  It  was  horrid, 
too.  I  couldn't  see,  and  the  ladder  we  carry 
with  us  when  we  sail,  so's  to  climb  up  and 
call  for  help  in  case  of  accident,  wasn't  where 
I  could  reach  it  at  all  and  I  was  in  an  aw- 
ful position.  I  cried  that  time  I  can  tell 
you — cried  so  hard  my  tears  wet  my  feet  and 
gave  me  a  fearful  cold.  That's  the  worst 
part  of  this  land  sailing.  If  you  get  wrecked 
and  cry,  you  get  so  awfully  wet,  while  at  sea 


76  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

your  tears  just  drop  in  the  water  and  don't 
do  any  harm.  But,  just  as  I  was  giving  my- 
self up  for  lost,  the  Poppergee  came  along, 
and  I  tell  you  I  was  glad.  I  knew  he 
was  coming  by  the  rattle  of  his  keys  in  his 
pocket  as  he  walked.  I  called  to  him  and  he 
pulled  me  out,  gave  me  a  nice  big  spoonful  of 
vaseline  and  a  little  bit  of  cold  cream  and  I 
was  all  right  again.  So  you  see  I  am  very 
fond  of  the  Poppergee." 

"  I  should  fink  you  would  be  very  fond  of 
him,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "  It's  a  very  fine  fing 
to  have  a  good  fairwy  yike  that.  I've  got  one, 
and  I  fink  he  must  be  somefing  yike  your 
Poppergee.  He  has  a  bunch  of  keys  in  his 
pocket  and  he  wears  blue  twousers  too,  some- 
times, but  he  never  carwies  cold  cweam  and 
vaseline  in  his  bag.  He's  'bout  six  feet  tall." 

"  So's  our  Poppergee,"  put  in  Greeney. 
"  And  he  never  wears  a  hat  in  the  house." 

"  Neiver  does  my  fairwy,"  said  Jimmieboy. 
"  Does  your  Poppergee  have  a  watch  that 
says  '  tick'  all  the  time  ?  " 

"  Yes,  he  has,"  replied  the  Tiddledywink. 
"And  it  is  always  eight  minutes  behind  time 


JIMMIEBOY  AND  GREENE  Y  GO  ROWING,    77 

and  the  Poppergee  never  can  remember 
whether  it's  too  slow  or  too  fast,  so  he  always 
gets  where  he  wants  to  be  long  before  he 
wants  to  be  there,  and  so  he  never  gets 
left." 

"  Then  I  know  who  the  Poppergee  is,"  said 
Jimmieboy  with  a  chuckle." 

"  Who  ?"  asked  Greeney. 

"Never  you  mind,"  said  Jimmieboy,  "but 
when  I  go  home  I'm  going  to  tease  my  papa 
about  somefing,  'cause  he's  got  a  watch  that's 
eight  minutes  wrong  too,  and  he  wears  blue 
—but  never  mind.  I'll  have  lots  of  fun  with 
him.  Hullo!  What's  this?"  he  added 
suddenly,  for  the  bicycle  had  stopped  before 
a  little  green  summer-house  and  Greeney 
had  hopped  to  the  ground  and  offered  his 
hand  to  Jimmieboy  to  help  him  down. 


,:  -'  £ — /ft"  "  \    ~**^^' 

pryR^aenatiteGrijaiJ       "5 

[The  C.t  ^al  JoWn  on.      ' .  I 


VIII. 

MISS  GREEN  TIDDLEDYWINK. 

IPiEAR  me  !  "  cried  Jimmieboy  in  surprise, 

\J  as  he  gazed  at  the  pretty  little  cottage 
before  which  he  and  the  Green  Tiddledywink 
were  standing.  "What  is  this?" 

"  This  is  my  home,"  replied  the  Tiddledy- 
wink with  a  proud  smile.  "  This  is  where  my 
brothers  and  sisters  and  I  live,  together  with 
our  Snapper.  Isn't  it  nice  ?" 

"  Perfectly  lubly,"  said  Jimmieboy,  clap- 
ping his  hands  with  delight,  "  but  I  fought 
you  all  lived  down  there  in  the  basket !  " 

"  You  mustn't  think  when  you  are  in  Tid- 
dledywink-land,"  said  the  Green  Tiddledywink 
gravely.  He  grew  very  solemn,  because  he 


MISS  GREEN  TIDDLEDYWINK.  79 

didn't  want  to  have  to  tell  Jimmieboy  what 
he  had  hidden  from  him  in  the  beginning— 
that  the  Tiddledywinks  only  slept  in  the  par- 
lor in  the  basket  when  they  were  naughty. 
He  didn't  want  Jimmieboy  to  know  that  the 
Tiddledywinks  ever  were  naughty,  and  so  he 
tried  to  keep  him  from  saying  anything  more 
on  that  subject.  "You  mustn't  think  here," 
he  added,  "  because  it's  against  our  laws, 
except  at  dinner  time,  when  you  have  to 
think  whether  you  like  your  dinner  or  not. 
Didn't  you  know  that  if  people  didn't  know 
what  it  was  to  think,  it  would  never  occur  to 
them  to  be  thoughtless  ?" 

"  I  never  fought  of  that,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"Which  shows  how  much  good  it  does  to 
think,"  cried  the  Tiddledywink.  "  With  all 
your  thinking  you  haven't  been  able  to  think 
of  things  that  we  think  of  without  thinking." 

o  o 

"  I  wish  you'd  say  that  again,"  said  Jimmie- 
boy, puzzled  a  little  bit  by  the  Tiddledywink's 
words.  "  I  couldn't  exyactly  follow  you." 

"  No,  I  couldn't  say  it  again  because  I've  got 
so  many  other  things  to  say,"  returned  the 
Tiddledywink,  "and  as  for  following  me,  you 
won't  find  that  hard  if  you  will  keep  your  eye 


8o  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

on  me  and  go  wherever  I  go.  Won't  you 
come  in  and  see  my  brothers  and  sisters  and 
the  Snapper?"  he  added. 

Jimmieboy  never  remembered  whether  he 
said  he  would  go  in  or  not.  All  he  ever  knew 
about  it  was  that  he  soon  found  himself  stand- 
ing in  the  prettiest  little  parlor  imaginable, 
where,  playing  on  a  piano  about  as  tall  as  a 
darning  needle,  he  saw  a  lovely  Tiddledywink 
with  what  looked  like  a  satin  dress  on.  It 
was  the  Green  Tiddledywink's  sister  practis- 
ing her  music  lesson,  and  as  Jimmieboy  list- 
ened to  the  tune  she  was  playing  he  thought 
he  "  reckernized"  it,  but  whether  it  was 
"  Yankee  Doodle"  or  "  Way  Down  Upon  the 
Suwanee  River,"  he  couldn't  quite  make  out. 
At  any  rate  he  thought  it  was  an  awfully 
pretty  tune  and  he  said  so. 

"Oh  dear,"  cried  little  Miss  Green  Tiddle- 
dywink, jumping  up  hurriedly  from  the  piano. 
"  Excuse  me,  I  didn't  know  anyone  had  come 
in." 

"  It's  only  Jimmieboy  and  me,"  said  her 
brother. 

"  And  I  enjoyed  the  moobic  so  much,"  said 
Jimmieboy — he  always  called  music  'moobic.' 


MISS  GREEN  TIDDLEDYWINK.  81 

However  Miss  Green  Tiddledywink  seemed 
to  understand. 

"  What  was  it  you  were  playing  ?  "  he  added. 
"  '  Yankee  Doodle  '  or  '  Way  Down  Upon  the 
Suwanee  River'  ?" 

"  I  don't  know  either  of  those  songs,"  re- 
plied Miss  Green  Tiddledywink.  "  The  air  I 
was  playing  is  called  '  Suwanee  Doodle.' 
There  is  a  tune  called  'Way  Down  Upon  the 
Yankee  River,'  but  I  only  know  it  upon  the 
finger-bowls — I've  never  played  it  on  the 
piano." 

"  I  don't  fink  I  quite  unnerstand  you,"  said 
Jimmieboy.  "What  do  you  mean  when  you 
say  you  know  it  on  the  finger-bowls?" 

"  Didn't  you  ever  play  on  the  finger-bowls?" 
asked  the  Green  Tiddledywink. 

"  Nope,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "Not  as  I  can 
recommember." 

"  Then  I'll  play  them  for  you,"  said  Miss 
Green  Tiddledywink,  rising  and  walking  to 
the  table  where  there  stood  all  in  a  row  a 
dozen  pretty  glass  finger-bowls,  which,  when 
she  tapped  them  with  a  little  gold  hammer 
she  had,  tinkled  forth  the  most  beautiful 
'moobic'  Jimmieboy  had  ever  heard.  When 


82  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

she  had  finished  playing  she  turned  to  Jim- 
mieboy  and  said  : 

" That's  'Way  Down  Upon  the  Yankee 
River'/' 

"Yes — I  know  now,"  said  Jimmieboy. 
"Your  tune  'Suwanee  Doodle,'  is  'Yankee 
Doodle'  mixed  with  '  Suwanee  River/  while 
your  'Yankee  River'  is  'Suwanee  River'  mixed 
with  'Yankee  Doodle.'" 

"  Yes,  I  guess  that's  it,"  said  Miss  Green 
Tiddledywink.  "  I  never  could  tell  the  differ- 
erence  between  them  myself,  except  that  I 
could  play  one  on  the  piano  and  the  other  on 
the  finger-bowls." 

"Don't  you  fink  that's  a  funny  fing  to 
use  finger  bowls  for — to  play  tunes  on?" 
asked  Jimmieboy  of  Miss  Green  Tiddledy- 
wink. 

"Funny!"  she  answered,  "  whatever  else 
could  they  be  used  for?  How  do  you  use 
finger  bowls  up  where  you  live  ?  As  hats?" 

Here  the  little  young  woman  laughed  mer- 
rily, and  Jimmieboy  could  not  help  doing  the 
same,  because  it  did  seem  very  absurd,  this 
idea  of  hers,  that  he  and  his  papa  and  mamma 
wore  finger-bowls  for  hats. 


MISS  GREEN  TIDDLEDYWINK.  83 

"  Why,  no.  We  have  'em  for  dinner,"  said 
he. 

"You  don't  eat  'em?"  cried  Miss  Green 
Tiddledywink. 

"No,  no,  no,  no!"  laughed  Jimmieboy. 
"We  couldn't  eat  glass.  Of  course  not — but 
we  use  them  to  wash  our  hands  in." 

"  I  should  think,"  said  the  young  woman, 
her  lip  curving  into  a  becoming  bit  of  a  sneer^ 
"  I  should  think  you  would  wash  your  hands 
before  going  to  dinner.  I  don't  understand 
you  people  anyhow,"  she  added.  "  I  think  you 
are  exceedingly  queer.  You  think  it  is  so  aw- 
fully fine  to  have  hair  on  your  heads  and  yet 
it  is  a  fearful  bother  for  you  to  keep  it  curled. 
I  think  Blackey  hit  it  off  just  about  right  in 
his  rhyme  on  unnecessary  things.  He  wrote  : 

'  Oh  how  I  hate  unnecessary  things, 
Including  beggars,  measles,  mumps  and  kings. 
Oh  how  I  hate  the  things  that  no  one  needs, 
Including  whooping-cough,  snow-balls  and  weeds. 
How  glad  am  I  that  I  don't  have  to  wear 
Eye-glasses,  rubber-boots  or  curly-hair — 
And  how  my  heart  doth  gladly  beat  and  sing 
That  I'm  not  an  unnecessary  thing.'  " 

Here  Jimmieboy  noticed  for  the  first  time 
that  little  Miss  Green  Tiddledywink  was  bald 


84  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

and  he  was  surprised  to  see  that  she  was  just 
as  pretty  as  could  be  in  spite  of  it. 

"  But  our  heads  would  look  very  funny  if  we 
didn't  have  hair,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"  Oh,  that's  all  a  notion,"  returned  Miss 
Green  Tiddledywink,  "and  besides  even  if 
you  did  look  funny  you  could  cover  it  up  with 
a  hat." 

"  That's  so,"  said  Jimmieboy,  "but  they 
don't  let  little  boys  keep  their  hats  on  in  the 
house  where  I  live." 

"  I  know  that,"  returned  the  Tiddledywink, 
"but  that's  only  because  they  don't  want  you 
to  cover  up  your  hair,"  and  then,  seeing  that 
Jimmieboy  was  looking  rather  bored  at  get- 
ting into  an  argument  about  his  people's  cus- 
toms, the  young  woman  asked  him  if  he 
wouldn't  like  to  have  her  sing  him  a  song, 
and  he  said  he  would,  whereupon  she  sang 
what  she  called  a  few  lines  from  Father  Gan- 
der's Melodies. 

They  ran  something  like  this  : 

"  I  had  a  little  husband  once, 

No  bigger  than  my  thumb ; 
I  took  him  round  to  Taffy's  house 
And  there  I  bade  him  drum. 


MISS  GREEN  TIDDLEDYWINK.  85 

When  Taffy  heard  him  drumming  there, 

Dressed  in  his  cloak  of  red, 
He  got  his  little  musket  down 

And  shot  him  in  the  head." 

"  My  Mother  Goose  has  got  some  po'twy 
in  it  somefmg  yike  that,"  said  Jimmieboy, 
"  on'y  Taffy  doesn't  shoot  the  little  husband. 
He  steals  a  marrow  bone." 

"  That's  a  queer  thing  to  do,"  returned  lit- 
tle Miss  Green  Tiddledywink.  "Whatever 
could  he  do  with  a  marrow  bone  ?  That 
doesn't  seem  a  likely  thing  to  do.  I  believe 
Father  Gander's  story  is  the  true  one,— 
though  it  was  rather  hard  on  the  little  hus- 
band. Did  you  ever  hear  this  one  ? 

'  I  love  little  Piggy,  her  grunt  is  so  sweet, 
And  if  I  don't  hurt  her  she'll  slowly  repeat 
The  names  of  her  uncles,  the  price  of  her  hat, 
And  tell  funny  stories  about  Pussy  Cat.'  " 

Jimmieboy  laughed  at  this  until  his  sides 
ached. 

"  That's  very  funny,"  he  said,  "  but  it  ain't 
a  bit  yike  Mother  Goose's  story  about  loving 
little  Pussy  whose  coat  is  so  warm." 

"Coat?"  cried  the  little  Green  Tiddledy- 
wink girl.  "  I  don't  see  why  she  speaks  of 


86  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

the  Pussy  cat's  coat — as  if  the  Pussy  cat 
could  slip  it  on  and  off  whenever  she  wanted 
to  !  Why,  it's  'diculous." 

"  It's  what  ?"  asked  Jimmieboy.  '  Diculous' 
was  a  new  word  for  him. 

"  Oh,  you'd  say  wee-diculous,  I  suppose," 
returned  Miss  Tiddledywink,  "  but  I  haven't 
time  to  put  wees  on  all  my  words  the  way 
you  do." 

"  Tell  me  some  more  of  Father  Gander's 
po'twy,"  said  Jimmieboy,  wishing  to  change 
the  subject. 

"  Certainly,"  replied  Miss  Greeney,  rising 
from  her  chair  and  getting  a  book  from 
which  she  read  : 

"  Jack  Fat  could  eat  no  sprats, 

His  wife  would  not  eat  shrimps, 

And  while  Jack  rfunted  dogs  and  cats 

His  wife  would  curl  her  crimps." 

"That's  pyitty  good,"  said  Jimmieboy. 
"  Is  there  anyfing  there  about  '  Wain,  Wain, 
go  away  ? ' ' 

"  No,  but  there's  this  one  : 

Rain,  Rain,  do  not  shirk, — 
My  umbrella  wants  to  work  ! ' ' 


MISS  GREEN  TIDDLEDYWINK.  87 

said  Miss  Greeney.  "  Is  that  anything  like 
yours  ?  " 

"  Exyactly  the  same,"  said  Jimmieboy, 
"  on'y  it's  just  the  ropposite  to  the  way  mine 
goes.  How  about  '  Hey  Diddle  Diddle  ' — is 
that  there  ? " 

"  Yes,"  returned  Miss  Green  Tiddledywink, 
turning  over  the  pages.  "  Here  it  is  : 

<  Hey,  Diddle,  Diddle, 

The  Pig  and  the  Griddle  ! 
The  cat  sat  down  on  the  range  ; 

And  the  little  mouse  grinned 

When  the  taters  were  skinned, 
And  the  butcher  ran  off  with  the  change.' " 

u  But,"  said  Jimmieboy,  in  a  surprised  tone, 
"  doesn't  Father  Gander  tell  you  how  the  cow 
jumped  over  the  moon,  and  how  the  dish  wan 
away  with  the  spoon?" 

"Of  course  not,"  replied  Miss  Greeney. 
"And  how  could  he?  It  never  happened. 
A  pony  like  the  Red  Tiddledywink's  might 
be  able  to  jump  over  the  moon  because  he's 
got  spring  heels,  but  no  plain  dow  could  ever 
jump  that  high,  and  all  that  Father  Gander 
says  in  his  book  is  really  and  truly  true. 


88  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

Like  Jack  and  Jill.     Jack  never  fell  down  at 
all  as  it  really  happened. 

'  Jack  and  Jill  went  up  the  hill 

To  fetch  a  pail  of  water. 
Jill  came  near  to  falling  down, 

But  Jacky  deftly  caught  her.' 

That's    the    way    that    affair    happened." 

"  I  s'pose  that's  so,"  said  Jimmieboy, 
after  a  minute  of  thought ;  then  he  added, 
"  didn't  you  say  the  Wed  Widdledywink  had 
a  pony? " 

"  Yes,"  replied  Miss  Greeney.  "  A  lovely 
little — why, "  she  said,  interrupting  herself, 
''there  he  is  with  it  now  at  the  door.  " 

And  then  Jimmieboy  heard  the  Red  Tid- 
dledywink's  voice  out  in  front  of  the  green 
cottage  calling :  "Jimmieboy — oh — -Jimmie- 
boy! " 


IX. 

JIMMIEBOY  AND  REDDY    DRIVE  TO  THE  ZOO. 

AS  was  usually  the  case  with  Jimmieboy 
when  there  was  something  new  and  won- 
derful to  be  seen,  it  did  not  take  him  long  to 
present  himself  to  the  Red  Tiddledywink, 
who  sure  enough,  as  Miss  Green  Tiddledy- 
wink had  said,  had  arrived  with  his  pony  and 
barrow  to  take  Jimmieboy  driving. 

Jimmieboy  had  fully  intended  to  say 
"Howdy-do"  to  the  Red  Tiddledywink  as 
soon  as  he  saw  him,  but  when  the  pony  met 
his  gaze  he  was  so  pleased  that  he  forgot  to 
do  it — and  it  was  no  wonder  that  he  was 
pleased,  for  the  Red  Tiddledywink's  pony 
was  a  beauty — although  a  funny  looking 


90  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

beauty,  it  seemed  to  Jimmieboy  at  first.  He 
had  on  two  pairs  of  very  handsome  patent 
leather  shoes  and  blue  eye-glasses,  the  pony 
had,  which  seemed  very  strange  until  Jimmie- 
boy got  used  to  it.  Then  around  his  neck 
was  a  stiff  white  linen  sailor  collar,  with  a  red 
silk  necktie,  and  a  great  big  diamond  pin  in 
it,  such  as  Jimmieboy  remembered  seeing  the 
fireman,  who  was  his  mamma's  cook's  cousin, 
wear  once  when  he  called  on  the  cook.  Jim- 
mieboy remembered  it  because  he  happened 
to  be  in  the  kitchen  when  the  cook's  cousin 
called,  eating  the  cake  batter  from  the  sides 
of  a  big  earthenware  dish,  which  was  a  pleas- 
ure he  could  never  forget.  The  diamond  was 
very  dazzling,  and  that  was  why  the  pony 
had  to  wear  the  blue  eye-glasses.  But  the 
queerest  thing  about  the  pony  was  his  tail, 
growing  on  the  end  of  which  Jimmieboy 
noticed  a  great  big  fly  net. 

"  That's  a  great  scheme,"  the  Red  Tiddle- 
dywink  said  afterwards.  "  You  see  it  isn't 
enough  to  scare  a  fly  away,  because  he  gets 
over  his  fright  in  a  very  few  minutes  and 
comes  right  back  again.  The  way  our 
ponies'  tails  are  made  enables  them  to  catch 


JIMMIEBO  Y  AND  REDD  Y  DRI VE  TO  THE  ZOO.  91 

the  fly  and  hold  on  to  him,  so  that  when  he 
is  got  rid  of  once  he  is  got  rid  of  for  all  the 
time." 

"That's  a  good  ring,"  said  Jimmieboy. 
"  I'll  have  to  tell  papa  about  that  when  I  get 
back  home.'* 

"  Oh,  that  wouldn't  do  any  good,"  put  in 
the  Red  Tiddledywink,  "  because  they  have 
got  to  grow  on  the  horses.  You  couldn't  buy 
a  net  for  your  horses  to  catch  flies  with. 
Your  papa  knows  that  as  well  as  anybody, 
and  as  for  growing  'em  it's  only  on  Tiddledy- 
wink horses  that  these  nets  are  found." 

"  Then  I'll  tell  papa  to  buy  a  team  of 
Widdledywink  horses,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"  Humph !  Your  papa  must  be  rich,"  re- 
turned Reddy.  "  Do  you  know  how  much  a 
team  of  Tiddledywink  horses  would  cost?" 

"  No,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"  Well,  eight  dollars  wouldn't  more'n  begin 
to  buy  'em,"  said  the  Red  Tiddledywink, 
"  and  it  would  take  four  more  to  finish  the 
bargain." 

When  Jimmieboy  counted  up  and  real- 
ized that  it  would  take  twelve  full  dollars 
for  his  papa  to  buy  a  team  of  Tiddledywink 


92  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

horses,  he  sighed  ; — twelve  dollars  was  so 
much  money — and  he  had  only  managed  to 
save  nine  cents  since  his  last  birthday,  nearly 
a  year  ago.  But  to  return.  There  stood 
this  wonderful  pony  with  the  patent  leather 
shoes,  harnessed  to  a  wheel-barrow,  which 
he  pushed  before  him,  the  Red  Tiddledywink 
sitting  in  front,  near  the  wheel,  and  pointing 
out  to  the  pony  where  he  wished  to  go. 

"  Ready  ?"  asked  the  Tiddledywink. 

"  Yes — always,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"  Then  you  must  be  like  me,"  said  the  Tid- 
dledywink, with  a  grin.  "  I'm  always  Reddy 
too." 

And  then  Jimmieboy  remembered  that  the 
Red  Tiddledywink  was  the  one  that  was 
always  joking,  and  he  said  he  was  glad  to 
meet  him  again,  as  he  climbed  into  the 
wheel-barrow. 

"  Where  shall  we  drive  to?"  asked  the  Red 
Tiddledywink  as  Jimmieboy  took  a  seat 
beside  him.  "  Would  you  rather  go  to  the 
Zoo  or  to  see  the  Water-Wheel  ?  " 

"  I  don't  know,"  said  Jimmieboy,  after 
thinking  a  minute.  "  Which  is  the  bestest  ?  " 

"Well,   I   think    the    Water-Wheel    is    the 


JIMMIEBO  Y  AND  REDD  Y  DRI VE  TO  THE  ZOO.  93 

most  likely  to  please  everybody  because 
there's  always  enough  of  it  to  go  round," 
returned  the  Red  Tiddledywink,  "  but  some 
people  claim  to  have  had  a  roaring  good  time 
at  the  Zoo,  looking  at  the  Mangatoo  and  the 
other  animals  there." 

11  Let's  go  to  see  bofe  of  'em,"  said  Jim- 
mieboy.  "  We  have  time,  haven't  we  ?  " 

"  I  guess  so,n  said  the  Red  Tiddledywink, 
with  a  sly  wink  at  the  pony.  "  If  we  haven't 
we  can  stop  at  the  clockmaker's  and  buy 
some  ;  and  perhaps  if  he  hasn't  any  we'll 
meet  somebody  else  with  some  to  spare." 

This  made  Jimmieboy  laugh.  He  thought 
Reddy  was  a  very  bright  Tiddledywink  and 
he  said  so. 

"Well,  that's  very  true,"  said  the  Red  Tid- 
dledywink, "  but  you  know  red  is  a  bright 
color  and  I  guess  that's  where  I  get  it. 
Turn  to  the  left,  Mumbledypeg." 

The  pony  turned  to  the    right. 

"  Who  is  Wumbledypeg  ?"  asked  Jimmie- 
boy. 

"  The  pony,  of  course,"  answered  Reddy. — 
"  Who  did  you  suppose  it  was — that  poll-par- 
rot that's  just  lighted  on  his  mane  ?  " 


94  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  That's  not  a  poll-parwot,"  said  Jimmieboy, 
"  it's  a  horse-fly.  My  papa's  horse  always 
has  a  lot  of  'em  following  him." 

"  I  know  that's  what  you  call  them  up  your 
way,  but  we  call  them  poll-parrots  down  here 
because  they're  a  nuisance,"  returned  Reddy. 
"  Don't  you  think  Mumbledypeg  is  a  good 
name  for  my  pony  ? " 

"I  s'pose  it  is,"  said  Jimmieboy,  "but  it 
seems  a  pyitty  big  name  for  such  a  little 
horse." 

"  That's  just  why  I  named  him  Mumbledy- 
peg," returned  the  Red  Tiddledywink.  "  It'll 
make  him  think  he's  a  big  horse,  and  he  goes 
just  twice  as  fast  as  he  would  if  I  called  him 
Tiny.  He  thinks  I  think  he's  fourteen 
knuckles  high  instead  of  two  and  a  half,  and 
he  doesn't  want  me  to  think  anything  else, 
because,  you  know,  he's  a  proud  little  animal. 
That  is  why  he  wears  patent  leather  shoes 
—because  he's  so  full  of  pride." 

"  He  may  be  pwoud,"  said  Jimmieboy,  "  but 
I  don't  fink  he  knows  much." 

"  Don't  think  he  knows  much  ?  Why,  he's 
the  smartest  little  horse  you  ever  saw,"  re- 
torted Reddy,  indignantly. 


JIMMIES OY  AND  REDDY  DRIVE  TO  THE  ZOO.  95 

"  But  you  told  him  to  turn  to  the  left  and 
he  turned  to  the  wight." 

"  That  proves  just  what  I  said,"  cried  the 
Red  Tiddledywink  triumphantly.  "  He  knew 
more  than  I  did.  He  didn't  make  any  mis- 
take. He  knows  the  right  is  always  right." 

"I  hadn't  fought  of  it  that  way,"  said  Jim- 
mieboy,  "but  now  you  say  it,  I  see.  It's 
funny  though,  isn't  it?" 

"  I've  known  funnier  things,"  returned 
Reddy.  "  For  instance,  my  joke  about  the 
Turtle  and  the  Locomotive  was  a  great  deal 
funnier." 

"  I  don't  fink  I  know  that  one,"  said  Jim- 
mieboy. 

"It's  a  riddle,"  said  the  Tiddledywink. 
"  The  riddle  is  '  What's  the  difference  between 
a  turtle  and  a  locomotive  ? ' ' 

''Well,"  said  Jimmieboy  meekly,  "What 
is  it?" 

il  Don't  you  really  know?"  asked  the  Tid- 
dledywink. 

"  No,"  said  Jimmieboy,  innocently. 

"  Then  you'd  better  not  walk  on  the  rail- 
road track,"  roared  Reddy. 

Jimmieboy    heard     a    funny    short    laugh 


96  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

behind  him  and  when  he  turned  he  noticed 
that  the  pony's  eye-glasses  had  slipped— the 
little  animal  had  been  laughing.  He  laughed 
too,  Jimmieboy  did,  the  Tiddledywink  had 
caught  him  so  neatly,  but  he  didn't  like  it  very 
much  after  all. 

Just  then  Reddy  bowed  very  sweetly  to 
somebody  on  the  walk  beside  the  road. 

"  Who  was  that  ?"  asked  Jimmieboy. 

"  Why  don't  you  know  her?"  said  Reddy. 
"  That's  the  doll-baby  Bluey  said  was  stuffed 
with  saw-dust.  She's  a  great  friend  of  mine 
and  my  sister  has  invited  hef  down  here  to 
spend  a  week.  Blackey  wrote  the  invitation 
in  rhyme  for  us.  It  was  quite  pretty  too. 
He  wrote 

'  Dear  Dolly :     Come 

Where  wax-bees  hum, 
And  hare  bells  softly  clink- 

And  spend  some  time 

With,  yours  for  rhyme, 
The  Ruby  Tiddledywink.' " 

"That  was  very  nice,"  said  Jimmieboy. 
"  And  what  did  the  doll-baby  answer  ?" 

"  She  wrote  some  poetry  too  when  she 
answered.  She  said : 


JIMMIEBOY  AND  REDDY  DRIVE  TO  THE  ZOO.  97 

'  Look  out  for  me, 

O  waxen  bee, 
For  one  full  week — two  may  be. 

Excuse  my  pen 

(Where  has  it  been  !) 
Yours  always,  Dolly  Baby.'  " 

"  Did  she  send  the  letter  by  post,"  asked 
Jimmieboy. 

"Oh,  no  indeed,"  said  the  Red  Tiddledy- 
wink.  "  That's  a  silly  way  to  do.  Down 
here  in  Tiddledywink-land  we  never  think  of 
using  the  post.  When  we  have  letters  to 
write,  we  write  'em  and  then  take  'em  and 
deliver  'em  ourselves.  That  saves  time  and 
the  money  for  stamps  stays  in  our  own  pock- 
ets. The  doll-baby  brought  her  letter  with 
her." 

"  But  what's  the  use  of  witing  if  you  are 
fixed  so  that  you  can  take  the  letters  your- 
self ?  There  isn't  any  use  of  witing  rings 
that  you  can  say,"  protested  Jimmieboy. 

"  I  don't  know  about  that,"  said  Reddy. 
"  We  can  all  say  Blackey's  poetry  but  there 
was  lots  of  use  writing  it,  and  besides  that  our 
plan  gives  you  plenty  of  practice  in  writing 
and  that's  a  good  thing  to  have.  And  then 
you  know  if  people  always  wrote  things  and 


98  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

said  nothing  there'd  never  be  any  fighting 
afterwards  about  what  they  said.  I  think 
after  all  it  would  be  better  to  write  everything 
and  not  say  a  word — like  a  dumb-waiter." 

This  was  only  half  clear  to  Jimmieboy. 
He  knew  a  dumb-waiter  couldn't  say  any- 
thing, but  he  never  had  heard  before  that 
it  wrote,  but  he  was  afraid  that  Reddy  was 
trying  to  get  up  some  big  joke  at  his  expense, 
so  he  kept  very  still. 

''You  don't  seem  to -have  much, to  say," 
said  Reddy  after  a  while,  noticing  Jimmieboy's 
silence. 

"  No,"    returned   Jimmieboy.       "I    haven't 
any  pen  and  ink  to  say  it  with,"  and  then  see- 
ing that  Reddy  felt  a  little  hurt  he  added  :— 
"did  you  ever  wite  a  book  of  jokes?" 

"  Yes — once,"  said  the  Red  Tiddledywink 
sadly,  "  and  I  nearly  got  arrested  for  it,  and 
the  Snappers  all  said  if  I  ever  wrote  another 
they  wouldn't  let  me  stay  a  Tiddledywink  any 
more — so  I  never  did  it  again." 

"  Why  were  they  so  queer  about  it  ? " 
asked  Jimmieboy.  "  I  should  fink  they'd 
yike  to  have  you  wite  jokes." 

"  Oh,  they  do — but  they  get  too  much  of  'em 


JIMMIES O  Y  AND  REDD  Y  DRI VE  TO  THE  ZOO.  99 

when  they  come  by  the  bookful.  The  way  I 
nearly  got  arrested,  you  know,  was  through 
an  old  Blue  Snapper  from  another  basket 
getting  hold  of  the  book  and  laughing  him- 
self to  death.  They  said  I  was  responsible, 
I  but  got  off  by  saying  the  Snapper  killed 
himself.  I  didn't  give  him  the  book — he  took 
it  himself." 

"  Of  course  it  was  his  own  fault,"  said  Jim- 
mieboy. 

"  Of  course,"  said  Reddy,  "but  the  Snap- 
pers in  our  basket  said  I'd  better  not  do  any 
more  anyhow,  because  it  kept  them  too  busy 
sewing  buttons  on  the  other  Tiddledywinks 
vests — they  all  laughed  till  their  buttons  came 
off ;  and  Greeney,  he  nearly  broke  his  arm 
over  my  joke  about  the  poorest  way  to  get 
rid  of  the  measles  being  to  give  'em  to  some- 
body else.  He  thought  of  that  one  day  while 
he  was  out  rowing  on  his  bicycle  and  he 
laughed  so  he  fell  off  and  hurt  his  arm 
awfully." 

"  That  was  too  bad,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "  I 
guess  it's  just  as  well  that  you've  stopped 
witing  books  of  jokes.  It's  wavver  ser'us 
business  the  way  it  happened." 


IOO 


TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 


"  Very  ser'us,"  assented  the  Red  Tiddledy- 
wink.  "  But  here  we  are  at  the  Zoo.  Will 
you  get  out  and  see  it  or  shall  we  have  the 
animals  out  to  see  you  ?" 

"  I  guess  I'll  have  'em  come  out  here,'' 
said  Jimmieboy,  pleased  with  the  novelty  of 
having  the  Zoo  come  to  see  him. 

"I'm  afraid,"  said  the  Red  Tiddledywink 
with  a  smile,  "  that  you'll  have  to  guess  again 
—because  that  isn't  the  right  answer." 

And  so  Jimmieboy  got  out  of -the  barrow 
and  he  and  the  Red  Tiddledywink  started  to 
enter  the  Zoo. 

"  You  may  run  away  now,"  said  Reddy  to 
the  pony,  as  the  door  opened — which  to  Jim- 
mieboy seemed  a  very  strange  thing  to  say  to 
a  pony. 


IWjj-o  »>  t  nj  a 
y    connect 
that    iustitution 
following 

JaH 


X. 


THE  NIGHTMARE. 

AND  such  animals  as  that  Zoo  contained  ! 
There  for  instan-ce  was  the  Nightmare.  Jim- 
mieboy  had  frequently  heard  his  papa  speak 
of  the  Nightmare,  but  until  he  entered  the 
Tiddledywink-land  Zoo  he  had  never  seen  one. 
Now  it  stood  before  him  in  a  great  big  box-stall, 
large  enough,  it  seemed  to  Jimmieboy,  to  hold 
all  the  horses  in  his  nursery,  with  room  to 
spare.  It  wasn't  a  bad  looking  animal,  either, 
Jimmieboy  thought — not  half  so  bad  tas  he  had 
supposed  it  would  be  after  hearing  his  papa 
describe  it — indeed  as  Jimmieboy's  papa  told 
about  it  the  Nightmare  was  an  animal  to 
be  feared,  while  here  in  the  Zoo  he  seemed 


102  ;  T1DDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

»»'  »j~*  *«*•     t  t  fc  t  J  SV1\      v* 

as  gentle  as  a  lamb  and  as  playful  as  a 
kitten. 

"  That's  a  fine  specimen  of  a  Nightmare," 
said  the  Red  Tiddledywink,  proudly.  "In 
fact  I  heard  his  keeper  say  he  was  the  finest 
he  ever  saw.  The  only  trouble  with  him  is 
that  he  eats  so  much  and  he'll  never  eat  any- 
thing a  second  time,  not  even  strawberry  short- 
cake. They  gave  him  some  of  that  one  day 
and  he  ate  up  forty-seven  pieces  of  it  and 
wanted  more.  He  seemed  to  like  it  so  much 
that  they  made  a  hundred  and  seventeen 
rousing  big  ones  for  him  the  next  day,  but 
he  wouldn't  touch  'em.  Simply  turned  his 
head  away  and  cried." 

"  What  did  they  do  then  ?  "  asked  Jimmie- 
boy  ;  it  seemed  so  strange  that  anything  could 
ever  refuse  strawberry  short-cake. 

"  They  brought  him  ten  barrels  of  whipped 
cream  and  he  smiled  like  you  do  on  Christ- 
mas morning,"  returned  Redcly,  "and  in  five 
minutes  there  wasn't  a  spoonful  left,  but 
ever  since  then  he  has  refused  to  touch  it. 
He  is  hungry  for  new  things  all  the  time. 
He'll  eat  anything,  it  doesn't  matter  what, 
once,  and  all  there  is  of  it,  too,  and  then 


THE  NIGHTMARE.  103 

he's    had   enough.      Never  wants    to    see    it 


again. 


"He  doesn't  seem  to  have  any  shoes  on," 
said  Jimmieboy,  taking  a  closer  look  at  the 
animal. 

"  Oh,  no.  A  Nightmare  only  wears  slip- 
pers when  he  wears  anything.  That's  so 
he  can  move  about  without  waking  people," 
explained  the  Red  Tiddledywink.  "  If  he 
waked  people,  you  know,  he  couldn't  work, 
because  the  minute  a  man  or  a  Tiddledywink 
wakes  up,  for  some  reason  or  other,  he  doesn't 
like  the  Nightmare,  and  won't  have  anything 
more  to  do  with  him.  So  he  usually  goes 
"ibout  on  tip-toes." 

Here  the  Nightmare  gave  an  exhibition  of 
how  he  went  about  on  tip-toes,  which  must 
have  pleased  Jimmieboy  very  much,  for  he 
fairly  roared  with  laughter. 

"  Dear  me,"  cried  the  Red  Tiddledywink. 
"  You  must  be  more  careful.  Don't  laugh  at 
the  Nightmare.  That  makes  him  shy." 

"  Well,  what  of  it?"  said  Jimmieboy,  reck- 
lessly. "  What  happens  when  he's  shy?" 

"  He  always  calls  for  soda-water  then,  and 
we  can't  get  it  here,"  replied  the  Red  Tiddle- 


104  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

dywink,  with  an  anxious  glance  at  the  Night- 
mare. 

"  And  if  he  doesn't  get  it,  what  then  ? " 
asked  Jimmieboy. 

"  He  usually  sends  in  his  resignation  from 
the  Zoo,"  returned  the  Red  Tiddledywink. 
"  And  when  that  happens  the  managers  are 
put  to  enormous  expense  getting  him  to 
change  his  mind  and  stay  a  little  while  longer. 
And  then  sometimes  if  he's  feeling  cross  any- 
how, and  sees  people  laughing  at  him,  he'll 
refuse  to  eat  anything  for  a  week." 

"  I  should  fink  that  would  make  it  cheaper 
to  keep  him,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"  Not  at  all,"  replied  Reddy.  "You  see 
when  he  goes  without  anything  to  eat  for  a 
week,  he  is  always  extra  hungry  for  the  next 
six  months." 

"Well,"  put  in  Jimmieboy,  "he  looks  so 
funny  walking  on  tipsy-toes,  I  can't  help 
laughing,  and  if  my  doing  it  is  going  to  bwing 
about  all  those  dvveadful  rings,  perhaps  we'd 
better  look  at  somefing  else  that  don't  mind 
being  laughed  at." 

"  That's  a  good  idea,"  said  Reddy.  "  Sup- 
pose we  go  and  see  the  Welsh  Rabbits? 


THE  NIGHTMARE.  105 

Generally  people  see  the  Welsh  Rabbits  before 
they  see  the  Nightmare,  but  we'll  do  it  differ- 
ently. Did  you  ever  see  a  Welsh  Rabbit  ?  " 

"  No,  I  don't  fink  I  ever  did,"  said  Jimmie- 
boy.  "  What  do  they  look  yike  ?  " 

"They're  very  pretty,"  returned  Reddy, 
"  and  I  heard  a  man  say  once  they  were  good 
to  eat — but  we  never  kill  'em.  They're  just 
as  good  to  look  at  I  think — all  nice  and  yel- 
low, and  soft  as  a  pussy  cat.  There  are  two 
of  'em  now  over  in  that  cage." 

"  What  funny  looking  animals  !  What  are 
they  doing  now?"  asked  Jimmieboy,  inspect- 
ing the  Welsh  Rabbits. 

"They're  asleep,"  Reddy  answered.  "They 
sleep  all  the  time.  We've  had  those  rabbits 
four  years  now  and  they've  never  waked  up. 
They  go  to  sleep  on  those  pieces  of  toast  you 
see  there  and  seem  perfectly  happy." 

"  Do  they  ever  fight  ?"  asked  Jimmieboy. 

"  Not  with  each  other,"  said  Reddy.  "  I 
heard  of  their  killing  a  man  once  but  I  never 
could  see  how  they  did  it.  They're  the  best 
behaved  animals  in  the  Zoo.  They're  very 
good  unless  they  get  cold,  and  then  they  are 
fearful." 


io6  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  I  s'pose  it's  to  keep  warm  that  they 
yike  to  go  to  sleep  on  the  toast,"  suggested 
Jimmieboy. 

"  Yes — that's  it,"  replied  Reddy.  "  But 
sometimes  you  know  even  toast  is  cold  and 
that  makes  the  Rabbits  suffer  and  get  dis- 
agreeable." 

"  I  don't  s'pose,"  said  Jimmieboy,  gazing 
intently  at  the  Rabbits,  "that  they're  good 
for  much  except  for  looking  at  and  eating." 

"  No,"  returned  Reddy.  "  I  don't  suppose 
they  are  — though  I  did  hear  of  a  man  who 
said  they'd  make  good  boots.  They  might, 
too,  but  I  don't  think  the  boots  would  last 
very  long." 

"  No,  I  don't  fink  so  either,"  said  Jimmie- 
boy.  "  And  besides  people  don't  care  to  wear 
boots  of  that  color.  Do  they  eat  anyfing?" 

"  Very  little — we  don't  ever  give  'em  any- 
thing but  poached  eggs  and  they  are  always 
left  untouched.  The  chief  trouble  we  have 
with  the  Rabbits  is  keeping  'em  warm.  We 
give  'em  an  overcoat  of  mustard  in  winter  and 
generally  that  does  very  well." 

"  I'd  yike  my  papa  to  see  one  of  'em,"  said 
Jimmieboy.  "  I  fink  he'd  yike  'em." 


THE  NIGHTMARE.  107 

••  i  know  he  would,"  returned  Reddy. 
"  That's  a  way  papas  have — why  I  knew  a 
a  little  boy  whose  papa  would  rather  have  a 
Welsh  Rabbit  than  a  stuffed  owl  or  a  team  of 
saw-horses." 

"  What's  the  use  of  a  stuffed  owl  and  a 
team  of  saw-horses  anyhow?"  asked  Jimmie- 
boy. 

"  Lots  of  use,"  answered  Reddy,  "  the 
stuffed  owl  won't  sing,  and  the  saw-horses 
never  run  away,  and  you  never  have  to  feed 
'em.  I  know  plenty  of  people  who  are 
always  poor  because  their  horses  eat  so  much, 
and  if  they  had  saw-horses  they  wouldn't  have 
to  pay  a  cent  for  their  food." 

"  Yes, — but  how  could  they  wide  down  town 
and  go  shopping  ?"  asked  Jimmieboy. 

"  They  could  take  a  horse-car  of  course," 
returned  Reddy.  "  I'm  surprised  you  didn't 
think  of  that." 

"  Well,  I'm  not  s'prised,"  said  Jimmieboy. 
"  I'm  not  s'prised  at  anyfing  I  hear  or  see 
here  and  I  ain't  going  to  be  either — on'y  I 
don't  see  why  you  yike  a  bird  not  to  sing. 
That's  one  of  the  rings  I  yike  about  a  bird— 
his  singing." 


io8  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"Oh,  pshaw!"  retorted  Reddy.  "You're  a 
very  queer  little  boy — or  else  you  never 
heard  the  Anirooney  bird." 

"The  what?"  asked  Jimmieboy. 

"  The  Anirooney  bird,"  replied  Redcly. 
"  He's  the  queerest  looking  bird  you  ever  saw 
in  your  life.  He  has  a  Japanese  fan  for  a 
tail.  He  curls  his  feathers  every  morning 
over  a  pipe  stem  and  parts  his  hair  in  the 
middle.  He  has  four  legs  and  two  wings  like 
other  birds,  but  he's  too  dignified  to  fly." 

"  What  does  he  do  when  he  wants  to  go 
up  a  twee — climb?"  asked  Jimmieboy. 

•'  Oh,  no  indeed,"  ejaculated  Reddy. 
"  That  would  be  more  undignified  than  flying. 
He  changes  his  mind  and  stays  below.  He 
won't  live  in  a  cage  unless  it  has  mirrors  on 
all  sides  of  it.  His  vanity  is  really  something- 
fearful  and  when  we  get  to  him  you  mustn't  let 
on  but  what  you  think  he  is  the  loveliest  bird 
you  ever  saw,  because  if  you  don't  he'll  beat  a 
tattoo  on  the  side  of  his  cage  with  all  four  of 
his  drum-sticks,  and  it  always  makes  people 
deaf  when  he  does  that." 

"  But  I  can't  tell  a  sto'y,"  said  Jimmieboy. 
"  I  can't  say  I  fink  he's  pyitty  if  I  don't." 


THE  NIGHTMARE.  109 

"  Then  there's  only  two  things  left  for  us 
to  do,"  said  the  Red  Tiddledywink.  "  Either 
you  can't  see  him  at  all  or  you  mustn't  say 
anything  while  you're  looking  at  him." 

"  I  won't  say  a  word,"  said  Jimmieboy  in  a 
whisper.  "  But  why  do  you  call  him  the  Ani- 
wooney  bird  ?  "  he  said. 

"  Because  Annie  Rooney  is  the  only  song 
he  can  sing,"  returned  the  Red  Tiddledywink, 
"  and  it's  dreadful.  He  has  a  notion,  you 
know,  that  his  voice,  which  sounds  like  a  fog- 
horn on  a  dark  night,  accompanied  by  two 
penny  whistles  and  a  banjo  with  only  one 
string,  is  the  most  beautiful  thing  in  the  world, 
and  he  sings  Annie  Rooney  with  it  all  day 
long  and  once  every  hour  during  the  night. 
Some  people  call  him  the  Hullaballoo  bird— 
but  that  was  the  name  he  had  before  they  dis- 
covered that  his  one  tune  was  really  Annie 
Rooney.  Blackey  heard  him  sing  it  once 
and  a  few  days  later  at  a  party  over  at  Miss 
Green  Tiddledywink's  he  got  up  and  read 
this  poem  on  the  bird. 

"  I've  heard  the  pretty  Puttypiper's  pipe  ; 

I've  also  heard  the  jolly  Jamble's  jamb. 
I've  heard  the  Chippercholly's  cheerful  chipe, 

The  gay  hued  Yambermumpkm's  yearning  yamb. 


i io  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

I've  heard  the  Dindin  birdy's  deafening  din  ; 

I've  listened  to  the  hooting  Hootentot — 
I've  heard  the  melancholy  Boojoo  in 

The  dead  of  night  when  sailing  in  my  yacht. 

But  never  have  I  heard  such  fearful  noise, 

As  when  the  Anirooney  bird  begins 
To  sing  the  song  that  only  he  enjoys, 

At  which  he  only  of  his  hearers  grins. 

And  'tis  my  fondest  hope  if  ever  he 

Haply  upon  my  path  in  life  appears 
There  may  be  time  before  we  meet  for  me 

To  stuff  two  bales  of  cotton  in  my  ears." 

"  My!"  ejaculated  Jimmieboy.  "He  must 
be  a  terwor." 

"  He  is,"  returned  the  Tiddledywink,  "  so 
be  careful — for  his  is  the  next  cage." 


kirn     tut 


XL 

IN  THE  ZOO. 


U 


D 


EAR,  dear  me  ! "  cried  the  Red 
Tiddledywink  in  a  tone  of  alarm,  as 
he  and  Jimmieboy  stopped  before  the  cage  of 
the  Anirooney  bird  and  saw  that  it  was 
empty.  "  He  must  have  escaped.  I  wonder 
if  the  keeper  knows  this  !  " 

"  He — he  isn't  dangewous,  is  he?"  asked 
Jimmieboy,  frightened  just  a  little  bit.  "  He 
doesn't  bite  ?" 

"  Oh  yes,  he  bites,"  returned  the  Red 
Tiddledywink,  "  but  he  wouldn't  bite  you. 
He  prefers  furniture.  He  bites  the  legs  of 
tables  and  chairs  and  if  it's  a  particularly  light 
and  pretty  chair  he'll  eat  it  all  up." 


112  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  I  am  very  glad  then,"  said  Jimmieboy, 
"that  they  don't  have  Aniwooney  birds  any- 
where but  in  Widdledywink-land,  'cause  if  we 
had  'em  up  where  we  live  my  mamma  wouldn't 
yike  it.  She  yikes  pyitty  chairs,  and  in  her 
parlor  where  nobody  ever  sits  any  more,  she 
has  fifteen  or  firty  white  ones  with  gold  on 
'em." 

"  Thirty's  twice  as  many  as  fifteen,"  said 
Reddy.  ''Can't  you  come  nearer  than  that?" 

"  No,"  replied  Jimmieboy.  "  I  on'y  know 
how  to  count  by  fifteens.  Fifteen,  firty, 
forty-two— 

"  Forty-two  !"  cried  the  Red  Tiddledywink, 
with  a  roar  of  laughter.  "  Forty-five  is  next 
to  thirty." 

"  No,"  said  Jimmieboy  firmly.      "  It  ain't— 
leastways  it  ain't  the  way  I   say  it — but  what 
are  you  going  to  do    about    the    Aniwooney 
bird?" 

"Do?  Why,  what  we  always  do  when  an 
animal  escapes  from  the  Zoo.  Wait  until 
he  comes  back  again  to  claim  the  reward," 
returned  Recldy.  "You  see  that's  the  only 
way  the  animals  and  birds  here  can  make  any 
money.  They  never  pay  the  animals  in  a 


IN  THE  ZOO.  113 

Zoo,  you  know — not  even  up  where  you  live. 
The  managers  think  if  they  give  them  plenty 
to  eat  and  a  cage  to  live  in  they  ought  to  be 
satisfied — as  they  really  ought,  because  it  costs 
a  great  deal  to  keep  a  Zoo  like  this  running. 
But  some  of  the  animals  have  expenses  the 
Zoo  people  don't  care  to  pay.  Take  the  Ani- 
rooney  bird  for  instance.  It  costs  him  seven 
or  eight  bunches  of  flowers  a  year  to  keep  his 
voice  in  tune.  Then  the  comic  Mangatoo  has 
to  buy  all  the  comic  papers  so  as  to  keep  up 
being  comic.  The  trick  Hankipank  has  to 
buy  new  tricks  and  then  the  Cockadoodle- 
don't— " 

"The  which?"  interrupted  Jimmieboy 
somewhat  puzzled. 

"  The  Cockadoodledon't,"  returned  the 
Tiddledywink.  "  He's  a  rooster  that  doesn't 
crow — he  has  to  have  money  too,  you  know,  to 
pay  a  rooster  that  does  crow  to  call  the  keeper 
when  he  wants  him.  He's  an  awfully  good 
bird,  the  Cockadoodledon't  is,"  added  Reddy. 
"  He's  generous  and  self-sacrificing.  He'll 
give  you  all  the  feathers  he  can  spare  when- 
ever you  want  'em,  and  all  our  Tiddledywink 
girls  are  very  fond  of  him.  They  sent  him  a 


114  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

Valentine  last  Valentine's  day  that  pleased 
him  very  much.  I  have  a  copy  of  it.  Shall  I 
read  it  ?  " 

"  I'd  yike  to  hear  it  very  much,"  returned 
Jimmieboy,  impressed  by  what  he  had  just 
heard.  So  Reddy  read  the  following  lines  : 

"  The  generousest  bird  alive,  in  cages,  moors,  or  heathers, 

Is  sweet  old  Cockadoodledon't,  who  gives  away  his  feathers — 

Who,  if  it  happens  that  he  has  no  feathers  to  dispose, 

Will  promise  you  that  you  can  have  the  very  first  that  grows  : 

Which,  should  it  turn  out  to  be  red  and  not  a  navy  blue  one, 

As  you  had  wished,  he'll  throw  away  and  sprout  at  once  a  new 

one. 

To  him  we  send  upon  this  day  this  short  and  loving  line 
To  ask  him  if  he'll  not  consent  to  be  our  Valentine." 

"That  was  very  nice,"  said  Jimmieboy. 
"  Did  they  have  it  pwinted  ?" 

"  Oh,  no,  indeed.  They  had  it  embroidered 
on  an  afghan  and  sent  it  to  him  with  a  bunch 
of  bananas,  of  which  he  is  very  fond,"  said 
Reddy. 

"  He  consented  to  be  their  Valentine,  I 
s'pose  ?  "  asked  Jimmieboy. 

"Well,  no,"  replied  Reddy.  "He  didn't. 
It  wasn't  because  he  was  ill-natured,  though. 
He  said  he  didn't  want  to  be  anybody's 
Valentine.  Sent  a  rhymed  answer — like  this 


IN  THE  ZOO.  115 

'  I've  just  received  your  handsome  Valentine, 
Note  your  request,  but  really  must  decline, 
Because  I  fear  if  I  were 'what  you  wish 
Some  one  would  put  a  stamp  on  me  and — swish ! 
Down  would  I  go,  dropped  in  the  morning  mail 
And  off  to  some  strange  person  straightway  sail. 
Such  is  the  fate  of  all  good  Valentines, 
And  hence  it  is  yours  truly  now  declines. 
In  short,  dear  ladies,  I  most  plainly  wont  I 
I'd  rather  stay  your  Cockadoodledon't.'  " 

"  He  must  be  a  smart  Cockadoodledon't  to 
w'ite  poetwy,"  said  Jimmieboy,  when  Reddy 
had  finished. 

"  Oh,  he  didn't  write  that — he  got  Blackey 
to  do  it  for  him,"  said  Reddy. 

lt  It  was  quite  as  good  as  the  Valentine," 
added  Jimmieboy. 

11  Yes — it  had  a  right  to  be,"  said  the  Reel 
Tiddledywink.  "  Blackey  wrote  that  too." 

"  I  don't  fink  I  quite  unnerstand,"  said 
Jimmieboy,  "about  the  animals  making 
money  the  way  you  say  they  do.  Frinstance" 
—Jimmieboy  always  said  frinstance  when  he 
meant  "  for  instance." — "  Frinstance,  up  where 
we  live,  when  we  lost  our  little  dog,  my  papa 
offered  a  reward  for  him,  but  the  dog  didn't 
get  it.  The  man  who  found  him  and  bwought 
him  back  got  it." 


n6  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  Ah,  but  don't  you  see  that  was  because  the 
little  dog  didn't  find  and  bring  himself  back," 
returned  Reddy.  "If  he  had  your  papa 
would  probably  have  given  him  the  reward 
just  as  we  do  here.  You  see  the  way  of  it  is 
this.  The  Anirooney  bird  needs  money  to 
have  his  voice  tuned  and  the  Music-Doctors 
charge  very  high  for  tuning  up  voices  like  the 
Anirooney  bird's.  The  bird  can't  earn  the 
money  because  there  isn't  anybody  that  will 
pay  him  for  anything  he  can  do.  He  wouldn't 
take  it  when  he  hadn't  any  right  to  it,  because 
that  wouldn't  be  right,  and  except  in  the 
matter  of  eating  up  table  legs  that  don't  be- 
long to  him  and  fancy  chairs  that  other  peo- 
ple own,  he's  very  honest.  So  there's  nothing 
for  him  to  do  but  get  lost  and  wait  until  they 
advertise  a  reward  for  hinl.  This  the  keepers 
will  do  probably  to-morrow,  and  if  they  offer 
enough  money  the  Anirooney  bird  will  find 
himself  at  once,  and  return  himself,  and  claim 
the  reward.  If  it  isn't  enough,  he  will  stay 
lost  until  the  keepers  offer  as  much  as  he 
needs.  That's  another  nice  thing  about  him 
too,"  Reddy  added.  "  He  never  holds  out  for 
more  than  he  needs." 


IN  THE  ZOO.  1.17 

"But  s'pose  somebody  else  finds  him?" 
asked  Jimmieboy,  very  much  interested  by  this 
novel  means  of  making  money. 

"  Nobody  ever  does,"  returned  Reddy. 
"  It's  against  the  laws  of  the  Zoo.  If  other 
people  could  find  him,  you  know,  and  get  the 
reward,  the  keepers  would  have  to  pay  for  tun- 
ing his  voice,  because  it  has  to  be  kept  in  tune. 
If  it  isn't,  the  bird  ceases  to  be  an  Anirooney 
bird." 

"And  what  does  he  become?"  asked 
Jimmieboy. 

"  A  Dumb-Crambo,"  returned  Reddy,  "and 
a  Dumb-Crambo  is  a  disgrace  to  a  respect- 
able Zoo  because  he  never  curls  his  feathers, 
whistles  Annie  Rooney  out  of  tune — he  can't 
help  it  you  know — and  won't  eat  anything 
but  the  holes  in  jumbles,  so  that  he  starves 
to  death." 

"  I  know  all  about  that,"  said  Jimmieboy, 
gleefully.  "  My  papa  bwought  a  lot  of  jum- 
bles home  one  night  for  me,  and  mamma  said 
she  didn't  fink  they  were  good  for  me,  so  papa 
said  he'd  fix  it  so  it  would  be  all  wight,  and  he 
divided  'em  up.  He  gave  me  all  the  holes 
and  ate  all  the  cakes  himself,  and  then  when  I 


1 1. 8  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

said  I  didn't  fink  that  was    fair,    he  sang  this 
little  song  to  me : 

'There's  plenty  of  food  in  a  jumble, — 

The  bigger  the  jumble  the  more. 
Nobody  can  wightfully  gwumble 
And  over  such  eating  feel  sore. 

And  so  a  division  we'll  make,  sir, 

Ere  taking  our  usual  stwoll. 
I'll  take  all  the  edge  of  the  cake, sir, 

While  you  can  have  all  of  the  hole.' " 

"  I  guess  you'd  rather  have  had  half  instead 
of  the  hole,"  chuckled  the  Red  Tiddledywink. 

*'  Why,  that's  the  first  joke  you've  said  in  a 
long  time,"  said  Jimmieboy  with  a  laugh. 
"  You  must  have  forgotten  yourself." 

"  I  do  that  sometimes,"  said  Reddy.  "  But 
I  never  forget  myself  on  a  railroad  train  and 
leave  myself  behind." 

"You  might  get  up  a  widdle  on  that,"  sug- 
gested Jimmieboy.  'What's  the  diff'ence 
between  me  and  an  umbwella?'  'I  never 
leave  myself  on  a  wailwoad  wain." 

"That's  only  half  good,"  said  Reddy,  "be- 
cause there  are  so  many  answers  it  might  have 
besides  the  real  one,  and  that  wouldn't  be  a 
good  thing.  I  might  say  that  I  wasn't  like  an 


IN  THE  ZOO.  119 

umbrella  because  I  haven't  any  ribs ;  or  I 
might  not  be  like  an  umbrella  because  I 
haven't  any  handle  ;  or  because  I  can't  keep 
off  rain — so  you  see  it  wouldn't  do  for  a  riddle 
at  all,  because  everybody  could  give  an  answer 
without  thinking.  In  a  book  I  have  at  home 
on  'How  To  Be  Funny,'  there  is  some  very 
good  advice  about  riddles.  One  thing  it  says 
is  : 

'  A  riddle's  never  any  good — 

You  might  as  well  confess  it — 
If  of  a  great  big  multitude 
Most  anyone  can  guess  it. 

And  then  you  must  remember,  too, 

Beware  of  such  undoers  ; 
Their  answers  may  be  quite  as  true 

And  funnier  than  yours.' 

"  Don't  you  see?"  continued  Reddy,  "If 
your  riddle  has  more  than  one  answer  some- 
body else  may  have  a  better  answer  than  you 
have,  and  then  where  are  you  ?  People  will 
laugh  at  him  arid  won't  pay  any  attention  to 
you.  That  happened  to  me  at  a  party  once, 
and  I  felt  awful  about  it.  Everybody  laughed 
at  the  jokes  of  a  tin  soldier  that  was  visiting 
Bluey  and  wouldn't  listen  to  me.  He  wasn't 


120  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

so  very  funny  either  but  he  made  'em  grin.  I 
askecl  a  riddle  *  When  is  a  Scotch  Terrier  not 
a  Scotch  Terrier,'  the  answer  being  '  When  he 
is  a  Lap-Dog, '  but  the  tin  soldier,  he  got  in 
ahead  of  me  and  said  that  was  too  easy." 

"  What  was  his  answer  ?  "  asked  Jimmieboy. 

"  '  Never,'  "  said  Reddy  ruefully.  "  But  I 
got  even  with  him  afterwards,"  he  added, 
bursting  out  laughing.  "  I  got  off  a  joke  that 
same  night  about  pillows  being  cheap  because 
feathers  are  always  down — and  my,  how  he 
laughed." 

Here  Redcly  looked  a  little  sad  and  then 
added : 

il  He  laughed  so  that  he  doubled  right  up 
and  couldn't  bend  back  again  without  help,  and 
when  we  helped  him-he-snapped-right-off-in 
-the  middle!" 


XII. 

THE  TEEHEELEPHANT  BOTHERS  REDDY. 

JUST  then  there  came  to  Jimmieboy's  ears 
the  greatest  din  he  had  ever  heard,  and 
he  noticed   that  the    Red   Tiddledywink 
looked  very  much  frightened — in  fact,  he  had 
turned  pink  with  fear. 

"  What  is  the  matter?"  asked  Jimmieboy. 
"  Nuffin's  wong  I  hope." 

"  No,"  returned  the  Red  Tiddledywink,  "but 
we  want  to  get  out  of  this  as  quickly  as  we 
can,  because  the  Teeheelephant  is  coming  and 
if  he  sees  me  we  won't  get  away  for  two  hours, 
and  then  we  shall  be  late  for  the  Athletic 
Sports  and  the  Blue  Tiddledywink's  Ball." 
"  I  don't  fink  I've  ever  seen  a  Teeheele- 


122  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

phant,"  said  Jimmieboy,  relieved  to  know  that 
nothing  worse  than  delay  could  come  from 
their  being  caught.  "What  is  he  yike?" 

"  He  is  the  worst  animal  alive,"  cried  Reddy, 
tugging  at  Jimmieboy's  sleeve  to  get  him 
to  move  along  more  quickly.  "  He  was 
invented,  I  believe,  just  to  make  my  life  miser- 
able. All  he  can  do  is  to  laugh.  Indeed,  he 
lives  on  laughter  and  the  only  things  he  will 
laugh  at  are  my  jokes,  so  whenever  he  sees 
me  he  rushes  out  of  his  stall  and  grabs  me  by 
the  hand  and  keeps  me  cracking  jokes  by  the 
hour,  and  the  worst  of  it  is  he  won't  listen  to 
any  old  ones  or  jokes  I've  heard  from  others. 
They've  got  to  be  original  and  new." 

"  I  fink  I'd  yike  to  see  him,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"Very  likely,"  said  Redcly,  "  but  think  of 
me.  I  forgot  to  bring  a  basket  of  jokes  with 
me." 

"  You  give  the  Teeheelephant  a  joke,  I 
s'pose,  just  as  we  give  the  Elephant  in  our 
Zoo  a  peanut?"  queried  Jimmieboy. 

"Quite  the  same  way,"  returned  Reddy. 
"Only  we  don't  have  to  pack  it  away  in  his 
trunk  for  him — we  would  have  to  though  if  he 
had  a  trunk." 


THE  TEEHEELEPHANT  BOTHERS  REDDY.    123 

"  How  big  is  the  Teeheelephant  ?"  asked 
Jimmieboy.  ''Big  as  me?" 

"O  my,"  laughed  Reddy.  "You?  You're 
only  a  little  mite  alongside  of  the  Teeheele- 
phant. Why  the  Teeheelephant  doesn't 
look — but,  oh  dear  !  Here  he  is  !  " 

As  Reddy  spoke  Jimmieboy  heard  the  din 
repeated,  and  what  should  he  see  running  down 
the  room  toward  himself  and  his  companion 
but  a  creature  that  looked  for  all  the  world 
like  a  baby  elephant,  only  it  had  soft  white 
fur  on  its  back,  and  instead  of  the  elephant's 
trunk  it  carried  a  little  handbag  on  the  end 
of  its  nose,  below  which  was  a  smile  over 
fifteen  inches  wide. 

And,  oh,  how  it  laughed  when  it  saw  Reddy, 
and  how  miserable  Reddy  looked  as  it  grabbed 
him  by  the  hand  and  tried  to  romp  with  him  ! 

"You  see  now  why  we  call  him  the  Teeheele- 
phant," said  the  Tiddledywink,"  because  he  is 
always  tee-heeing  and  looks  like  an  elephant. 
But  he  has  a  horse  laugh — eh  Teehee  ?" 

At  this  the  Teeheelephant  looked  cross  and 
a  tear  came  into  his  eye.  It  was  evident  that 
he  thought  Reddy's  joke  old — as  it  was,  and 
jimmieboy  and  the  Teeheelephant  knew  it. 


i24  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

This  tear  was  followed  by  another  and  another 
and  then  a  dozen  more,  and  they  were  all  so 
large  that  before  Reddy  and  Jimmieboy  knew 
it  their  feet  were  soaking  wet.  This  Jimmie- 
boy remembered  was  a  bad  thing,  and  he 
nudged  Reddy  and  told  him  to  hurry  up  and 
get  off  a  new  joke,  and  make  the  Teeheele- 
phant  laugh  or  they'd  all  be  drowned. 
Then,  hoping  to  comfort  the  poor  animal  until 
Reddy  should  begin,  Jimmieboy  reached  out 
his  hand  and  patted  him  on  his  head — and  it 
was  a  lovely  soft  head  Jimmieboy  thought; 
just  like  a  kitten's,  and  he  was  glad,  in  spite  of 
all,  that  he  had  seen  the  Teeheelephant,  which 
he  thought  about  the  nicest  animal  in  all  the 
Zoo. 

"  What  is  it  a  man  can  stand  on  and  yet  not 
be  any  taller?"  Reddy  ventured  at  last. 

The  Teeheelephant  dried  his  tears  with  a 
small  sponge  that  he  carried  in  his  hand-bag 
and  looked  as  if  he'd  like  to  know. 

"I  don't  know — what?"   asked  Jimmieboy. 

"  His  head,  of  course,"  replied  Reddy. 

This  seemed  very  pleasing  to  the  Teeheele- 
phant who  made  the  building  echo  with  his 
shouts  of  laughter,  and  then,  when  he  had 


THE  TEEHEELEPHANT  BOTHERS  REDDY.    125 

finished,  he  looked  mournfully  at  Reddy,  as 
much  as  to  say,  "  I  want  another  "-—just  as  the 
elephant  does  when  he  has  eaten  a  whole  pea- 
nut and  thinks  he'd  like  a  million  or  two 
more. 

As  for  Jimmieboy,  he  was  just  a  little 
frightened  by  the  antics  of  the  Teeheelephant, 
because,  while  that  wonderful  creature  was 
undoubtedly  a  good  natured  animal,  and  as 
soft  as  a  kitten,  he  was  five  or  six  times  as 
big  as  either  Jimmieboy  or  the  Tiddledy- 
wink,  and  Jimmieboy  was  a  little  afraid  he 
might  step  on  him.  So  he  climbed  upon  a 
platform  at  one  side  of  the  room,  on  which 
was  sitting  a  solemn  looking  bird  which  he 
afterwards  learned  was  the  comic  Mangatoo 
—the  one  that  had  to  have  the  comic  papers 
every  day  to  keep  him  from  starving. 

"What  are  you  doing  here?"  the  Manga- 
too asked  with  a  frown. 

"  I  came  up  here  to  get  out  of  the  Teeheele- 
phant's  way.  I'm  a  little  bit  afwaid  of  him," 
said  Jimmieboy.  "  I  hope  I'm  not  in  your 
way." 

"  You  are,"  returned  the  Mangatoo,  with  a 
voice  way  down  in  his  boots.  "  And  if  you 


126  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

don't  get  out  of  my  way  right  off,  I'll  make 
you  stay  where  you  are  until  you  are  ready  to 
leave." 

"That's  what  I  want  to  do,"  said  Jimmie- 
boy,  rather  amused  at  this  melancholy  and 
gruff  old  bird. 

"  Well  mind,  I  warned  you,  and  later,  when 
I  say  I  told  you  so,  don't  deny  it.  Do  you 
know  who  I  am  ?" 

"  You  are  the  comic  Mangatoo." 

"  True,"  said  the  Mangatoo  wearily. 
"  And  do  you  know  what  a  Mangatoo  is?" 

"  No,"  returned  Jimmieboy.     "  What  ?" 

"  He  is  a  Mangatoo,  of  course.  Are  all 
little  boys  as  dull  as  you  are  ?  "  he  added. 

"  I  am  not  dull,"  replied  Jimmieboy,  indig- 
nantly. 

"  I  never  said  I  was,"  said  the  Mangatoo, 
turning  sadly  to  his  papers.  After  he  had 
read  these  for  a  few  moments,  during  which 
time  Reddy  was  telling  jokes  to  the  roaring 
Teeheelephant,  he  turned  once  more  to  Jim- 
mieboy and  said  "  Aren't  you  afraid  of 
me  ?" 

"  No,"  returned  Jimmieboy.      "  Not  a  bit." 

"  Well,  don't    you  tell  anybody,"  returned 


THE  TEEHEELEPHANT  BOTHERS  REDDY.    127 

the  Mangatoo  in  a  whisper.  "  It's  a  secret, 
but — neither — am — I." 

Then  he  winked  his  eyes  knowingly  at  Jim- 
mieboy  as  much  as  to  say,  "  I  like  you  pretty 
well  after  all." 

"  Are  any  of  the  other  animals  and  birds 
here  afwaid  of  themselves?"  asked  Jimmie- 
boy.  It  had  never  occurred  to  him  up  in  his 
own  country  that  a  lion,  for  instance,  could  be 
afraid  of  himself. 

"  All  of  'em,"  said  the  Mangatoo.  "  They 
are  all  afraid  to  be  left  alone  with  themselves 
—  all  but  me,  and  I  am  too." 

"  That's  queer.  I  don't  see  how  you  can 
say  'all  but  me'  and  then  say  *  me  too/  ' 

"  I  mean,"  said  the  Mangatoo,  "  that  I  am 
and  I  ain't.  Ever  been  that  way  ?  Sort  of 
can't-  make-up-  your-mind-whether-  you-  are-or- 
not  ?  That's  my  case.  I  don't  mind  being  left 
alone  with  myself,  but  when  somebody  else  is 
left  alone  by  myself  it  makes  me  nervous." 

"What  do  you  do  then  ?"  queried  Jimmie- 
boy.  He  thought  the  Mangatoo  a  very  com- 
ical bird. 

"  Oh,  I've  a  great  scheme,  then,"  said'  the 
Mangatoo,  "  I  stay  just  as  I  am  until  I 


128  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

change,  and  then  I'm  all  right.  Reddy  is 
making  signs  to  you,"  he  added. 

Jimmieboy  ran  down  from  the  platform  to 
see  what  Reddy  wanted. 

11  You  run  along,"  said  the  Tiddledywink. 
"  I'm  in  for  two  hours  of  this.  The  Teeheele- 
phant  won't  let  me  off,  and  if  you  don't  go 
now  you'll  miss  the  Athletic  Sports." 

"  I  say,"  said  Jimmieboy  to  the  Teeheele- 
phant.  "  Let  him  off,  won't  you  ?" 

11  Couldn't  possibly  do  it,"  said  the  Tee- 
heelephant,  beginning  to  grow  tearful  again. 
''  I  haven't  seen  him  now  for  four  weeks,  and 
I  intend  to  keep  him  the  regular  time,  which 
is  two  hours." 

"  But  I  want  him  to  take  me  to  the  Affletic 
Sports,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"Yes,  Teehee,"  put  in  Reddy.  "  Let  up 
on  a  fellow — won't  you  ?  Jimmieboy  has 
never  been  here  before  and  maybe  he  won't 
come  again  ;  and  we  got  up  these  sports 
especially  for  his  benefit." 

"  I'm  not  keeping  him,"  returned  the  Tee- 
heelephant — a  little  indignantly.  "  He  can 
go  just  as  soon  as  he  pleases.  He  doesn't 
help  me  a  bit — in  fact  I'd  rather  he  did  go, 


THE  TEEHEELEPHANT  BOTHERS  REDDY.    129 

because  he  laughed  at  one  of  your  jokes  a 
minute  ago  and  I  am  too  hungry  to  divide 
any  more  of  'em  with  him." 

"  But  he  can't  go  without  me — and  you 
see,"  said  Reddy,  "  if  he  stays  he'll  get  his 
share  of  the  fun." 

"  That's  all  right,"  said  the  Teeheelephant, 
stamping  his  foot.  "  I  know  how  to  fix  that. 
If  he  gets  half  the  fun  then  we've  got  to  have 
just  twice  as  much  fun,  which  will  detain  you 
here  four  hours  instead  of  two." 

Reddy  was  in  despair,  but  Jimmieboy  had  a 
scheme. 

"  I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do,"  he  said.  "  If 
you'll  let  Weddy  off  I'll  get  my  papa  to  send 
you  every  joke  book  and  paper  he  can — and 
every  week." 

Here  if  Jimmieboy  had  been  looking  he 
would  have  seen  the  Mangatoo  cock  his  head 
to  one  side  and  seem  interested. 

11  No,  no,  no,  no!"  cried  the  Teeheele- 
phant. "He  can't  go.  He  can't  go.  He  can't 


go. 


'  Say  it  again,"  cried  the   Mangatoo  with  a 
shrill  laugh. 

The    Teeheelephant    paid   no   attention   to 


130  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

this  sally,  and  Reddy,  with  a  sad  hopeless 
look  on  his  face,  began  a  string  of  equally  sad, 
hopeless  jokes — but  they  pleased  the  Teehe- 
elephant. 

"  I'll  wait  for  you,  Weddy,"  said  Jimmieboy, 
climbing  back  to  the  Mangatoo's  side.  "  I 
don't  care  much  for  the  sports  anyhow." 

This  wasn't  exactly  true,  but  Jimmieboy 
wanted  to  make  Reddy  feel  easier,  for  he  was 
very,  very  sorry  for  him. 

"Ahem  !"  said  the  Mangatoo,  coming  close 
to  Jimmieboy  and  tickling  his  nose  with  one 
of  his  feathers.  "  Did  I  hear  you  say  some- 
thing about  your  papa  sending  joke  books 
and  comic  papers  and  such  like  down  here  ?  " 

"Yes,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "I  offered  that 
to  the  Teeheelephant  if  he'd  let  Weddy  go- 
but  he  wouldn't." 

"  Would  you  let  strawberry  short-cake  go  if 
you  had  it?"  asked  the  Mangatoo. 

"  No,  I  wouldn't,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"  Well,  jokes  are  the  Teeheelephant's  straw- 
berry short-cake  just  as  comic  papers  are 
mine.  You  couldn't  send  some  of  those  papers 
to  me  if  I — if — er — ah — if  I— 

"  If  you  what  ?"  asked  Jimmieboy. 


THE  TEEHEELEPHANT  BOTHERS  REDDY.    131 

"If  I  helped  Reddy  out  of  his  scrape?" 
said  the  Mangatoo. 

"Well,  wouldn't  I  just?"  cried  Jimmieboy. 
"  I'll  send  heaps  of  'em." 

"  Very  well  then.  I'll  do  it,"  said  the  Man- 
gatoo. "  I  believe  in  you  because  I  think 
you  tell  the  truth.  When  I  asked  you  if 
you  knew  what  I  was  you  didn't  tell  stories 
and  say  you  didn't ;  and  then  you  weren't 
afraid  of  me,  and  altogether  I  like  you  and  I 
believe  you  will  do  what  you  say.  Now  you 
go  down  to  Reddy  and  tell  him  to  tell  the 
Teeheelephant  the  rhyme  Blackey  wrote 
about  the  Hoodoo  down  by  the  sea.  That 
always  makes  the  Teeheelephant  fall  over  on 
his  back  with  laughter,  although  it  isn't  partic- 
ularly funny,  and  when  he  falls  on  his  back 
he  can't  get  up  without  assistance.  Then 
you  and  Reddy  can  run." 

"Oh,  fank  you,"  cried  Jimmieboy,  jump- 
ing down  and  running  to  the  Tidclledywink's 
side.  "Tell  him  Blackey's  Hoodoo  verse," 
he  whispered. 

"What's  the  good!"  said  Reddy.  "He's 
heard  it  once  and  won't  care  for  it,  and  then 
he'll  cry  and  we'll  get  soaked  again.' 


132  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

11  Do  as  I  tell  you,"  said  Jimmieboy  earn- 
estly and  so  Reddy  began— 

"  The  Hoodoo  sat  down  by  the  sea," 

"Ha,  ha,  ha,  ha!"  laughed  the  Teeheele- 
phant. 

"And  my  how  he  did  grin,"  continued 
Reddy. 

"Ho,  ho,  ho,  ho!"  roared  the  Teeheele- 
phant,  waving  his  hand-bag  with  glee. 

"To  see  the  scrumptious  blue  Squeegee," 
resumed  Reddy. 

"  Oh  my  !  Oh  dear.  Oho  !  "  laughed  the 
unsuspecting  Teeheelephant,  lying  down  on 
his  side  in  sheer  weariness  of  mirth,  but  not 
noticing  that  the  Mangatoo  also  was  nearly 
exploding  with  laughter. 

"  Trip  up  and  tumble  in,"  finished  Reddy 
surprised  at  the  effect  of  the  verse. 

"  Oho,  ho,  ho,  ha,  ha,  ha !  "  shrieked  the  Tee- 
heelephant, rolling  over  on  his  back  and  kick- 
ing his  legs  in  the  air  just  as  the  Mangatoo 
said  he  would.  "That's  too  good,  too  good." 

"  Now  wun  for  your  life,"  cried  Jimmieboy. 
"  He  can't  get  up  wivout  help  and  we  shall 
see  the  Affletic  Sports  after  all." 

Reddy  needed  no   second  bidding    and    in 


THE  TEEHEELEPHANT  BOTHERS  REDDY.    133 

less  time  than  it  takes  to  tell  it  he  and  Jim- 
mieboy  had  reached  the  door  and  were  out  in 
the  open  air. 

And  as  the  door  closed  behind  them  Jim- 
mieboy  heard  the  Mangatop's  voice  crying, 
"  Don't  forget  the  pa-a-a-a-per-r-rs,"  and  then 
there  was  a  splash  of  water  against  the  sill. 

The  Teeheelephant  had  stopped  laughing, 
and  realizing  the  trick  that  had  been  played 
upon  him  had  begun  to  cry. 

"  I  fink,"  said  Jimmieboy  to  one  of  the 
keepers  who  came  up  at  that  moment,  "  I 
fink  you  would  better  look  out -for  the  Tee- 
heelephant inside  there.  He  is  cwying  very 
hard  and  the  west  of  the  animals  may  get 
dwownded." 


XIII. 

IN  THE  ROASTED  PEANUT  TREE. 


\\I  H  °~  told~~  y°u—  n°w—  to—  do—  it  ?" 
VV  panted  the  Red  Tiddledywink,  after 
he  and  Jimmieboy  had  run  about  a  mile  —  it 
was  a  Tiddledywink  mile  though,  and  not 
nearly  as  long  as  the  one  from  Jimmieboy's 
house  to  the  railway  station  that  his  papa  had 
to  run  after  breakfast,  every  morning,  in  order 
to  catch  the  train  that  took  him  down  to  town 
to  earn  gumdrops  for  Jimmieboy. 

"  W-w-wait  till  I  c-c-can  c-c-catch  my 
bweaf,"  said  Jimmieboy  as  well  as  he  could, 
considering  that  he  was  all  out  of  breath  and 
still  running. 

"  Catch    your  breath  ?  "  returned  the  Red 


IN  THE  ROASTED  PEANUT  TREE.         135 

Tiddledywink,  with  a  twinkle  in  his  eye — "  I 
giress  you  mean  until  your  breath  catches 
you,  don't  you?  It  seems  to  me  you've  run 
away  from  it." 

"  Shouldn't  be  s'prised  if  I  did,"  smiled  Jim- 
mieboy,  still  panting.  "  Perhaps  I  left  it 
back  there  in  the  Zoo  where  the  Teeheele- 
phant  was.  You  don't  want  to  go  back  there 
and  get  it  for  me,  do  you  ?  " 

The  Tiddledywink  shuddered  at  the  bare 
idea. 

"  No  indeed,"  he  gasped.  "  I  don't  ever 
want  to  go  back  to  the  Zoo  again,  because  if 
I  did,  and  the  Teeheelephant  got  hold  of  me, 
I  don't  think  he'd  ever  let  me  go  because  of 
the  trick  we  played  on  him." 

"No,"  Jimmieboy  said,  sitting  down  on  a 
stump  at  the  side  of  the  road.  "  No,  I  don't 
beyeve  he  ever  would,  and  I  s'pose  he  is 
pyitty  mad  at  you  by  this  time,  eh  ?" 

"  I  don't  know  — we  can  always  tell  when 
the  Teeheelephant  is  mad  by  the  falling  of 
the  chimneys  in  the  Zoo  building.  They 
never  seem  able  to  stand  up  when  Teehee 
loses 'his  temper,"  said  Reddy  with  an  anxious 
glance  back  at  the  Teeheelephant's  home  in 


136  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

the  distance.       "  I  haven't  heard  'em  fall  yet, 
have  you  ?  " 

Just  then  there  was  a  terrible  crash  and 
Jimmieboy  looked  back  just  in  time  to  see  the 
chimneys  go  down  as  Reddy  had  said. 

"  How  does  he  do  that?"  Jimmieboy  ejacu- 
lated in  terror. 

"  He  jumps  up  and  down  on  the  floor  until 
he  shakes  'em  down,"  answered  the  Tiddledy- 
wink.  "  It's  an  awful  bad  trick,  too — isn't 
it?" 

"  I  should  say  so,"  returned  Jimmieboy. 
"  But  why  don't  they  stop  him  ?" 

"  They  can't  do  it.  He's  awful  strong,  and 
then  besides  the  law  can't  prevent  an  animal 
from  getting  mad,  you  know,"  said  Reddy. 

"  Who  has  to  pay  for  putting  the  chimneys 
up  again?"  asked  Jimmieboy.  "The  Tee- 
heelephant  or  the  Zoo  people  ?" 

"  Neither,"  returned  the  Tiddledywink. 
"  It's  paid  for  by  the  man  who  puts  'em  up." 

"  I  shouldn't  fink  he'd  yike  that,"  said  Jim- 
mieboy, after  a  moment's  reflection. 

"He  doesn't,"  said  Reddy,  "  but  he  has  to  do 
it  because  when  he  was  building  them  the 
first  time  he  said  they  would  stand  forever, 


IN  THE  ROASTED  PEANUT  TREE.          137 

and  of  course  when  they  fall  down  he  has  to 
pay  because  they  don't  stand  forever." 

"Seems  to  me,"  said  Jimmieboy,  "that  the 
man  who  doesn't  say  anyfing  now  days  is  a 
pyitty  smart  man." 

"  He  is  if  he  isn't  a  stupid  one,"  returned 
Reddy  wisely,  "but  who  told  you  how  to  get 
around  the  Teeheelephant  ?  " 

"The  Mangatoo — the  comic  paper  bird," 
said  Jimmieboy. 

"I  don't  believe  it,"  retorted  Reddy.  "The 
Mangatoo  never  did  a  useful  thing  in  his 
life.  You  never  can  get  him  to  work  at 
anything  unless  it's  all  done  before  he  be- 
gins." 

"  But  he  did — he  told  me  just  how  we 
could  get  away,  and  I  told  you,  and  we  got 
away,"  returned  Jimmieboy  a  little  indignantly, 
because  the  Mangatoo  had  done  him  and 
Reddy — and  particularly  Reddy — a  good  turn 
and  he  thought  it  very  ungrateful  of  Reddy  to 
speak  as  he  did. 

"Well,  we'll  have  to  see  Blackey  then,  and 
get  him  to  change  his  poem  about  the  Manga- 
too," said  Reddy.  "  Because  it  isn't  a  bit 
complimentary.  It  says  the  Mangatoo  is  a 


138  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

very  useless  sort  of  bird — which  isn't  so  if  he 
helped  us  out  of  our  fix." 

"  What  did  Blackey  say  in  his  poem  ? " 
asked  Jimmieboy. 

"  Oh  it's  a  very  long  one,"  returned  Reddy, 
''but  if  you'd  like  to  hear  it  we  can  sit  down 
here  and  I'll  recite  it  to  you." 

"  Lets,"  was  all  Jimmieboy  could  find 
breath  to  say,  for  they  had  been  running 
again,  although  Jimmieboy  did  not  know 
exactly  when  they  had  left  the  stump  ;  and 
then  they  both  threw  themselves  down  on  a 
bank  of  lilac  colored  moss  near  a  clump  of 
trees  and  Reddy  began. 

THE  USELESS  MANGATOO. 

One  day  I  had  some  chores  to  do, 

The  work  was  rather  hard  : 
To  pull  the  weeds  that  rankly  grew 

Out  in  our  small  backyard — 
The  weeds  were  pink  and  green  and  blue 

The  lawn  was  sadly  marred  ; 

The  parlor  floor  I  wished  to  clean, 

The  bric-a-brac  to  dust, 
The  chairs  were  not  fit  to  be  seen, 

The  fenders  thick  with  rust — 
It  really  made  me  feel  too  mean 

To  hear  their  state  discussed. 


IN  THE  ROASTED  PEANUT  TREE.          139 

The  beds  upstairs  had  not  been  made, 

The  cows  had  not  been  fed — • 
The  sheep  had  from  their  pasture  strayed, 

The  rain  leaked  in  the  shed, 
And  for  a  time  I  was  afraid 

I'd  have  to  bake  some  bread. 

"  How  shall  I  get  this  work  all  done  ?  " 

I  asked  a  cherished  friend- 
He  was  the  very  wisest  one 

To  whom  I  then  could  send. 
"  I  see  no  method  'neath  the  sun 

All  of  these  things  to  mend." 

Said  he,"  Go  seek  the  Mangatoo, 

That  aged  comic  bird. 
He's  always  seeking  work  to  do, 

And  then  I've  often  heard 
It  really  is  delightful  to 

List  to  his  talk  absurd." 

And  so  I  sought  this  feathered  thing 

And  asked  him  if  he  would 
Come  help  me  in  the  straightening 

Of  household  and  of  good. 
He  answered,  as  he  flapped  his  wing, 

He'd  come  down  if  he  could. 

Said  I,"  I  want  my  backyard  clear 

Of  mullen  stalks  and  docks," 
Said  he,"  I'm  rather  clever,  dear, 

At  winding  eight  day  clocks, 
Or  if  you  haven't  any  here 

At  painting  signs  on  rocks." 


140  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

Said  I,"  I  want  my  parlor  swept 
My  fenders  polished  bright ; 

The  sheep  within  their  pasture  kept, 
The  cows  all  milked  at  night. 

Would  you  these  duties  all  accept  ?  " 
Said  he,"  Perhaps  I  might." 

"  Well,  can't  you  say  with  certainty  ?  " 

I  cried — he'd  made  me  mad 

By  calmly  blinking  there  at  me- 

His  eyes  both  big  and  sad. 

"You'd  better  do  so  instantly  ! " 
Said  he,"  Perhaps  I  had." 

He  seemed  to  think  a  moment  then, 

And  shortly  thus  did  speak : 
"  You  want  to  have  me  come  just  when  ? 

"  At  once,"  said  I  in  Greek. 
"  All  right,"  said  he  and  blinked  again 

"  I'll  be  around  next  week." 

From  which  I  gather  that  this  bird 
Of  which  I've  sung  to  you, 

Is  useless  as  he  is  absurd 
When  there  is  work  to  do — 

And  when  there  isn't,  mark  my  word, 
He's  just  as  bad  then  too. 


"So  you  see,"  said  Reddy,  "the  general 
idea  of  the  Mangatoo  is  that  he  couldn't  earn 
his  salt  in  a  salt  mine.  But  this  makes  things 
look  different.  You  have  ^ot  him  to  do 


IN  THE  ROASTED  PEANUT  TREE.          141 

something  for  somebody  and  I  think  Blackey 
ought  to  write— 

Reddy  never  finished  this  sentence,  for  just 
then  Jimmieboy  jumped  up  with  a  hurrah,  for 
he  had  heard  strains  of  the  most  beautiful 
"  moobic "  in  the  distance — and  there  was 
nothing  in  the  world  Jimmieboy  liked  much 
better  than  "  moobic,"  good  or  bad. 

"  What's  that  ?"  he  cried  excitedly,  grabbing 
Reddy  by  the  hand  and  peering  off  in  the 
direction  from  which  the  sounds  came,  seeing 
nothing  however  but  a  great  cloud  of  dust. 

"  I  don't  know  what  it  is,"  said  Reddy  ner- 
vously. "  I  don't  know  whether  it's  a  procession 
of  the  Torchlighters  or  the  invited  guests  for 
the  Athletic  Sports.  If  it's  the  Torchlighters, 

we  don't  want  to  be  caught  here   I   can  tell 

>> 
you. 

"Why  not?"  asked  Jimmieboy.  "They 
don't  hurt  you,  do  they  ?  " 

"Oh,  don't  they!     Well   I  guess  they  do." 

"  How  ?  "  asked  Jimmieboy,  catching  some  of 
Redcly's  fear.  "  They  don't  hit  you  with 
sticks  and — and  tickle  you — and — and  put  pins 
in  you,  do  they  ?" 

"  No.      It's    worse'n    that,"  replied    Reddy, 


H2  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

climbing  a  roasted  peanut  tree  that  shaded 
the  spot  on  which  they  stood,  to  see  if  he 
could  get  a  better  view  of  the  approaching 
crowd,  and  so  make  out  who  they  were.  "It's 
a  great  deal  worse  than  that.  They  call  you 
names  and  ask  you  questions  and  make  fun  of 
your  answers.  They  hurt  your  feelings! 
They  called  me  a  little  Tuppenny  Tiddledy- 
wink  once,  right  before  some  people  I  wanted 
to  have  like  me,  and  I  don't  believe  those 
people  ever  forgot  it,  and  I  am  to  them  a  Tup- 
penny Tiddledywink  to  this  day." 

"That's  very  mean  of  them,"  said  Jimmie- 
boy.  "  Do  you  fink  they'd  call  me  any 
names?"  he  added  anxiously. 

"Would  they?  Well,  rather,"  returned 
Reddy.  "  They'd  call  you  a — they'd  call  you 
a — well  I  think  very  likely  they'd  call  you  a 
nice,  dear,  sweet  little  girl." 

"  Pm  not  no  such  fing"  cried  Jimmieboy 
very  angrily.  "  I'm  a  nice,  dear,  sweet  little 
boy — my  papa  says  so." 

"That  wouldn't  make  a  bit  of  difference 
with  the  Torchlighters,"  said  Reddy  with  a 
laugh.  He  Had  discovered  Jimmieboy's  sore 
point — and  he  might  have  guessed  it  before 


IN  THE  ROASTED  PEANUT  TREE.          143 

because  no  little  boy  cares  to  be  called  a  little 
girl.  "  They'd  call  you  a  nice,  dear,  sweet  little 
girl  all  the  same  and  they'd  bring  you  a  lot  of 
paper  dolls  to  play  with,  and  ask  you  if  you 
had  any  little  brothers,  and  if  you  weren't 
sorry  you  weren't  a  boy  yourself,  and  oh,  lots 
and  lots  of  mean  questions  that— 

"  Let's  wun  then,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "  I 
don't  want  to  fall  in  with  people  who  are 
going  to  take  me  for  a  little  girl." 

"  I  can't  run  another  step,"  said  Reddy 
wearily,  "  because  I'm  all  worn  out  as  it  is 
getting  away  from  the  Teeheelephant." 

"  But  what  are  you  going  to  do  ? "  cried 
Jimmieboy.  "We  can't  stay  here  and  be 
caught  ;  and  those  moobic  people  are  getting 
nearer  to  us  every  minute.  I'm  going  to 
wun." 

"Don't  do  it,"  said  Reddy,  "but  hurry  up 
and  climb  up  here  in  this  roasted  peanut  tree 
with  me.  If  it's  the  Torchlighters,  they  won't 
see  us,  and  if  it's  the  Athletic  Sport  guests,  we 
can  climb  down  and  join  'em.  Roasted 
peanuts  are  poisonous  to  Torchlighters  and 
even  if  they  did  see  us  up  here,  they  wouldn't 
dare  stop." 


144  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  All  wight,"  said  Jimmieboy,  rushing  to  the 
foot  of  the  tree.  "  Here  I  come." 

And  putting  his  arms  about  the  tree  Jimmie- 
boy began  to  climb.  It  was  wonderful  too 
how  easily  and  how  well  he  climbed.  He  was 
half  way  up  before  Reddy  knew  he  had 
started — but  then  he  stopped  suddenly  and 
cried  "  owch  !  " 

"What's  the  matter?"  called  Reddy. 

"Somefing  stinged  me,"  sobbed  Jimmieboy, 

ruefully  rubbing  his  chin  over  his  right  hand 

—he    couldn't    rub    his    hand    over    his   chin 

because  he  did  not  dare  let  go  of  the  limb  for 

fear  of  falling  back  to  the  ground. 

"  It  wasn't  a  sting,"  explained  Reddy,  reach- 
ing down  to  help  him  up.  "  I  forgot  to  tell 
you  not  to  touch  any  of  the  peanuts.  The 
peanuts  on  a  roasted  peanut  tree  are  always 
very  hot  when  they  are  just  ripe,  and  the  nuts 
on  this  tree  haven't  been  ripe  much  longer 
than  four  minutes.  So  be  very  careful." 

And  Jimmieboy  was  very  careful,  and  be- 
fore long  he  was  seated  on  a  high  part  of  the 
roasted  peanut  tree,  peering  through  the 
leaves  and  down  the  road  at  the  cloud  of 
dust,  behind  which  could  be  heard  the  "  moo- 


IN  THE  ROASTED  PEANUT  -TREE. 


I4S 


bic,"  the  tramp  of  feet,  the  rolling  of  wheels 
and  the  roar  of  laughing,  shouting,  singing, 
beings  of  some  kind  or  another,  the  two  little 
creatures  in  the  tree  did  not  know  what. 

It  was  a  very  exciting  moment  for  Jimmie- 
boy,  but  he  had  Reddy  with  him,  and  this, 
taken  together  with  the  fact  that  the  roasted 
peanuts  were  unusually  delicious  when 
plucked  fresh  from  the  tree,  and  after  they 
had  cooled  down  a  little,  made  him  feel  not 
altogether  uncomfortable  and  not  at  all 
afraid. 


"I 


XIV. 

THE  PROCESSION. 

WISH  that  cloud  would  break,"  said 
Reddy,  leaning  far  out  and  trying  once 
more  to  satisfy  himself  as  to  what  it  was  that 
lay  concealed  behind  the  dust  cloud.  "  May- 
be if  it  doesn't  break  they'll  get  by  without 
our  seeing  'em  at  all." 

"That  wouldn't  be  any  harm,  would  it?" 
asked  Jimmieboy. 

"  No — it  wouldn't  be  any  harm  if  it  were  the 
Torchlighters,  but  if  it  should  happen  to  be 
the  Athletic  Sport  people  and  we  should  miss 
'em  we  couldn't  see  the  sports,"  said  Reddy, 
with  a  worried  look  on  his  face. 

"Why  not?"  asked  Jimmieboy.     "Would 


THE  PROCESSION.  147 

they  go  off  and  have  'em  some  place  where 
we  couldn't  find  'em  ?" 

"  Oh,  no — but  they  wouldn't  let  us  in.  We 
don't  have  tickets  for  anything  here,  you 
know,"  explained  the  Tiddledywink,  tossing 
a  hot  peanut  into  the  air  to  cool  it.  "  Every- 
body goes  at  once,  and  they  let  'em  all  in  and 
then  lock  the  doors  and  won't  let  anybody  in 
after  that,  so  that  those  who  come  late  always 
have  to  stay  outside." 

"  How  do  they  get  their  money,  with  all 
these  people  going  in  at  once?"  asked  Jim- 
mieboy.  "  I  should  fink  lots  of  people  would 
get  in  fwee." 

"  They  all  do,"  returned  Reddy.  "  But 
they  have  to  pay  to  get  out." 

"  S'pose  they  don't  have  any  money, 
what  happens  then?"  queried  Jimmieboy. 
He  was  a  little  anxious  on  this  point  because 
when  he  came  to  look  in  his  button-holes  he 
found  he  hadn't  a  single  flower,  and  flowers 
he  remembered  were  the  things  with  which 
Tiddledywink  people  paid  their  bills.  He 
wished,  too,  that  he  had  known  all  this  before 
he  came  down  to  Tiddledywink-land,  because 
he  knew  of  a  place  where  there  were  bags 


148  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

and  bags  and  bags  full  of  solid  gold  dande- 
lions growing  wild — a  fortune  beyond  the 
wildest  dreams  of  the  most  hopeful  Tiddledy- 
wink. 

"Then  they  keep  'em  there  until  they  do 
pay,"  said  Reddy. 

t "  But  isn't  that  very  'spensive  ?"  asked  Jim- 
mieboy.  "  They'd  have  to  feed  'em  and  keep 
'em  alive,  I  should  fink." 

"  Oh,  of  course,"  said  Reddy.  "  But  they 
make  lots  and  lots  of  money  that  way.  They 
charge  everybody  they  keep  their  board  and 
lodging." 

"  But  if  a  Widdledywink  hasn't  any  fwowers 
to  pay  to-day  how  is  he  ever  going  to  get  'em 
if  he  is  locked  up  ?"  queried  Jimmieboy. 

"  They  give  'em  all  little  gardens  and  make 
'em  raise  enough  flowers  to  pay  for  every- 
thing," said  Reddy,  and  then  he  cried  "  Hoo- 
rah  !  It's  raining,  it's  raining." 

And  sure  enough  it  was  raining. 

"  I  don't  see  why  you  are  so  glad  it's  wain- 
ing,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "We'll  get  soaked 
all  fwoo." 

"  No,  we  won't,"  cried  Reddy,  gleefully. 
"  The  roasted  peanut  tree  will  keep  us  dry 


THE  PROCESSION.  149 

and  now  I  know  it's  the  Athletic  Sport  parade 
because  it  always  rains  when  we  have  one." 

The  rain  began  to  come  down  in  torrents 
all  about  the  peanut  tree  but  never  touching 
it  or  the  two  little  fellows  sitting  high  in  its 
branches,  because,  as  Reddy  explained,  the 
heat  of  the  tree  dried  up  all  the  rain  before  it 
got  near  enough  to  wet  anything — although 
it  was  not  uncomfortably  warm  for  Jimmie- 
boy,  probably  because  he  was  still  dressed  in 
his  little  night  clothes,  which  were  rather  light 
for  a  boy  of  his  size  to  be  off  travelling  in, 
even  in  so  soft  and  balmy  a  country  as  Tiddle- 
dywink-land  was. 

"  Then  I'm  glad  too  because  the  rain  will 
lay  the  dust,"  said  Reddy.  "  By  the  way," 
he  added,  "  what  can  a  hen  do  that  the  rain 
can't?" 

"  What  ?  "  asked  Jimmieboy  heedlessly. 

"  Lay  an  egg,"  roared  Reddy,  laughing  so 
hard  that  the  tree  shook  and  loosened  the  hot 
peanuts  which  fell  upon  them  and  made  Jim- 
mieboy so  uncomfortable  that  he  started  to 
climb  clown.  It  was  a  queer  downcoming 
too.  Jimmieboy  felt  as  if  he. were  floating 
through  the  air — dropping  slowly  and  gently 


i$o  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

.down  to  the  ground,  landing  in  a  moment 
upon  a  soft  bank  of  ferns,  standing  on  which 
he  could  see  almost  as  far  down  the  road  as 
when  he  was  high  up  in  the  tree.  Barely  had 
his  feet  touched  the  ground  when  the  music 
and  noise,  which  had  ceased  when  the  rain 
began,  started  up  again  and  the  rain  as 
quickly  stopped. 

"  Glory  !  glory  ! "  sang  Reddy,  dancing  up 
and  down  until  the  ferns  were  almost  entirely 
spoiled.  "  It's  the  procession  of  the  toys  they 
talked  of  getting  up  in  your  honor,  and 
they've  got  all  the  best  Tiddledywink  bands 
for  the  music  and  in  the  middle  of  all  is  the 
State  carriage  for  you — Hooray  !" 

Jimmieboy  was  quite  carried  away  by 
Reddy's  delight,  and  began  dancing  with 
equal  vigor  himself.  "Hooray!"  he  cried, 
quite  as  loudly  as  Reddy  had  done.  "  Who 
are  these  first  ones?"  he  added  quickly,  for  at 
that  moment  the  first  band  of  music  appeared 
at  the  turn  of  the  road,  which  was  as  far  as 
they  could  see. 

"  It's  the— the  Grass  Band,"  yelled  Reddy 
with  delight,  turning  a  half  a  dozen  back-somer- 
saults to  get  rid  of  some  of  his  surplus  energy, 


THE  PROCESSION.  151 

else  he  must  have  flown  away.  "  It's  the 
Grass  Band,  led  by  old  Drum  Major  Grass 
Hopper." 

"  I've  heard    of   bwass   bands,"  Jimmieboy 
began,  but  Reddy  interrupted  : 

"  And  they're  playing  their  best,  too." 
Which  indeed  was  true,  for  the  music 
seemed  to  grow  better  and  sweeter  every 
minute.  Somehow  or  other  it  reminded 
Jimmieboy  of  a  delicious  drink  of  milk — it  was 
so  very  good  and  soft ;  and  then,  as  the  band 
drew  nearer,  he  could  see  that  it  was  made  up 
entirely  of  grass  hoppers,  blowing  on  tiny 
blades  of  grass  held  between  their  thumbs— 
Jimmieboy  had  never  seen  a  grass  hopper's 
thumb  before  and  he  thought  it  an  altogether 
queer  thing.  They  played  just  as  Jimmie- 
boy's  papa  had  often  done  out  on  the  lawn 
at  home,  only  the  music  the  grass  hoppers 
got  out  of  the  soft  green  spears  was  much 
less  squeaky  than  that  his  papa  used  to  get. 
As  they  drew  closer  to  Jimmieboy  the  grass 
hoppers  redoubled  their  efforts,  and  as  they 
passed  him  the  Drum  Major,  who  held  a  big 
piece  of  clover  in  his  hand,  saluted  him  with  a 
wink  and  an  extra  high  hop. 


152  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

Behind  the  Grass  Band  came  a  battalion 
of  Green  Tiddledywinks,  at  the  head  of  whom 
Jimmieboy  noticed  his  little  friend  who  had 
taken  him  off  bicycling  a  few  hours  before, 
and  then  in  a  beautiful  carriage  pulled  by 
Tiddledywink  ponies  wearing  the  same  style 
of  shoes  and  clothes  that  Reddy's  pony  had, 
only  with  emeralds  in  their  shirts  instead  of 
the  diamond  the  other  pony  had  on,  rode 
little  Miss  Green  Tiddledywink,  the  Green 
Snapper,  and  much  to  Jimmieboy's  surprise 
the  old  calico  Santa  Claus  he  had  had  so 
many  happy  days  with  up  in  the  nursery. 

"  How  did  he  get  here  ?"  Jimmieboy  asked 
of  Reddy — but  Reddy  had  in  some  manner 
disappeared,  and  Jimmieboy,  looking  around 
him  to  see,  if  possible,  where  he  had  gone,  dis- 
covered that  he  was  flanked  on  three  sides  by 
a  strong  guard  of  tin  soldiers. 

"  Dear  me,"  he  said,  frightened  just  the 
least  bit,  for  the  soldiers  looked  very  fierce. 
"  What  is  the  meaning  of  this  ?  Where  is 
Weddy?" 

"  Please,  sir,"  said  the  Commander  of  the 
tin  soldiers,  advancing  to  his  side,  "  the 
Red  Tiddledywink  was  summoned  to  the 


THE  PROCESSION.  153 

command  of  his  company,  sir.  We  were 
called  down  from  the  nursery  barracks  to  act 
as  guard  of  honor  to  you  until  the  Tiddledy- 
wink  carnage  arrives  to  take  you  to  the  Ath- 
letic Grounds." 

"Oh,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "That's  it,  is  it? 
I  couldn't  quite  see  what  you  were  doing 
here.  You  may  weturn  to  your  men." 

Then  he  turned  to  watch  the  procession 
again.  It  was  well  he  did,  or  he  would  have 
missed  the  Yellow  Tiddledywinks  who  were 
just  coming  around  the  turn,  a  fine  band  of 
canary  birds  before  them  furnishing  the 
music.  Jimmieboy  said  afterwards  that  he  had 
never  heard  canaries  sing  so  well,  and  he 
thought  he  remembered  the  tune,  but  when 
he  tried  it  he  found  he  only  knew  the  first 
note,  and  his  papa  said  he  had  heard  that  be- 
fore. 

The  Yellow  Tiddledywinks  all  carried  long 
sprays  of  golden-rod  over  their  shoulders,  and 
looked  very  gay  and  glittering  in  their  yellow 
clothes.  Behind  them  came  their  invited 
guests,  and  with  these  Jimmieboy  saw  his 
dear  little  friend  the-  Plush  Dog-on-Wheels, 
barking  at  nearly  everything  he  saw. 


154  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  He  ought  to  have  a  soft  pedal  on  his 
mouth,"  said  a  gruff  voice  at  Jimmieboy's 
side,  which  made  him  start  a  little,  although 
he  knew  that  the  tin  soldiers  would  take  care 
that  he  wasn't  hurt. 

"Hullo,  you  here?"  smiled  Jimmieboy,  as 
soon  as  he  saw  who  it  was. 

"  No.  I'm  elsewhere,"  returned  the  Man- 
gatoo — for  it  was  he  that  spoke.  "  That's 
the  queer  thing  about  me.  I'm  never  where 
I  am.  When  I'm  there  I'm  here,  and  when 
I'm  here  I'm  not." 

"  How  did  you  get  away  from  the  Zoo?11 
asked  Jimmieboy,  returning  the  bow  of  a 
huge  Agate  that  stalked  by  in  the  procession 
with  a  beaver  hat  on,  looking  for  all  the 
world  like  a  big  glass  eye  with  legs. 

"  Can't  a  bird  save  himself  from  drown- 
ing?" asked  the  Mangatoo,  indignantly. 
"  Did  you  suppose  I  was  going  to  stay  in 
that  place  after  the  Teeheelephant  had  cried 
five  minutes  ?  I  guess  not.  You'd  have 
got  your  feet  wet  if  you'd  stood  on  your 
head,  the  place  filled  up  so,  and  if  there  is 
anything  I  don't  like  it's  salt  water  bach- 
ing." 


THE  PROCESSION.  1 5  5 

"  Are  the  Teeheelephant's  tears  salt  ? " 
asked  Jimmieboy. 

"Are  they?"  sneered  the  Mangatoo. 
"  Did  you  ever  taste  sea  water?" 

"  Yes,"  said  Jimmieboy.      "  Once." 

"  Well,  the  Teeheelephant's  tears  aren't  a 
bit  like  it,"  said  the  Mangatoo.  "  It's  awful, 
and  I  got  my  throat  wet  and  won't  be  able  to 
sing  this  evening." 

"  I  didn't  know  you  ever  sang,"  said  Jim- 
mieboy. 

"  I  never  do,"  returned  the  Mangatoo. 
"  But  I  don't  see  what  that's  got  to  do  with 
the  salt  water  spoiling  my  voice." 

"Do  you  ever  see  anyfing?"  Jimmieboy 
asked.  It  was  a  little  cross  of  him  perhaps, 
but  the  Mangatoo  was  behaving  in  a  very  dis- 
agreeable manner,  throwing  stones  as  he 
talked  at  the  Red  Monkey-on-a-Stick  that  was 
going  by  at  the  moment  with  Reddy's  com- 
pany. 

"  Not  with  my  eyes  shut,"  said  the  Manga- 
too. "  And  I  don't  believe  you  can  either. 
Good-bye." 

"Are  you  going?"  asked  Jimmieboy,  hold- 
ing out  his  hand. 


156  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"Oh,  no,"  said  the  Mangatoo.  "Not  at 
all." 

"  Then  why  did  you  say  good-bye  ?" 

"  Because  it's  a  harmless  remark  to  make 
and  fills  up  the  time.  Saying  good-bye  doesn't 
mean  I'm  going,  anyhow.  Clocks  go  without 
saying  it.  So  do  railway  trains  and  music 
boxes — you  don't  seem  to  know  very  much, 
considering  how  young  you  are,"  said  the 
Mangatoo  scornfully,  shying  a  stick  into  the 
middle  of  a  carnage  in  which  sat  four  choco- 
late colored  doll  babies,  whereat  the  babies 
began  to  cry  and  the  plaster  lion  who  was  in 
charge  roared  up  to  the  Mangatoo  that  if  he 
had  time  he'd  come  up  and  bite  his  drumstick 
off. 

"All  right,"  retorted  the  Mangatoo.  "I 
prefer  the  second  joint  myself,"  which  made 
Jimmieboy  laugh,  although  he  did  consider 
the  Mangatoo's  behavior  disgraceful. 

'"I'm  rather  fond  of  the  drumstick  bone," 
said  Jimmieboy  in  a  minute,  with  a  sly  look 
at  the  Mangatoo. 

"All  right,"  returned  the  bird  solemnly, 
drawing  one  leg  up  under  his  wing  as  if  to 
protect  it.  "  When  I  get  through  with  mine 


THE  PROCESSION,  157 

you  can  have  it.      Here  come  the   Blue  Tid- 
dledywinks.      Hear  the  bells  ?  " 

"  What  are  the  bells?"  asked  Jimmieboy. 

"  That's  their  band — made  up  of  Blue-bells. 
Pretty  idea,  eh?"  said  the  Mangatoo. 

"Yes,"  said  Jimmieboy.      "Very." 

"Well,  I  don't  agree  with  you,"  said  the 
Mangatoo. 

"You  don't  agwee  with  anybody,  do  you?" 
asked  Jimmieboy. 

"No.  If  I  did  they'd  eat  me,"  retorted  the 
bird,  and  then  he  laughed — and  such  a  laugh 
as  it  was.  It  fairly  shook  the  road. 

"What  are  you  laughing  at?"  asked  Jim- 
mieboy. "  I  don't  see  anyfing  funny." 

"  I   was  only  thinking — teehee—  '  laughed 
the  Mangatoo,  "of  how  funny — hee-hee-hee— 
this  procession  would  be  if  it  wasn't — ha-ha- 
ha — so  awfully  stupid." 

"  The  carriage  is  ready  for  you  now,  sir," 
cried  the  Captain  of  the  tin  soldiers,  coming 
up  at  this  moment. 

"Very  well,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "I  am 
weady." 

"  I  guess  I'll  go  along  with  you,"  said  the 
Mangatoo,  rising  and  walking  to  the  carriage. 


J58 


TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 


"  I  guess  you  won't,"  retorted  the  Captain. 

"  Very  well !"  said  the  Mangatoo,  making  a 
face  at  the  Captain,  "  but  I  warn  you  if  I  do 
not  go  I  shall  stay.  Remember  that.  Good- 
bye, Jimmieboy,"  he  added,  turning  to  his 
little  acquaintance.  "  You  are  the  first  of  the 
little  boy  kind  of  animals  I've  ever  had  any- 
thing to  do  with,  and  I  think  you  are  the  best 
of  the  kind  that  I  know  of.  Next  time  you 
come  to  see  me  bring  your  eyes  along  with 
you,  for,  as  the  poet  says, 

'  You  cannot  see  the  Mangatoo, 

No  matter  how  you  try, 
Unless  you  bring  along  with  you 
A  fine  transparent  eye.' 

And  mind,  don't  forget  the  comic  papers." 

And  so  Jimmieboy  bade  farewell  to  the 
Mangatoo,  and  entered  the  carriage. 


XV. 

THE  RAG-BABY  CREATES  A  DISTURBANCE. 

IT  was  the  first  time  Jimmieboy  had  ever 
taken  part  in  a  procession.  He  had  often 
watched  them  go  by  the  window  his  papa  al- 
ways got  when  there  were  sights  of  that  kind 
to  be  seen,  and  it  had  seemed  to  him  that  it 
must  indeed  be  blissful  to  be  one  of  those 
"pyitty"  soldiers  and  carry  a  sword  or  a  gun, 
and  wear  a  big  feather  in  his  hat.  But  to 
ride  in  a  beautiful  carriage  like  this  with  six 
handsome  Tiddledywink  ponies  to  pull  it, 
each  pony  managed  by  a  magnificently 
dressed  Tiddledywink  sitting  astride  of  it,  with 
bands  of  music  on  all  sides,  and  all  playing 
different  tunes  and  every  tune  a  combination 


i6o  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

of  favorites — this  was  grander  than  anything 
he  had  ever  dreamed  of,  although  it  reminded 
him  of  a  story  his  papa  told  him  once,  about 
a  lovely  Queen  who  had  reigned  over  a  small 
island  near  Europe  for  fifty  years  and  who 
had  had  a  jubilee  on  account  of  it,  which  his 
papa  had  sailed  over  the  water  in  a  big  boat 
to  see  and  had  enjoyed  very  much.  Jimmie- 
boy  didn't  really  believe  that  this  Queen  in  all 
her  glory  and  power  could  have  felt  any 
prouder  than  he  did  at  that  moment — in  fact, 
he  was  sure  she  couldn't  have  felt  quite  as 
proud,  because  she  was  only  one  of  dozens  of 
Kings  and  Queens  and  Princesses  in  her 
procession,  while  he  was  the  only  little 
boy  in  all  Tiddledywink-land.  And  how 
lustily  the  Tiddledywinks  and  invited  Toys, 
who  were  not  in  the  procession,  but  who  lined 
both  sides  of  the  road,  cheered  as  Jimmieboy 
passed  by,  bowing  and  bowing  until  his  neck 
fairly  ached ;  and  how  he  wished  he  had 
thought  to  bring  his  hat  along  with  him  so 
that  he  could  take  it  off  to  all  these  people 
and  wave  it  at  them  and — O  how  lovely  it  all 
was — and  what  would  his  papa  ?say  if  he  could 
see  him  now  ! 


THE  RAG  BABY  CREATES -A  DISTURBANCE.   161 

But  it  could  not  last  forever,  as  Jimmieboy 
almost  wished  it  might.  In  fact  it  lasted  for 
a  very  much  less  space  of  time  than  always,  for 
in  five  Tiddledywink  minutes,  which  are  about 
a  fifty-seventh  part  as  long  as  a  tenth  of  one 
of  our  seconds,  the  music  stopped  and  a  loud 
voice  that  sounded  something  like  that  of  the 
brakeman  who  owned  a  train  Jimmieboy  had 
travelled  on  once,  called  out,  '''Last  station. 
All  out  for  the  Athletic  Sports  /"  and  imme- 
diately Jimmieboy  found  himself  in  the  mid- 
dle of  a  great,  pushing,  hauling  crowd  who 
were  trying  to  get  through  the  gates  to  the 
seats  within. 

"  Little  boys  in  night  clothes  ought  not  to 
be  allowed  at  Athletic  Sports  without  a  nurse," 
said  a  strange  voice  almost  at  Jimmieboy's 
side,  and  on  looking  around  Jimmieboy  saw  the 
Rag-baby  he  had  punished  the  day  before,  by 
placing  him  in  the  waste  basket  for  two  hours, 
standing  back  of  him.  This  was  the  Rag- 
baby's  revenge.  Jimmieboy  wanted  to  answer 
back  but  somehow  or  other  he  was  afraid  to, 
because  the  Rag-baby  was  a  much  bigger  per- 
son here  in  Tiddledywink-land  than  he  was  up 
home  in  the  nursery. 


162  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  Move  on,"  said  the  Tin  Soldier,  who  was 
at  Jimmieboy's  side  to  protect  him  from  the 
rudeness  of  the  unruly  guests. 

"  I'll  bend  your  bayonet  into  a  button  hook 
if  you  say  another  word  to  me,"  retorted  the 
Rag-baby,  turning  his  attention  to  Jimmie- 
boy's protector  and  shaking  his  fist  in  his  face. 
This  roused  Jimmieboy's  anger  a  little,  because 
he  never  liked  that  particular  Rag-baby  very 
much  anyhow,  and  he  didn't  care  to  have 
his  little  friend  the  Tin  Soldier,  who  was  a 
great  favorite  of  his,  bullied.  So  he  sum- 
moned up  all  the  courage  he  had  and  said  : 

''If  you  do  I'll  take  you  when  we  get  back 
home  and  lock  you  up  in  a  buweau  dwawer  for 
four  weeks." 

"That's  right,  Jimmieboy,"  cried  the  Mon- 
key-on-a-Stick  from  the  rear  edge  of  the 
crowd.  '*  Don't  let  that  quarrelsome  Rag- 
baby  frighten  you.  We're  all  friends  here  ex- 
cept him  and  if  he  doesn't  behave  we'll— 

"  Tickets  !  "  shouted  the  voice  that  sounded 
like  the  brakeman's. 

"  Dear  me,"  said  Jimmieboy  in  alarm.  "  I 
fought  we  didn't  have  to  have  tickets." 

"  You    were    right,"    whispered    the    voice. 


THE  RAG-BABY  CREATES  A  DISTURBANCE.  163 

"  But  they  all  know  that  except  the  Rag-baby 
and  we  don't  want  to  let  him  in — so  we're  going 
to  demand  his  ticket." 

Then    the   whisper  stopped    and    the  loud 


voice  came  again 


"T-I-C-K-E-T-S." 

"  I  haven't  one,"  said  the  Rag-baby,  for  it 
was  to  him  that  the  voice  spoke  this  time. 

"  Then  you  can't  come  in,"  returned  the 
voice.  lt  Step  out  of  the  way,  please — don't 
block  up  the  passage." 

"  But  the  rest  of  these  people  haven't  any 
tickets,  either,"  returned  the  Rag-baby  indig- 
nantly. 

"  Never  said  they  had,"  retorted  the  voice. 
"  But  what's  that  got  to  do  with  the  size  of 
the  room  ?  " 

"  You  are  letting  them  in,"  insisted  the  Rag- 
baby.  "  And  you  are  keeping  me  out." 

''  That's  very  true,"  returned  the  voice,  "  but 
of  course  you  know  why  ?" 

"  Can't  say  I  do,"  said  the  Rag-baby.  "  I'm 
as  good  as  these  others — and  a  good  deal 
better.'* 

"  That's  just  the  reason,"  said  the  voice  with 
a  chuckle.  "You're  so  much  better  than  any- 


1 64  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

one  else  here  we  think  you  ought  not  to  be 
asked  to  come  in  except  on  a  printed  ticket, 
made  specially  for  you.  Unfortunately  the 
printer  has  disappointed  us  and  the  ticket 
won't  be  ready  for  six  weeks.  You  might 
come  then." 

"  But  there  won't  be  any  sports,  then," 
shouted  the  Rag-baby,  for  he  was  getting  mad- 
der every  minute. 

"  No — but  the  trains  will  run  just  the  same 
and  you  can  come  and  have  some  races  with 
yourself.  Good-bye,"  and  with  this  the  voice 
died  away,  the  gate  slammed  and  everybody 
was  inside  except  the  Rag-baby,  and  in  a  few 
minutes  the  Teeheelephant  who  had  escaped 
from  the  Zoo,  and  was  now  searching  for  Reddy, 
came  along  and  catching  up  the  quarrelsome 
outcast  put  him  away  in  his  hand  bag  and  gal- 
loped back  to  the  Zoo  to  inspect  his  captive. 

"  That's  what  happens  to  quarrelsome  peo- 
ple," said  the  Tin  Soldier.  "  They  always  get 
into  trouble  sooner  or  later." 

"  I'm  glad  he's  not  going  to  be  here,"  said 
Jimmieboy,  "  because  he  is  the  most  twouble- 
some  doll  I  have.  But  where  are  we  to  sit?" 
he  added,  looking  about  him. 


THE  RAG-BABY  CREATES  A  DISTURBANCE.   165 

What  he  saw  when  he  looked  about  him 
was  a  hall  about  forty  feet  square  all  covered 
with  chairs,  excepting  down  at  one  end,  where 
Jimmieboy  could  see  a  platform  upon  which 
were  a  few  more  chairs  and  tables  and  tall 
poles — but  he  didn't  see  any  place  for  running 
and  jumping  as  he  had  expected. 

"  Funny  kind  of  Athletic  Sports,"  he  thought 
to  himself. 

"  Yes,"  said  the  Tin  Soldier,  "  they  are." 

"  They  are  what  ?"  asked  Jimmieboy.  He 
had  not  said  anything  was  anything  so  far. 

"  Funny  kind  of  Athletic  Sports.  I  saw 
you  think  it,"  returned  the  Tin  Soldier. 
"  You  know  I  can  see  what's  going  on  in  your 
head  through  those  big  brown  eyes  of  yours — 
they  are  so  clear." 

"  Well,"  laughed  Jimmieboy  a  little  ner- 
vously, "if  that's  the  case  I'll  have  to  fink 
with  my  eyes  tight  shut  after  this — because  it 
isn't  always  pleasant  to  have  people  know 
what  you  are  finking  about." 

"  It  is  if  you  think  nice  things  about  people," 
said  the  Soldier,  "  and  that's  all  the  kind  of 
way  a  little  boy  like  you  ought  to  think." 

"  Little  boys  don't  always  do  as  they  ought 


166  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

to,"  said  Jimmieboy  sagely.  To  this  the  Tin 
Soldier  replied  that  he  didn't  know  about 
that — that  Jimmieboy  was  the  only  little  boy 
he  had  ever  had  anything  to  do  with  and  he 
had  supposed  he  never  was  naughty. 

"  Why,  I've  been  naughty  lots  of  times," 
said  Jimmieboy.  "  Don't  you  wecommember 
once  my  papa  took  you  away  from  me  because 
I  did  somefing  he  didn't  want  me  to  ?  " 

"  I  remember  my  being  taken  away  from 
you  but  I  didn't  know  what  it  was  for." 

il  I  guess,  "  said  Jimmieboy,  "  it  was  for  the 
sake  of  example.  He  didn't  want  you  to 
learn  naughty  twicks  from  me." 

"  I  guess  that  must  have  been  it,"  said  the 
Tin  Soldier.  "  But  I  never  should  have 
guessed  it  if  you  hadn't  helped." 

At  this  moment  Reddy  came  up  with  the 
Black  Tiddledywink  and  told  Jimmieboy  that 
the  sports  were  about  to  begin,  and  that  if  he 
would  go  with  Blackey,  Blackey  would  see 
that  he  got  a  good  seat. 

"  When  the  sports  are  over,"  Reddy  said 
after  Jimmieboy  and  Blackey  were  made 
acquainted,  "  we  are  all  going  to  a  ball  at  the 
Blue  Tiddledywink's.  It  isn't  a  rubber  ball 


THE  RAG-BABY  CREATES  A  DISTURBANCE.  167 

either,"  he  added  just  for  the  sake  of  his 
joke. 

"  I  suppose  we'll  have  the  regular  supper 
afterwards?"  suggested  Blackey — "huckle- 
berry longcake  and  thaw-cream  ?  " 

"What's    thaw-cream?"    said    Jimmieboy. 

"  Boiled  ice-cream,"  explained  Blackey  and 
then  he  added  the  little  rhyme, 

"  I  do  not  mean  to  give  offense 
But  I  assert  that  its  immense 
Especially  when  cold's  intense." 

"What's  the  matter  with  you?"  said  Reddy 
to  the  Black  Tiddledywink.  "We  never  have 
thaw-cream  at  balls.  They  never  have  any- 
thing but  rolls  at  balls." 

"  So  they  don't,"  returned  Blackey.  "  I'd 
forgotten  that. 

"  Tis  strange  how  I  forget  some  things — 
Like  postage  stamps  and  finger  rings, 
And  always,  when  it  comes  December, 
The  other  things  I  can't  remember." 

"They're  very  good  rolls  though,"  Reddy 
said  with  a  nod  at  Jimmieboy.  "  Nice  and 
light  you  know — we  have  to  keep  strings 


1 68  TWDLEDYWINK  TALES, 

tied  to  'em  to  hold  'em  down,  they're  so  light 
and  hot!  My,  how  fine  and  hot  they  are. 
The  butter  you  put  on  'em  melts  as  soon  as 
it  touches  'em  and  you'd  never  know  it  was 
there.  But  there  goes  the  bell  and  I  must 
be  off." 

As  Reddy  spoke  the  bell  had  been  rung  for 
the  contestants  in  the  first  event  and  as  Reddy 
was  Master  of  Ceremonies,  Jimmieboy  was 
willing  to  excuse  him,  particularly  as  he  had 
left  Blackey  behind  to  entertain  the  little 
visitor. 

"  He's  a  nice  Widdledywink,"  said  Jimmie- 
boy with  an  affectionate  glance  in  the  direc- 
tion of  the  retreating  Reddy. 

"  Yes,"  returned  Blackey,"  very  nice  indeed. 
In  fact, 

With  all  that  you  have  just  now  said 

I  perfectly  agree. 
I  really  think  that  little  Red 

'S  almost  as  nice  as  me." 

"You  should  say  'nice  as  I,'  "  said  Jimmie- 
boy. He  didn't  know  why  'nice  as  I'  was 
better  than  '  nice  as  me'  for  of  course  he  had 
never  studied  grammar,  but  he  did  know  that 


THE  RAG-BABY  CREATES  A  DISTURBANCE.  169 

his  papa  had  corrected  him  several  times 
when  he  had  himself  said  'nice  as  me.' ' 

"  But  I  don't  think  he's  as  nice  as  you," 
said  Blackey,  "so  I  won't  say  it." 

This  was  confusing  to  Jimmieboy,  so  he 
thought  he  wouldn't  pursue  the  question  any 
further  and  changed  the  subject  by  saying: 

"  But  I  don't  see  any  wunning  wack." 

"  What  for.?  "   queried  Blackey. 

"  For  your  sports  of  course,"  said  Jimmie- 
boy. "  You  must  have  a  wunning  wack  if  you 
have  wunning  waces." 

"  But  we  don't  have  running  races — such 
things  aren't  permitted  down  here,"  returned 
Blackey.  "  They  tire  you  out  so  and  get  you 
all  out  of  breath.  We  never  run  unless  the 
Whimperjam  or  the  Wobbledypie  wants  us, 
and  so  running  is  very  useless  at  most  times 
and  not  sport  at  others,  and  as  my  poem  says, 

Oh,  what's  the  use  of  useless  things, 
If  you've   no  fingers,  why  have  rings  ? 
Without  a  head  why  buy  a  hat — 
Pray  tell  me  that." 

"  Yes — but  AfHetic  Sports  up  in  my 
countwy  are  all  made  up  of  wunning  waces 


170  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

and  jumping  waces,    or   wowing   waces,"  ex- 
plained Jimmieboy. 

"  Well,  I  don't  see  the  good  of  'em,"  said 
Blackey.  "  And  they  must  be  very  tiresome. 
When  we  have  races  they  are  either  thinking 
races — to  see  who  can  think  the  fastest — or 
talking  races,  to  see  who  can  talk  the  longest, 
or  sitting  races  to  see  who  can  sit  the  still- 
est ;  and  so  on.  There's  lots  of  good  in  that 
style  of  sport  because  it  rests  the  racers  and 
they  don't  get  overheated  and  out  of  breath. 
As  the  heroine  in  my  poem  says  to  her  cousin, 
who  is  about  to  leave  her,  and  seek  his 
fortune  : 

I  do  not  pine  for  them  that  ride  and  hunt, 

For  them  that  run  and  row  I  have  no  care- 
Give  me  that  noble  being  none  can  stunt 
At  sitting  motionless  upon  a  chair. 

I  deem  them  sorry  wights  who're  strong  to  thump 
Each  other  'til  the  one  or  t'other  shrinks — 

I  have  no  love  for  him  who  lives  to  jump — 
But  let  me  have  that  one  who  fastest  thinks. 

The  noblest  sport  is  that  which  contributes 
Most  to  the  good  and  glory  of  our  kind. 

I  love  him  best  who  never  substitutes 

Mere  leggy  sports  for  those  that  tax  the  mind. 


THE  RAG-BABY  CREATES  A  DISTURBANCE.   171 

"  Perhaps  that's  a  little  too  deep  for  you 
Jimmieboy,"  Blackey  added,  "but  you  see  we 
Tiddledywinks  have  to  jump  as  a  matter  of 
business.  We  jump  for  a  living,  so  when  we 
come  to  our  sports  we  try  to  do  something 
different.  Now  as  for  you,  I  should  advise 
you  to  get  all  the  '  leggy  sports '  you  can  and 
let  thinking  and  sitting  still  alone  for  some 
years  to  come.  You  are  not  a  Tiddledywink 
but  a  little  boy,  and  it  isn't  likely  you  ever 
will  be  a  Tiddledywink — though  if  you  ever 
are  I  hope  you'll  come  and  join  our  set — and 
little  boys  need  all  the  exercise  they  can  get; 
and  they're  rather  like  flowers,  too — they  need 
sunshine  and  a  good  watering  every  day,  and 
if  they  get  that  they're  apt  to  be  happy  any- 
where. Exercise  is  health  for  you,  but  busi- 
ness for  us — see  ?  " 

From  which  Jimmieboy  would  have  known 
if  he  had  been  old  enough,  that  Blackey  was 
something  of  a  philosopher  as  well  as  a 
poet. 

"  You  and  I,"  said  Blackey  after  a  moment's 
pause,  "  would  better  run  a  little  bit  though 
and  get  into  our  seats — for  I  see  the  band  is 
preparing  to  play  the  lullaby." 


172 


TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 


"  What's  the  lullaby  for?"  Jimmieboy 
asked. 

"For  the  Sleeping  Match.  The  Tiddle- 
dywinks  are  going1  to  see  which  can  go  to 
sleep  the  quickest." 


XVI. 

THE  ATHLETIC  SPORTS  BEGIN. 

**TTTHAT  are  those  books  on  the  table 
VV  for?"  asked  Jimmieboy,  as  the  six 
Tiddledywinks  who  were  to  take  part  in  the 
Sleeping  Match  came  out  upon  the  platform 
and  bowed  to  the  audience. 

"  Those  are  arithmetics,"  said  Blackey. 
"  They  make  the  race  faster,  you  know,  and  of 
course  the  faster  the  race  the  more  exciting  it 
is." 

"I've  heard  of  '  wiff  metic,' "  said  Jimmie- 
boy, "  from  a  big  cousin  of  mine  who  knows 
all  about  it,  but  he  said  it  was  very  slow." 

"Of  course  it  is,"  returned  Blackey.  "As 
I  said  once  in  my  poem  on  slowness  : 


174  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

The  Snail  is  very,  very  slow, 
For  one  so  light  and  small; 
You  hardly  see  the  tortoise  go, 
You  hardly  see  the  grasses  grow, 
But  this  Arithmetic,  you  know, 
Is  slower  than  them  all." 


"  Then  I  don't  see  how  it  makes  a  wace 
faster,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"  You  forget,"  returned  Blackey,  "that  this 
is  a  Sleeping  Match.  Don't  you  see  the  Tid- 
dledywinks  are  all  lying  down  ? " 

"  Why  yes — and  studying  the  wiffmetics 
—oh,  I  see,"  said  Jimmieboy,  with  a  loud 
laugh.  "  They  are  studying  themselves  to 
sleep." 

"Hooray!  Tiger!!"  shouted  the  Calico 
Santa  Claus  over  on  the  other  side  of  the 
hall,  and  the  Red  Tiddledywinks  all  ap- 
plauded. 

"  What's  the  cheering  for?"  asked  Jimmie- 
boy. 

"Why,  didn't  you  see  Reddy  nod?" 
returned  Blackey.  "  He's  the  champion  so 
far.  He's  sleepier  than — hullo  what's  the 
matter  now?"  Blackey  added,  rising  from  his 
seat  and  walking  over  to  the  stage,  for  there 


THE  A  THLE  TIC  SPOR  TS  BEGIN.  1 7  5 

seemed  to  be  a  quarrel  of  some  kind  going  on 
there,  and  all  the  contesting  Tiddledywinks 
had  sprung  to  their  feet  and  were  talking  vig- 
orously to  the  stuffed  Owl,  who,  inasmuch  as 
he  lived  in  Jimmieboy's  papa's  library  over  a 
lot  of  books,  which  Jimmieboy  called  the 
Bicyclopsedia,  was  supposed  to  know  enough 
to  be  referee  and  had  been  asked  to  act  as 
such. 

"  I  hope  there  is  not  going  to  be  a  fight," 
said  Jimmieboy,  when  Blackey  returned. 

"Fight?"  said  Blackey,  "Oh  no.  There's 
just  a  little  misunderstanding,  that's  all. 
They've  got  to  start  over  again.  Reddy  didn't 
understand  the  rules  and  began  studying 
fractions  and  of  course  he'd  have  been  asleep 
first  because  the  others  were  beginning  with 
addition,  which  isn't  half  so  stupid.  It's  one 
of  the  rules  that  the  contestants  have  got 
to  begin  at  the  beginning  of  the  arithme- 
tic because  some  parts  of  it  are  sleepier 
than  others,  and  of  course  it  wouldn't  be 
fair  if  they  didn't  all  have  the  same  advan- 

)» 

ta^e. 

o 

"  The  Owl  does  very  well  for  a  judge,  doesn't 
he?"  said  Jimmieboy,  when  all  had  quieted 


r/6  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

down  and  the  Tiddledywink  athletes  had 
started  off  on  their  race  again. 

"Yes.  And  it's  a  good  thing  for  the  Tid- 
dledywinks  that  he  isn't  in  this  match,  too," 
said  Blackey,  "because  he'd  win  it  if  he  was. 
Why  that  Owl  can  get  to  sleep  nine  times 
quicker  than  you  could  an  hour  after  bed- 
time, and  that's  a  good  deal  to  be  able  to 
do,  considering  the  size  of  his  eyes  and 
all  the  things  he  knows  and  has  to  for- 
get." 

"How  do  you  mean  'forget'?"  queried 
Jimmieboy.  He  had  never  thought  much  on 
the  subject  of  sleep  and  Blackey's  remarks 
were  rather  hard  for  him  to  understand. 

"Why,  that's  all  sleep  is,"  returned  Blackey 
wisely.  "  It's  nothing  but  shutting  your  eyes 
and  forgetting  everything.  Didn't  you  know 
that?"  " 

"No,  I  didn't,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "When 
I  go  to  sleep  I  don't  forget  every fing.  I 
dweam  about  mamma  and  papa  and  all  my 
toys  and— 

"  Yes,  but  that  isn't  real  remembering," 
said  Blackey.  "  That's  only  dream  remem- 
bering." 


THE  ATHLETIC  SPORTS  BEGIN.  177 

"  I  don't  see  what  diffence  there  is," 
retorted  Jimmieboy,  a  bit  puzzled. 

"  There's  a  good  deal,"  Blackey  answered. 
"  Did  you  ever  dream  you  had  a  stick  of 
candy  in  your  hand  ?" 

"  Lots  o'  times,"  said  Jimmieboy,  smacking 
his  lips  at  the  remembrance. 

"  And  did  you  ever  wake  up  before  you'd 
eaten  that  dream  candy  ?  "  asked  Blackey. 

"  Yes,"  assented  Jimmieboy. 

"Then  what  did  you  do  with  it?"  asked 
Blackey. 

11  Muffin',"  said  Jimmieboy.  "  There 
wasn't  anyfing  to  do  anyfing  with." 

"  Well,  the  difference  between  that  dream 
candy  and  real  candy  is  just  the  same  as  the 
difference  between  real  remembering  and 
dream  remembering — so  you  see  sleep  is 
nothing  after  all  but  forgetting.  Perhaps 
you  have  read  my  poem  about  the  Bumble- 
Bee  and  the  Fish  ?  " 

"No.  I  can't  wead,"  returned  Jimmieboy, 
"  but  I've  learned  how  to  listen." 

"  That's  a  great  thing,  too,"  put  in  Blackey. 
"  Most  little  boys  don't  know  how  to  listen 
even  in  words  of  no  syllables.  But  the  poem 


1/8  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

of  the  Bumble-Bee  shows  how  sleep  makes 
you  forget  very  important  things  sometimes. 
The  Bumble  Bee  is  supposed  to  tell  the  story 
and  it  goes  this  way  : 

THE  BUMBLE-BEE  AND  THE  FISH. 

"  One  night  when  I  lay  fast  asleep — 

I  am  a  Bumble-Bee — 
The  notion  in  my  head  did  creep 
That  I  lived  in  the  briny  deep, 
The  restless,  sounding  sea — 

Strange  place  that  was  for  me  ! 

"  And  all  the  fishes  gathered  there, 

The  Cod,  Sardine  and  Whale, 
Came  swimming  up  from  everywhere — 
Except  the  Shark  who  took  a  scare, 
And  turned  a  ghastly  pale 
In  every  single  scale. 

"  The  Minnow  then  in  solemn  tone 

Asked,  '  Pray  sir,  tell  us  what 
You  chance  to  be — art  flesh  and  bone  ? 
Art  fish  or  fowl  ?     Wood  or  stone  ?  ' 
And  I — I  answered  not — 
I'd  really  clean  forgot. 

"'I  thought  and  thought  and  thought  and  thought 

I  thought  for  hours  three — 
Nor  found  the  answer  that  I  sought, 
Until  a  sudden  change  was  wrought, 
And  I  of  sleep  was  free — 
And  then  I  cried  '  A  Bee.' 


THE  ATHLETIC  SPORTS  BEGIN.  179 

"  But  'twas  too  late.     The  fish  were  gone—- 
Their thirst  by  no  means  slaked — 
The  Halibut  and  Pinky  Prawn, 
The  Whale,  the  Cod  had  all  withdrawn 
The  moment  that  I  waked — 
And  how  my  poor  head  ached. 

"  And  hence  it  is  that  since  that  night 

The  monsters  of  the  seas — 
The  Mackerel  and  Bait  of  white 
The  Shrimp  and  other  fishes  bright 
Have  looked  on  Bumble-Bees 
As  crazy  mysteries." 

"Hi,  HI,  HI,  Hi,  HI!"  cried  the  Monkey- 
on-a-Stick,  who  was  sitting  with  the  Green 
Tiddledywinks.  "  Greeney's  ahead — Green- 
ey's  ahead." 

"  How  does  he  know?"  asked  Jimmieboy, 
for  as  far  as  he  could  see  the  Sleeping  Match 
contestants  were  as  wide-awake  as  ever. 

"  He  can  tell  by  his  breathing,"  said 
Blackey.  "  He's  nearer  than  we  are,  you 
know,  and  maybe  Greeney  is  giving  one  of 
those  half-asleep  snores — don't  you  know  the 
kind  when  you  give  a  little  snort  and  then 
straighten  up  suddenly  as  much  as  to  say,  '  I'm 
not  asleep'  ?" 

"  Whitey   seems   to    be  very  wide-awake," 


i8o  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES, 

said  Jimmieboy,  after  a  minute  spent  in  watch- 
ing the  athletes.  "  He  doesn't  look  a  bit 
sleepy — I  don't  beyeve  he'll  win." 

"  No,"  returned  Blackey.  "  He  won't.  He 
didn't  train  properly.  He  slept  ten  hours  last 
night  and  had  coffee  for  breakfast.  The 
other's  haven't  been  asleep  for  four  days  and 
have  drank  nothing  but  bromide." 

"What's  bwomide — anyfing  like  soda-wa- 
ter?" asked  Jimmieboy. 

"Yes,"  said  Blackey.  "Very — only  it's 
lazier.  It  makes  you  tired  and  want  to  go  to 
sleep — so  you  see  Whitey  really  hasn't  any 
show  at  all — that  is,  not  unless  he  reads  his 
Arithmetic  faster  than  the  others  and  gets 
over  into  Mental  Long  Division  before  they 
do.  If  he  can  do  that  he  has  a  chance." 

"  Do  you  fink  he  will  do  it?"  asked  Jim- 
mieboy— -he  was  rather  fond  of  Whitey  and 
thought  he'd  like  to  see  him  win  at  some- 
thing. 

"  Well,  no,  I  don't,"  returned  Blackey.  "  I 
think  Whitey  is  saving  himself  up  for  the  Think- 
ing Match — that  comes  right  after  the  exhibi- 
tion jump  by  the  Monkey-on-a-Stick,  which  is 
next  to  the  Sleeping  Match.  Whitey  is  the 


THE  ATHLETIC  SPORTS  BEGIN.  181 

quickest  thinker  we  have,  though  lately  the 
Yellow  Tiddledywink  has  rushed  him  pretty 
close — in  fact,  he  beat  him  thinking  out  an 
answer  to  one  of  Reddy's  riddles  one  day 
last  week,  but  that  was  only  in  practice,  and 
the  Green  Snapper  says  that  Whitey  let  him 
beat  on  purpose  just  to  encourage  him." 

Just  then  the  Green  Tiddledywink  in  the 
Sleeping  Match  gave  a  snore  that  could  be 
heard  all  over  the  hall  and  the  audience 
began  to  applaud,  supposing  he  had  won,  but 
the  Owl  never  said  a  word  because  he  too 
had  fallen  asleep,  and  before  the  applause  had 
waked  him  up  Reddy  had  fallen  into  a  deep 
slumber. 

"  Judgment  !  Judgment  !  !"  cried  the  Tid- 
dledywinks  in  the  audience  so  loudly  at  last 
that  the  Owl  waked  up  and  asked  : 

"  What's  the  matter?" 

"  We  want  your  decision!"  cried  the  Tid- 
dledywinks.  "  The  race  is  over." 

"  Which  won?"  asked  the  Owl,  his  big 
eyes  blinking  as  though  he  would  like  to  fall 
off  to  sleep  once  more. 

"  That's  for  you  to  decide,"  said  the  Tid- 
dledywinks,  impatiently. 


182  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  Oh,  very  well,  the  prize  will  go  to — er — 
by  the  way,  what  is  the  prize  ? "  he  said, 
turning  wearily  to  the  Red  Tiddledywink. 

"  A  piece  of  blue  ribbon,"  was  the  answer. 

"Very  well,"  said  the  Owl.  "All  right. 
Give  it  to  the  Blue  Tiddledywink." 

"  He  didn't  win  the  match,"  cried  Reddy, 
indignantly.  "  He  wasn't  half  asleep." 

11  That's  all  right,"  said  the  Owl,  opening 
his  eyes  wide  and  glaring  at  Reddy.  "  He 
may  not  have  won  the  match  but  he  did  far 
better.  He's  won  the  prize." 

"But  why?"  cried  Greeney  in  despair. 
"It  isn't  fair — it  isn't  fair.  I  was  asleep  the 
first." 

"That  maybe  too,"  said  the  Owl,  gravely 
— "  indeed,  I  do  not  doubt  for  one  moment 
that  it  is  so — but  the  Blue  Tiddledywink  gets 
the  blue  ribbon  because — it  matches  him  and 
I'm  here  to  award  prizes  according  to  the 
match." 

The  Blue  Tiddledywink  laughed,  but  he 
was  too  honest  to  keep  the  prize  he  hadn't 
won,  so  when  the  Owl  handed  him  the  ribbon 
he  turned  to  Greeney  and  Reddy  and,  after 
a  moment's  whispering  with'  them,  clam- 


THE  ATHLETIC  SPORTS  BEGIN.  183 

bered  over  the  edge  of  the  platform  and, 
making  his  way  across  the  halj  to  where  Jim- 
mieboy  sat,  pinned  the  ribbon  on  the  little 
fellow's  dress  right  over  his  heart. 

Then  all  the  audience  stood  up  and  cheered 
and  called  upon  Jimmieboy  for  a  speech,  but 
he  was  too  much  overcome  to  do  anything  more 
than  rise  up  in  his  chair  and  kiss  his  hand  to 
the  audience  and  bow  half  a  dozen  times,  and 
then  sit  down  again.  When  he  had  done 
this  the  Canary  Band  played  some  music,  at 
the  conclusion  of  which  the  Owl  fell  off  to 
sleep  again  and  the  Monkey-on-a-Stick  leaped 
up  on  the  platform  to  give  his  Exhibition 
Jump. 

It  was  very  strange  about  this. 

Jimmieboy  had  seen  the  Monkey-on-a-Stick 
jump  nearly  every  day  since  the  last  Christ- 
mas, when  he  had  found  him  along  with  sev- 
eral pieces  of  candy  and  some  other  things  in 
the  stocking  which  Santa  Claus  had  left  him, 
but  never  had  he  seen  him  jump  so  high  or  so 
well  as  he  did  on  this  occasion.  The  Monkey 
started  from  the  bottom  of  the  stick  and  shot 
off  into  the  air  until  he  touched  the  ceiling 
with  his  hands,  and  then  he  drew  his  legs 


1 84  TIDfiLEDYWINK  TALES. 

up  and  tapped  the  ceiling  with  his  feet 
before  he  camp  down.  Then  he  slid  to 
the  ground  and  with  a  single  spring  went 
way  over  to  the  back  of  the  hall,  where 
he  landed  on  his  head,  springing  immediately 
back  again  to  the  platform  and  spinning 
round  and  round  upon  his  outstretched 
tail  until  Jimmieboy  and  the  other  guests  had 
to  tell  him  to  stop,  it  made  them  so  dizzy. 
Then  the  Monkey  gave  one  more  leap — his 
broad  leap,  he  called  it — springing  from  his 
place  on  the  platform  and  never  touching 
ground  again  until  he  had  circled  the  hall 
eight  and  a  half  times,  which  brought  him 
directly  over  his  seat,  into  which  he  dropped. 
It  was  marvellous,  the  skill  with  which  the 
Monkey  jumped,  and  the  hall  fairly  echoed 
with  cheers  at  the  conclusion  of  his  perform- 
ance. The  cheers,  as  was  natural,  once  more 
awakened  the  Owl,  who  strutted  proudly  over 
to  the  table  upon  which  the  prizes  lay,  and 
selected  the  medal  which  had  been  made  for 
the  Monkey  as  a  testimonial  of  regard  and  a 
tribute  to  his  greatness.  Having  done  this, 
the  Owl  held  up  his  claw  to  enjoin  silence 
and  then  he  said  ; 


THE  ATHLETIC  SPORTS  BEGIN.  185 

"  This  time  I  shall  make  no  mistake.  The 
tremendous  satisfaction  which  attended  the 
presentation  of  the  Blue  Ribbon  to  our  friend 
Jimmieboy  convinces  me  that  it  is  to  him  the 
prizes  should  go,  and  as  a  token  of  our  admi- 
ration of  the  Monkey-on-a-S tick's  marvellous 
jumping  powers  and  with  our  thanks  to  him 
for  his  delightful  exhibition,  I  now  present 
this  medal  to  Jimmieboy." 

"  No — no/'  cried  the  Tiddledywinks  to  the 
Owl  in  an  excited  whisper.  "  Give  it  to  the 
Monkey." 

''There  is  no  pleasing  you  people,"  said  the 
Owl  gruffly,  glaring  at  everybody,  which  with 
his  big  eyes  was  quite  the  easiest  thing  he 
could  do. 

"  Let  Jimmieboy  have  it,"  called  the 
Monkey.  "  I  don't  care." 

But  he  did  care,  for,  as  Jimmieboy  could 
very  well  see,  a  great  big  tear  came  out  of  his 
eye  and  trickled  down  his  nose — for  the 
medal  was  a  very  pretty  one.  The  Owl  would 
have  said  it  was  only  perspiration,  probably, 
but  Jimmieboy  knew  tears  when  he  saw  them. 
He  had  seen  so  many. 

"Yes,"  said  Jimmieboy,  rising  and   taking 


1 86  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

the  medal  from  the  Owl,  "let  me  have  it. 
Then  I,"  he  added,  suiting  the  action  to  the 
word,  /'then  I  can  give  it  to  the  Monkey 
myself,  for  he  deserves  it  and  I  mean  that  he 
shall  have  it." 

This  was  quite  as  pleasing  to  the  audience 
as  anything  that  had  happened,  and  the 
cheering  and  hand  clapping  that  followed  was 
so  deafening  that  no  one  heard  the  Owl,  who 
was  snoring  away  once  more  as  if  his  life 
depended  on  it. 

"  Now  for  the  Thinking  Match,"  said 
Blackey  as  the  Tiddledywink  Thinkers  came 
out  on  the  platform.  "  Keep  your  eye  on 
Whitey,  because  he  is  the  greatest  Thinker 
going.  You  can  hardly  tell  his  thoughts 
from  real  ones." 


XVII. 

JIMMIEBOY    ACTS    AS    JUDGE. 

THE  Thinking  Match  didn't  seem  to  Jim- 
mieboy  to  be  very  interesting  at  first. 
He  couldn't  tell  which  was  ahead,  or  what 
any  of  them  were  thinking  about,  and  alto- 
gether the  contest  struck  him  as  being  unusu- 
ally stupid,  and  he  almost  wished  the  Owl 
would  wake  up  and  be  outrageous  for  a  few 
minutes,  or  that  the  Mangatoo  might  come 
along  and  be  disagreeable.  Blackey,  as  a 
poet,  was  of  course  very  much  absorbed  in 
what  was  going  on  on  the  platform,  and  had 
ceased  his  rhyming  prattle  for  the  moment, 
and  for  the  first  time  since  he  had  come  to 


1 88  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

Tiddledywink-land  Jimmieboy  was  beginning 
to  wish  he  was  somewhere  else. 

"  I  say,  Blackey,"  he  said,  after  waiting  for 
something  to  happen  as  long  as  he  was  able 
to  stand  the  quiet,  "  don't  these  finkers  have 
anyfing  like  wiffmetic  to  make  the  wace 
exciting?" 

"  No  indeed,"  returned  Blackey.  "  They 
don't  need  it — it's  exciting  enough  as  it  is,  for 
you  know  thinking  is  against  the  law,  and  if 
the  police  were  to  hear  of  it — phe-e-eee-ew  !  " 
—this  last  was  a  long,  low  whistle  which 
made  Jimmieboy  shudder  to  think  of 
what  might  take  place  if  the  police  should 
happen  in  at  that  moment  and  catch  the  Tid- 
dledywinks  deep  in  thought. 

"  What  would  they  do?"  he  whispered. 
''  What  would  the  police  do  if  they  should 
catch  them  finking?" 

"  They'd  take  'em  by  their  legs,"  said 
Blackey,  "and  turn  'em  heel  side  up  and 
shake  all  the  thoughts  right  out  of  'em,  and 
then  when  they'd  seen  what  kind  of  thoughts 
they  were,  they'd  have  'em  punished  accord- 
ingly. If  they  were  ill-natured  thoughts  they'd 
fine  'em  twenty-five  verbenas  apiece.  If  they 


JIMMIEBO  Y  ACTS  AS  JUDGE.  189 

were  funny  thoughts .  and  could  make  the 
judge  laugh  they'd  get  off  with  a  good  scold- 
ing." 

"  But  why  did  you  people  ever  make  such 
a  funny  law  as  that — to  keep  people  from 
finking?"  asked  Jimmieboy.  "I  don't  see 
any  weason  for  a  law  yike  that." 

"  Oh,  we  had  to  have  it,"  returned  Blackey. 
"  It  was  the  only  way  we  could  make  thinking 
exciting  and  we've  found  that  lots  of  people 
who  never  thought  of  thinking  before  there 
was  a  law  against  it,  don't  do  anything  else 


now." 


"Are  many  people  arwested  for  it  here?" 
asked  Jimmieboy. 

"  No ;  it's  pretty  hard  to  find  out  whether 
one  is  guilty,  you  know,"  said  Blackey, 
calmly.  "  It's  very  hard  to  get  witnesses  who 
can  be  at  all  sure  that  he  has  seen  a  Tiddledy- 
wink  thinking.  You  might  look  very 
thoughtful,  you  know,  and  yet  not  have  an 
idea  in  your  head,  in  fact,"  Blackey  added, 
"  that's  the  way  with  most  people.  You 
never  can  judge  by  appearances — I  never  do. 
I  make  it  a  rule  to  judge  by  disappearances. 
For  instance,  a  man  may  look  as  if  he'd  take 


190  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

a  piece  of  cake  that  wasn't  his,  but  it  would  be 
very  wrong  to  make  up  your  mind  that  he'd 
do  it  just  because  he  looked  that  way  ;  but  if 
the  cake  and  the  man  disappear — all  at  the 
same  time,  you  know— 

"  I  see,"  said  Jimmieby.  "  I'll  have  to  we- 
commember  that.  And  do  you  know  I  am  so 
glad  you  told  me  about  the  law — I  wecommem- 
ber  now,  Gweeney  told  about  it  before,  but  I 
had  forgotten — it  makes  the  wace  ever  so  much 
more  exciting.  It's  a  sort  of  wace  between  the 
Widdledywinks  and  the  police — I  wish  the 
police  would — no,  I  don't  either,"  he  added, 
hastily.  He  was  going  to  say  he  hoped  the 
police  would  come  just  for  the  excitement 
of  it,  but  when  he  thought  of  what  might 
happen  if  they  did,  he  changed  his  mind. 

"  Why  of  course  they'll  come,"  laughed 
Blackey.  "  How  else  are  we  to  decide  who's 
champion  ?  You  don't  suppose  we'd  leave  it 
to  that  sleepy  old  Owl  to  decide,  do  you  ?" 

"  I  didn't  know,"  said  Jimmieboy,  meekly. 
"  I  s'posed  he  was  judge  of  everyfing." 

"  Ho  !  "  jeered  Blackey.  "Just  the  oppo- 
site. He  isn't  judge  of  anything.  Why,  he 
couldn't  tell  you  whether  it  was  raining  or 


JIMMIEBO  Y  ACTS  AS  JUDGE.  191 

not  if  he  was  out  in  a  thunder-storm  without 
a  water-proof  on." 

"  He  is  s'posed  to  be  a  very  wise  Owl," 
said  Jimmieboy.  "  My  papa  finks  he's  just 
stuffed  with  wisdom." 

''Well,  he  isn't,"  said  Blackey,  confidently. 
"  It's  cotton  he  is  stuffed  with  and  not  a  cent's 
worth  of  wisdom  in  the  whole  bird. 

'  He's  a  wise  looking  bird — that  is  so, 

And  yet  I'm  quite  certain,  my  dear, 
That  the  creature  enough  doesn't  know 
To  stay  out  of  doors  when  it's  clear.' 

"There  they  are  now,"  Blackey  added,  jump- 
ing up  and  down,  nervously. 

"  Who  !  "  asked  Jimmieboy. 

"  The  police — don't  you  hear  them  knock- 
ing?" 

And  Jimmieboy  listened,  and  sure  enough 
there  was  a  loud  knocking  going  on  at  the 
door,  which  was  immediately  opened,  and 
through  it  came  a  long  line  of  policemen. 
They  looked  to  Jimmieboy  very  much  like  the 
small  worsted  nine-pins  his  papa  had  brought 
him  a  few  days  before,  dressed  up  in  police 
uniforms,  but  he  wasn't  quite  certain  enough 


1 92  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

on  this  point  to  warrant  him  in  going  over  to 
intercede  for  the  Tiddledywinks,  who  were 
apparently  very  nervous  now  that  the  police 
had  arrived. 

"  What's  going  on  here?"  asked  the  Cap- 
tain of  the  Police,  eyeing  Jimmieboy  sternly. 

"  It's  a  Fink—  "  began  Jimmieboy. 

"  Hush,"  whispered  Blackey,  "  don't  give  it 
away.  Tell  him  the  Monkey  has  just  been 
giving  an  Exhibition  Jump." 

"  The  Monkey-on-a-Stick  has  been  jump- 
ing," stammered  Jimmieboy.  "  And  we've 
had  a  Sleeping.  Match,  too." 

"  It  looks  to  me  as  if  somebody  had  been 
thinking  around  here,"  said  the  Captain,  sus- 
piciously, walking  over  to  the  platform  where 
the  contestants  stood  cowering  before  him— 
all  except  the  Yellow  and  Green  Tiddledy- 
winks who  had  climbed' out  of  the  window. 

"  'Twasn't  me,"  said  the  Blue  Tiddledy- 
wink. 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  Owl,  waking  up  at 
this  moment.  "  If  it  wasn't  you,  you  aren't 
in  the  race  at  all." 

"  Nobody'd  ever  arrest  you  for  thinking," 
sneered  the  Captain,  giving  the  Owl  a  poke 


J1MMIEBO  Y  ACTS  AS  J UDGE.  1 93 

with  his  club.  "  I'm  sure  now  that  one  of 
you  fellows  has  been  violating  the  law. 
What  the  Owl  says  convinces  me  that  you 
have  been  having  a  Thinking  Match.  Now 
which  one  of  you  is  guilty?  What  do  you 
think,  Recldy  ?  " 

"  I  don't  think,"  returned  Reddy. 

"  That  leaves  the  race  between  my  brother 
and  Whitey,"  whispered  the  Black  Tiddledy- 
wink.  "  The  Yellow  and  Green  Tiddledy- 
winks  have  run  away  and  Bluey  and  Reddy 
have  denied  that  they  think.  Now,  let's  see 
who'll  win." 

"  Then  it's  one  of  you  two,"  continued  the 
policeman,  grabbing  Blackey's  brother  and 
Whitey  by  their  arms.  "  Which  is  it  ? 
Quick  !  Tell  me." 

"  I  think  you  ought  to  decide  that  for  your- 
self," said  Blackey's  brother.  "  That's  what 
you  are  paid  for." 

"Oh  indeed,"  retorted  the  Policeman. 
"  You  think  that,  do  you  ?  Well,  just  let  me 
tell  you  that's  no  kind  of  a  thought,  so  it's  very 
evident  you  haven't  been  thinking.  That 
only  leaves  you,  Whitey.  How  is  it,  eh  ?  I 
fancy  you're  guilty,  eh  ?  " 


194  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

11  I  think  perhaps  you're  right,"  returned 
Whitey. 

At  this  the  audience  cheered  and  it  was 
plain  that  the  Policeman  considered  the 
expression  as  evidence  of  a  thought  of  the 
most  thoughtful  kind,  for  the  next  minute 
Whitey  was  placed  under  arrest.  Then  the 
cheering  became  uproarious  for  this  settled 
the  point.  Whitey  had  won  the  contest. 

"  Now  do  you  understand  Thinking 
Matches  ?"  asked  Blackey,  when  the  cheering 
had  quieted  down. 

"  Oh  yes — who  ever  gets  arwested  wins," 
said  Jimmieboy. 

"  Exactly,"  said  Blackey. 

"  S'pose  two  get  arwested  ?" 

"  Then  it's  a  tie,"  explained  Blackey.  ll  But 
hi  there,"  he  cried,  springing  to  his  feet  and 
shouting  to  the  Owl.  "  What  are  you  doing 
with  that  medal  ?  That's  Whitey's." 

"  Silence!"  said  the  Owl  gravely.  "I  am 
here  to  award  the  medals  to  the  proper 
people.  Now  I'm  going  to  give  this  medal 
for  the  Thinking  Match  to  the  Policeman." 

"  But  he  is  not  the  proper  one,"  cried 
Blackey. 


JIMMIEBO  Y  ACTS  AS  JUDGE.  195 

"  That  poet  over  there  says  you  are  not  a 
proper  person,  Mr.  Policeman,"  said  the  Owl. 
"  I  wouldn't  stand  that  if  I  were  you." 

The  Policeman,  paying  no  attention  to  this 
remark,  the  Owl  continued,  addressing  his 
audience: 

"  But  Dolls,  Tiddledywinks  and  Jimmieboy, 
I  must  explain  to  you  why  I  award  the  prize 
to  the  Policeman.  It  belongs  to  Whitey,  of 
course,  but  you  know  what  Policemen  are.  If 
I  give  this  prize  to  Whitey,  the  Policeman 
will  take  it  away  from  him.  If  I  keep  it  my- 
self, he'll  take  it  away  from  me.  Now  the 
only  way  to  keep  the  Policeman  from  doing  a 
wrong  thing  is  to  give  him  this  medal,  which 
I  now  do  with  the  thanks  and  cordial  appre- 
ciation of  this  gathering  for  his  assistance  and 
in  the  hope  that  he  will  speedily  depart  and 
not  return  until  he  is  sent  for — which  in  my 
opinion  will  be  forty-six  weeks  after  never." 

"  That  settles  you,"  said  the  Policeman. 
"  I'll  swap  my  prisoner  for  you  and  give 
Whitey  the  medal  besides.  Come  along,"  he 
added,  releasing  Whitey. and  seizing  the  Owl 
by  the  wing. 

"  Too-whoo-  too-whoo-  too-whoom  are  you 


196  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

speaking?"  screeched  the  Owl,  as  Jimmie- 
boy  and  the  audience  howled  with  laughter 
and  delight  at  the  turn  affairs  had  taken  ;  and 
Blackey — so  excited  that  he  dropped  into 
rhyme — cried  out  : 

"  O  really  this  is  lovely  quite, 

It  makes  me  shriek  with  glee — 
To  note  the  Owl  in  this  plight 
Is  pleasing  unto  me. 

"  He's  such  a  wild  outrageous  way, 

We  have  small  use  for  him — 
And  hence  it  is  he  finds  to-day 
Our  sympathy  is  slim. 

"  And  with  one  voice  we  all  do  cry — 

And  spice  it  with  a  grin- 
On  Copper  grab  this  fowl  sly, 
And  then  O  run  him  in." 

"Run  him  in?"  echoed  the  Policeman. 
"  Well,  I  guess  I  will  run  him  in.  Move 
along  here." 

"  But  I  haven't  done  anything,"  said  the 
Owl. 

"  I  know  you  haven't,"  retorted  the  Police- 
man. "  But  laziness  is  more  of  a  crime  than 
thinking,  and  you  seem  to  be  the  more  import- 


JIMMIEBO  Y  ACTS  AS  JUDGE.  197 

ant  prisoner  of  the  two.      I'll  let  Whitey  off 
this  time  but  you  must  go  with  me." 

And  so  the  Policeman  walked  off  with  the 
Owl,  and  the  Tiddledywinks  and  their  guests 
with  a  sigh  of  relief  settled  back  in  their 
chairs  to  listen  to  the  Joke  Match,  in  which 
Reddy  was  ,to  compete  against  Blackey— 
Reddy  having  to  make  a  joke  twice  as  often 
as  Blackey  made  a  funny  verse. 

Much  to  his  embarrassment  Jimmieboy  was 
made  judge  of  this  event.  He  didn't  want  to 
take  the  Owl's  place  because  he  could  see"  it 
was  a  very  thankless  position,  and  that  even  the 
Owl,  wise  as  he  had  supposed  him  to  be,  was 
unable  to  award  the  prizes  to  the  satis- 
faction of  the  Tiddledywinks.  But  Blackey 
and  Reddy  insisted  that  he  should  serve, 
because,  as  Reddy  said,  there  were  very 
few  people  who  could  like  poetry  and  under- 
stand jokes  all  at  once  ;  and,  he  said,  he 
thought  Jimmieboy  was  just  the  kind  of  per- 
son to  have  the  fine  quality  which  would 
make  of  him  a  good  judge  in  a  contest  of 
that  sort,  and  he  was  willing  to  submit  to  Jim- 
mieboy's  decision  in  the  matter.  Blackey 
said  practically  the  same  thing,  although  he 


198  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

put  it  differently — intimating  that  because 
one  could  understand  a  joke  was  no  reason 
for  supposing  he  could  not  appreciate  a  good 
poem  and  so  forth.  So  Jimmieboy  consented, 
the  bell  rang,  and  the  contest  began. 
Blackey  opened  with  this  rhyme: 

"  O  let  me  have  a  chicken  bone 
Out  on  our  old  front  stoop, 
A  razor  and  a  six  inch  hone 
And  I  will  make  some  soup." 

"  If  a  small  chestnut  cheers  'til  his  voice  is 
husky,  is  he  a  hoarse-chestnut?  If  I  should 
bury  my  watch  in  the  ocean,  would  it  be  a 
Waterbury  watch  ? "  responded  Reddy  with- 
out hesitation. 

Jimmieboy  laughed  and  looked  toward 
Blackey,  to  see  what  he  would  do,  and 
Blackey  was  ready. 

"Here's  averse  on  Unselfishness,"  Blackey 
said. 

"  I  clambered  up  the  mountain  side, 
And  sat  high  in  a  tree — 
The  view  was  fine  and  very  wide, 
But  suddenly  I  sorely  cried 
To  think,  no  matter  how  it  tried, 
The  view  could  not  see  me." 


JIMMIEBO  Y  ACTS  AS  JUDGE.  199 

The  audience  applauded  very  heartily  as 
Blackey  sat  down  after  this,  and  perhaps  it 
was  just  as  well  it  did  for  Reddy's  sake,  for 
he  too  was  so  full  of  admiration  for  Blackey's 
sentiment  that  he  wasn't  quite  ready  with  his 
two  jokes.  But  the  applause  gave  him  the 
time  he  needed  and  the  moment  it  stopped 
he  blurted  out  : 

"  '  I'm  not  fond  of  currents',  as  the  crab  said 
when  the  undertow  caught  him  and  swept 
him  out  to  sea.  '  Where's  the  cat,'  asked 
Willie.  '  With  his  paws,'  returned  smart 
little  Jennie,  aged  two  years  and  seven 
months." 

Jimmieboy  joined  in  the  general  laugh  that 
followed  these  jokes  and  then  Blackey  stepped 
forward  and  recited  these  lines : 

"  If  all  the  land  were  apple  pie, 

The  sea  all  custard  cup, 
I  rather  think,  my  friends,  that  I 
Would  eat  the  Twirler  up." 

"Who  wouldn't?"  cried  Jimmieboy  enthu- 
siastically, for  he  did  like  apple  pie  and  custard 
cup. 

"  I  wouldn't,"  said   Reddy,  coming  forward. 


200  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"That's  one  joke/'  he  added,  "because  I 
would,  you  know." 

"  That's  good,"  said  Blackey  smiling. 
"  Count  it  in  Jimmieboy,  and  let's  have  the 
other,  Reddy." 

"  '  Oh  dear  ! '  "  Reddy  began,  "  '  Oh  dear, ' 
said  the  man  who  fell  out  of  the  balloon. 
'  What  shall  I  do  ?  '  '  Keep  on  tumbling  'til 
you  stop,'  said  the  eagle.  '  It's  all  you  can  do. ' 

"  That's  the  best  yet,"  said  the  Monkey-on 
a-Stick,  pounding  with  his  stick  on  the  floor. 
"  There's  not  only  humor  but  pathos  and  phi- 
losophy in  that  joke." 

"  Here's  a  small  boy  poem,"  said  Blackey, 
when  quiet  had  been  restored, 

"  I'm  sorry  for  the  birdies  in  the  tree  !  " 
To  me  one  day  from  upstairs  Tommy  cried  down. 
'  Pray  tell  me  why  ? '     I  asked  of  him  and  he 
Replied,  '  they  have  no  bannisters  to  slide  down  ! ' ' 

"  Why  is  a  cent  like  a  snake  ?  "  asked  Reddy, 
rising  immediately. 

"Give  it  up,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"  Because  it's  all  head  and  tail,"  returned 
Reddy.  Then  he  added  :  '  "  Why  was  that 
old  Owl  we  had  here  a  little  while  ago  like  a 
donkey?" 


JIMMIEBO  Y  ACTS  AS  JUDGE.  201 

"  Don't  know,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "  I'm  not 
good  on  widdles,  you  know." 

"  Because  he  couldn't  help  himsel — "  Red- 
dy  began  and  then  he  was  interrupted. 

"  ALL  ABOARD  FOR  THE  BALL,"  cried  the  voice 
Jimmieboy  had  heard  at  the  gate  of  the  build- 
ing, when  he  had  entered.  "  STEP  LIVELY. 
ALL  ABOARD." 

"  Come  along  quick  or  we'll  be  left,"  called 
Greeney,  grasping  Jimmieboy  by  the  hand 
and  pulling  him  along,  for  every  one  else  in 
the  room  had  started. 

"  But  the  match — "  Jimmieboy  cried. 

"  Oh,  we  never  wait  for  the  end  of  matches 
between  Blackey  and  Reddy,"  said  Greeney. 
"  We  couldn't,  you  know,  for  they'd  never  fin- 
ish." 

"  But  who  gets  the  pwize  ?" 

"  You  keep  that  yourself,"  said  the  Tiddledy- 
wink,  boosting  Jimmieboy  on  board  of  a  train 
that  stood  at  the  door,  on  every  car  of  which 
was  painted,  in  large  red  letters  : 

THE   JIMMIEBOY    AND     TIDDLEDYWINK    CENTRAL 
RAILWAY    COMPANY. 

"  It  seems  to  me  nobody  who  wins  a  pwize 


202 


TJDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 


in  your  sports  ever  gets  one,"  said  Jimmie- 
boy. 

"  That's  true,"  returned  the  Tiddledywink, 
"  But  they  get  the  glory,  and  the  prizes  don't 
amount  to  much.  Look  at  'em  to-morrow," 
he  added,  significantly,  "  and  you'll  see." 

And  then  the  train  drew  out  of  the  station 
with  a  tremendous  puffing  of  smoke,  and  they 
were  all  on  their  way  to  the  Ball  to  be  given 
in  Jimmieboy's  honor  at  the  Blue  Tiddledy- 
wink's  house. 


XVIII. 

A  TRIP  ON  THE  J.  &  T.  C.  RAILWAY. 

TT7E  don't  seem  to  be  going  very  fast," 
VV  said  Jimmieboy  after  a  few  minutes. 

"  No,  this  isn't  one  of  our  fast  trains,  it's  one 
of  our  accommodation  trains,"  said  Greeney. 
"  You  see,"  he  added,  "  we  don't  any  of 
us  ever  use  the  fast  trains  because  they 
never  stop  anywhere.  It  costs  less  to  keep  a 
fast  train  running  than  it  does  to  have  it  stop 
at  places  and  then  start  up  again." 

"But  I  don't  see  exyactly,"  Jimmieboy  re- 
plied. "  I  don't  see  how  you  can  keep  a  fast 
twain  going  all  the  time.  It  must  get  to  the 
end  of  the  woad  sometime." 

"  Not  at  all,"   said  Greeney  with   a  smile, 


204  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

which  probably  meant  that  he  considered 
Jimmieboy  even  greener  than  himself.  "  The 
railroad  on  which  we  run  our  fast  trains  is 
built  in  the  form  of  a  circle,  and  the  express 
trains  just  go  round  and  round  and  round, 
never  stopping  anywhere.  You  don't  seem  to 
think,  too,  that  if  a  fast  train  stopped  at  places 
it  wouldn't  be  fast  all  the  time.  It  would 
have  to  slow  up  to  stop,  and  if  you  have  ever 
travelled  any  you  probably  know  how  passen- 
gers grumble  when  a  fast  train  turns  into  a 
slow  one.  This  was  what  gave  the  railroad 
people  the  idea  of  not  stopping  anywhere— 
passengers  used  to  grumble  so  much,  and  now 
they  have  nothing  whatever  to  say." 

"  But  why  have  it  at  all  !  "  asked  Jimmieboy, 
"  that's  what  I  can't  unnerstand." 

"  Did  you  ever  hear  of  a  successful  railroad 
being  conducted  without  fast  trains?"  asked 
Greeney  surprised  at  Jimmieboy's  remark. 

"Can't  say  that  I  ever  did,"  Jimmieboy 
returned.  "  But — " 

"MUMPTYREETLEDOO,"  cried  the 
Brakeman,  pushing  the  door  wide  open  and 
sticking  his  head  into  the  car. 

"What  did  he  say?"  asked  Jimmieboy. 


A   TRIP  ON  THE  /.  &-   T.  C.  RAIL  WA  Y.      205 


said,  'All  out  for  Tenpinville.'  This 
is  where  the  tenpins  come  from,"  returned 
Greeney. 

"  I  didn't  fink  that  was  what  he  said," 
returned  Jimmieboy.  "  It  sounded  more  yike 
Wumptyteedletoo." 

"  It  does  sound  that  way  when  the  Brake- 
man  says  it  but  that's  the  way  Brakemen  talk, 
you  know,  and  if  we  know  what  they  mean 
what  difference  does  it  make?"  replied 
Greeney. 

"  Well,  s'pose  you  don't  know  what  they 
mean?"  Jimmieboy  asked. 

"  Then  you  ought  not  to  travel,  because 
something  would  be  sure  to  happen  to  you," 
answered  Greeney.  "  I  think  people  travel 
too  young  nowadays  anyhow.  This  is  a 
pretty  place  isn't  it?" 

"  Yes,"  said  Jimmieboy,  looking  out  of  the 
window  at  the  broad  and  beautiful  fields 
dotted  all  over  with  daisies  and  poppies. 
"  But  why  don't  we  go  on  to  the  station 
instead  of  stopping  wight  in  the  middle  of  this 
field?" 

"What  queer  questions  you  ask,"  said 
Greeney,  eying  Jimmieboy  narrowly  as 


2o6  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

though  wondering  whether  or  not  his  little 
guest  was  in  his  right  mind.  "  What  is  the 
use  of  stopping  at  stations  when  nine  tenths 
of  the  people  on  the  trains  want  to  be  let  out 
in  the  fields?  The  only  way  to  get  along 
with  the  travelling  public  is  to  let  'em  have 
their  own  way  if  you  can  find  out  what  that 


is." 


"That  is  all  wight,"  said  Jimmieboy.  He 
could  see  plenty  of  reason  in  that.  "  But 
why  do  the  people  want  to  get  out  in  the 
field?" 

"  For  a  very  simple  reason,"  returned 
Greeney.  "  Because  it's  nearer  home.  I 
guess  you've  been  a  home  boy  rather  than  a 
traveller.  If  you  hadn't  you  would  know 
that  railway  stations  are  always  put  as  far 
away  from  people's  homes  as  possible  because 
they  are  noisy  places  as  a  rule  and  often  not 
pleasant  to  look.  at.  In  nearly  every  case 
there  is  a  vacant  lot  or  a  field  somewhere  which 
is  nearer  the  homes  of  the  greatest  number  of 
passengers  than  the  station  is,  so  here  when 
the  conductor  goes  through  the  car  and  takes 
up  the  tickets  he  gets  the  address  of  every 
passenger  and  stops  as  near  the  homes  of  all 


A   TRIP  ON  THE  /.  6-   T.  C.  RAIL  IV A  Y.      207 

at  once  as  he  can  get.  Now,  to-night  most  of 
the  people  live  near  this  field.  To-morrow 
night  most  of  the  people  may  live  near  that 
cornfield  you  see  a  mile  up  the  track,  and 
then  the  train  will  stop  there.  See?" 

"I  fink  I  do,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "The  wail- 
woad  just  yikes  to  be  obliging." 

"  That's  the  very  point,"  returned  Greeney. 
"  You  can  see  some  things  after  all." 

"  It's  a  very  funny  fing  for  a  wailwoad  to  do 
that  though,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

Greeney  did  not  quite  know  whether  it  was 
the  system  of  stoppages  or  the  railroad's 
desire  to  be  obliging  that  Jimmieboy  consid- 
ered queer,  but  it  was  a  habit  of  his  to 
appear  at  least  to  understand  everything,  and 
he  accordingly  asked  no  questions  but  sim- 
ply observed  that  that  was  so. 

"What  do  they  do  with  the  stations?" 
asked  Jimmieboy.  "There's  no  use  having 
'em  if  they  don't  use  'em,  is  there?" 

"  Oh,  yes  indeed,"  said  Greeney.  They 
rent  'em  out  to  people,  make  hotels  of  'em, 
use  'em  for  stores,  hospitals  or  anything  else 
a  house  could  be  used  for.  If  every  railroad 
did  that  they'd  make  more  money." 


208  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  I  don't  notice  anybody  getting  out  here," 
Jimmieboy  said  in  a  little  while,  after  he  had 
thought  very  deeply  on  the  queer  way  trains 
in  Tiddledywink-land  were  run. 

"  No.  That's  a  strange  thing  about  Ten- 
pinville,"  explained  Greeney.  "  Nobody  ever 
comes  here.  It's  only  a  place  to  come  from, 
not  to  go  to.  That's  why  the  Tenpins  came 
from  it." 

"  Don't  the  place  ever  get  emptied  out?" 
asked  Jimmieboy. 

"  Nope,"  returned  Greeney.  "  Never. 
There's  no  end  to  the  Tenpins,  and  I  don't 
believe  there  ever  will  be." 

"It  seems  to  me,"  Jimmieboy  put  in,  "it 
seems  to  me  that  if  I  lived  in  as  pyitty  a 
place  as  this  I'd  want  to  come  back  again." 

"  So  would  I,"  replied  Greeney.  "  But  you 
know  the  Tenpins  all  -have  solid  wooden 
heads — block-heads  some  people  call  'em— 
and  whenever  you  find  anything  or  anybody 
with  a  solid  wooden  head  you  find  they  lack 
good  sense.  You  can't  get  sense  into  a  Ten- 
pin.  If  you  could  they  wouldn't  stand  up  be- 
fore a  big  heavy  ball  just  to  be  knocked 
down  again." 


A  TRIP  ON  THE  J,  &>  T.  C.  RAIL  WA  Y.     209 

"There's  a  good  deal  in  that,"  said  Jimmie- 
boy.  "  I  suppose  they'd  yike  to  have  sense, 
too,  if  they  could  find  woom  for  it.  Why 
don't  they  have  hollow  heads  so  that  they 
could  get  sense  into  them  ?  " 

"Why  don't  cows  have  wings?"  Greeney 
asked  suggestively. 

"  Because  they  can't — if  they  had  wings 
they  wouldn't  be  cows,"  replied  Jimmieboy. 
"But  what  has  that  got  to  do  with  it?"  he 
added. 

"  Tenpins  don't  have  hollow  heads  with 
room  in  'em  for  sense  because  they  can't,  and 
if  they  could  they  wouldn't  be  Tenpins,"  re- 
turned Greeney. 

"  Who'll  have  a  box  of  cough-drops  ;  fresh 
from  the  tree!  "  cried  a  trainboy,  entering  the 
car  and  passing  down  the  aisle.  "  Nice  fresh 
cough-drops." 

"  How  much  are  they  a  box  ?  "  asked  the  Cal- 
ico Santa  Claus,  whom  Jimmieboy  had  noticed 
a  few  minutes  before  seated  ahead  of  him. 

"We  give  'em  away,  sir,"  returned  the  boy. 
"  Nobody  would  ever  buy  them  so  we  decided 
the  only  way  to  do  was  to  give  'em  away." 

"  I  don't  want  'em,  then,"  said  Santa  Claus, 


212  TIDDLEDYW1NK  TALES. 

as  I  told  you  before  every  time  he  calls  that 
out  the  travellers  know  just  where  they  are." 

•'  Well,  I  don't  see  the  sense  of  calling  out 
anyfing,"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"  I  am  afraid  we  shall  have  to  get  spectacles 
for  you,"  said  the  Green  Tiddledywink  sadly. 
"There  is  so  much  that  you  don't  see.  If 
the  Brakeman  didn't  cry  out  Mumptyreetle- 
doo,  how  would  we  ever  know  he  was  on  the 
train  or  if  he  was  on  the  train  that  he  wasn't 
asleep  ?" 

"Ah!  That's  it,  is  it?"  said  Jimmieboy. 
"  And  I  s'pose  we  stopped  in  the  back 
yard  of  that  Doll's  House  because  the  Doll 
who  lives  in  it  was  the  only  person  who 
wanted  to  get  off  ?  " 

"  Not  a  bit  of  it.  That  house  wasn't  occu- 
pied. Nobody  lives  there,"  returned  Greeney. 

"  Then  why  did  we  stop  there,"  Jimmieboy 
insisted. 

"  Because  nobody  wanted  to  get  off,"  re- 
turned Greeney.  "That's  simple  enough, 
isn't  it?" 

To  this  Jimmieboy  made  no  answer.  He 
really  couldn't  think  of  anything  to  say,  so  he 
just  leaned  back  in  his  seat  as  the  train  started 


A   TRIP  ON  THE  J.  &*   T.  C.  RAILWAY.      213 

up  again  and  looked  out  of  the  window. 
And  so  they  travelled  on  in  silence  to  Mar- 
bleburg,  where  there  was  a  band  of  Agates  at 
the  station  to  serenade  Jimmieboy  as  he 
passed  through,  at  the  head  of  which  he 
thought  he  saw  his  favorite  white  alley.  He 
really  wasn't  quite  sure  it  was  the  alley, 
because  evening  was  coming  on  and  it  was  get- 
ting quite  dark,  but  he  waved  his  handkerchief 
just  the  same  in  the  hope  that  if  it  was 
the  alley  he  would  see  it  and  would  be  glad 
of  the  attention — which  shows  how  much  the 
little  fellow  loved  his  toys. 

"  L  U  G  G  A  G  E,  please?  called  a  voice 
at  Jimmieboy's  side  as  the  train  moved  on. 

"  Give  him  your  luggage — quick,"  said 
Greeney.  "He  earns  forty  dollars  a  day 
and  his  time  is  valuable.  So  don't  keep  him 


waiting." 

o 


"  I  haven't  got  any  luggage — what's  lug- 
gage, anyhow?"  asked  Jimmieboy. 

"Bags  and  trunks,"  said  Greeney,  "and 
straps  and  hat  boxes  of  course.  Hurry  up 
and  give  them  to  him." 

"But  I  haven't  got  any,"  said  Jimmieboy 
again.  "  I  came  off  wivout  any." 


2i4  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  The  idea  of  travelling  without  luggage  !  " 
said  the  Rag-Baby  scornfully.  He  had  escaped 
from  the  Teeheelephant  and  boarded  the 
train  as  it  was  leaving  the  Athletic  grounds. 
"  Very  childish  performance  that." 
.  "  It's  against  the  rules  of  the  Company  to 
travel  without  luggage,"  said  the  man  who 
earned  forty  dollars  a  day.  "  Never  happened 
on  this  road  before,"  he  added.  "  I  don't 
know  what  to  do  about  it.  Perhaps  I  ought 
to  put  him  off." 

"  Yes,  you  ought,"  called  a  voice  from  the 
rear  which  Jimmieboy  immediately  recog- 
nized as  that  of  the  Mangatoo.  "And 
that's  just  why  you  won't." 

"  Never  mind  him,"  said  the  Conductor  to 
the  Luggageman.  "He's  all  right,  Jimmie- 
boy is.  Come  back  into  the  next  car  with 
me  and  help  me  put  one  of  the  passengers 
off." 

"  I  can't  do  it,"  said  the  Luggageman. 
"  I've  got  to  put  this  child  off  if  he  can't 
show  his  luggage." 

"  Put  somebody  else  off,"  yelled    the    Man- 
gatoo.    "  Won't  that  do?  " 

"  Yes,  it  will,"  returned  the  Luggageman. 


A   TRIP  ON  THE  J.  6-   T.  C.  RAILWAY.      215 

"  I  don't  care  who  is  put  off,  you  know,  but 
it's  got  to  be  somebody." 

"  Well,  I'll  tell  you  what  you  can  do,"  said 
the  Tin  Soldier  coming  up.  "  My  father 
lives  about  a  hundred  yards  from  here.  Sup- 
pose you  put  .me  off?  This  is  as  far  as  I  want 
to  go  anyhow." 

"That  suits  me,"  said  the  Luggageman, 
"but  maybe  Jimmieboy  would  rather  be  put 
off  himself.  How  is  that  ?  I  can't  deprive 
him  of  the  privilege  if  he  wants  to  go  himself." 

"  I'm  not  at  all  anxious,"  returned  Jimmie- 
boy. "  I  want  to  go  on  to  the  next  Wumpty- 
teedletoo." 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  Conductor,  pulling 
the  cord  and  stopping  the  train.  "We'll  put 
the  Tin  Soldier  off  and  then  we'll  go  back 
into  the  next  car  and  get  rid  of  that  other 
passenger  too." 

"What's  he  done?"  asked  Greeney. 

"  Got  a  cinder  in  his  eye,"  returned  the  Con- 
ductor, indignantly,  "  and  worse  yet  refuses  to 
give  it  up."  • 

"  How  dishonest,"  said  Santa  Claus,  hold- 
ing up  his  hands  in  horror.  "  The  idea  of 
anybody's  being  so  stubborn,  to  say  nothing 


216  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES, 

of  the  wrong  of  stealing  one  of  the  Com- 
pany's cinders  in  the  first  place.  He  ought 
to  be  put  off." 

So  the  Tin  Soldier  and  the  dishonest  pas- 
senger were  put  off  and  the  train  started  up 


again. 


"  You  had  a  narrow  escape,"  said  Greeney. 
"  If  you  had  been  put  off  there  it  would 
have  been  awful,  because  it  is  considered  a 
terrible  disgrace,  and  it's  really  never  done 
unless  you  violate  the  luggage  rules  or  try  to 
steal  the  Company's  property  as  the  man  with 
the—" 

"MUMPTYREETLEDO  O,"  called 
the  Brakeman.  "  All  out." 

"  Hurry  up  now,"  said  Greeney,  catching 
Jimmieboy  by  the  hand,  "or  the  train  will 
start  back  again  and  take  you  with  it.  This 
is  Snappertown  and  there  is  Bluey's  house  up 
on  the  hill." 

And  then  the  Green  Tiddledywink  and 
Jimmieboy  descended  from  the  train  followed 
by  the  Mangatoo,  the  Rag-baby,  the  Calico 
Santa  Claus  and  all  the  other  passengers, 
bound  for  the  Tiddledywink  ball. 

"  I  didn't  hear  the  Brakeman  call  Wump- 


A   TRIP  ON  THE  J.  &  T.  C.  RAILWAY.      217 

tyteedletoo    at    Marbleburg,"    said    Jimmie- 
boy. 

"No,  he  had  his  mouth  full  of  oyster  soup 
at  the  time.  He  ought  to  be  reprimanded 
too,"  returned  Greeney  as  they  started  up  the 
hill.  "  If  he  isn't,  there'll  be  an  accident 
some  day  and  somebody  will  be  carried  by 
his  station." 


XIX. 

THE   TIDDLEDYWINK    BALL. 

AS  they  drew  near  to  the  top  of  the  hill 
Jimmieboy  heard  the  buzz  of  hundreds 
of  voices  and  above  it  all  the  strains  of  the 
Grass  Band,  playing  a  grand  military  march. 

It  had  now  grown  quite  dark  and  the  only 
way  they  could  see  at  all  was  by  the  light  of 
the  Chinese  lanterns  that  were  hung  in  fes- 
toons in  every  direction,  and  Jimmieboy  won- 
dered for  a  minute  if  he  were  not  in  Fairyland  ; 
it  all  looked  so  beautiful. 

Bluey's  house  was  the  largest  and  finest  in 
all  Tiddledywink-land — or  at  least  it  so  ap- 
peared to  Jimmieboy. 

"  It's  puffictly  bee-utiful,"  he  exclaimed,  as 


THE  TIDDLED  Y  WINK  BALL.  219 

he  stood  on  the  outside  and  caught  its  out- 
line in  van-colored  lights  against  the  sky. 
"  And  dear,  dear,  dear,  what  a  view  he 
must  have  here." 

11  Oh,  yes,"  said  Greeney.  "  There  is  a 
fearful  view.  Why  from  Bluey's  back  piazza 
you  can  see  a  hundred  miles." 

"A  hundwed  miles?"  echoed  Jimmieboy. 
"  Why,  that  is  wonderful." 

"  That's  what  everybody  says,"  returned 
Greeney.  "  But  it's  true  just  the  same.  He 
can  see  way  down  to  Tenpinville,  and  that's 
fifty  miles." 

"  But  you  said  a  hundwed  miles  a  minute 
ago,"  replied  Jimmieboy. 

"  Well — that's  a  hundred  miles.  Fifty  there 
and  fifty  back.  A  view  isn't  a  bit  worth 
having  if  you  can't  see  your  way  back,"  vouch- 
safed Greeney. 

"  Has  Bluey  a  name  for  this  lubly 
home?"  Jimmieboy  asked,  gazing  about  him 
and  in  through  the  windows,  where  everything 
seemed  even  more  beautiful  than  it  did  out- 
side— which  was  quite  beautiful  enough,  Jim- 
mieboy thought. 

"Yes.     He    calls  it    Butterfly  Lodge,"  re- 


220  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

turned  Greeney.  "  Rather  pretty  name,  we 
think.  He  named  it  that  because  it  has  two 
wings.  Reddy  is  the  only  person  who  criti- 
cises the  name  and  I  guess  he  only  does  it  for 
the  joke." 

"What  does  he  want  it  called?"  asked 
Jimmieboy. 

"  Centipede  Castle,"  Greeney  answered,  his 
eyes  twinkling. 

"  What  for  ?"  queried  Jimmieboy. 

"  Because  it  has  a  hundred  feet  front,"  said 
Greeney  with  a  laugh  in  which  Jimmieboy 
joined. 

"  Weddy  never  forgets  his  joke,  does  he,"  he 
said. 

"  Sometimes,"  replied  Greeney.  "  He  has 
to,  you  know.  You  couldn't  expect  anything 
as  small  as  Reddy  to  remember  all  his  jokes; 
why  he's  cracked  millions  of  'em.  Some- 
times he  forgets  and  says  'em  a  second  time 
and  then  we  all  call  out  '  good  as  ever,'  and 
he  knows." 

"  What  does  he  say  when  you  catch  him 
up  on  an  old  joke?"  asked  Jimmieboy. 

"  Oh,  he  just  laughs  and  says  that  he  knew 
he'd  said  it  before  all  along  but  he  didn't 


THE  TIDDLED  Y  WINK  BALL.  22 1 

know  whether  we'd  heard  it  with  both  ears," 
returned  Greeney,  with  a  grin  the  ends  of 
which  nearly  met  on  the  back  of  his  neck, 
which  so  startled  Jimmieboy  that  he  did  not 
show  any  signs  of  mirth  himself. 

"He's  here,  he's  here,"  somebody  cried  at 
this  moment  and  the  front  door  of  Butterfly 
Lodge  was  thrown  open  and  a  vast  flood  of 
light  came  forth  from  within,  illuminating  the 
whole  surrounding  country  as  brilliantly  as 
though  it  were  mid-day. 

And  through  this  open  door  Jimmieboy 
entered  to  find  a  broad  hall-way  decorated 
with  every  variety  of  sweet  smelling  flowers, 
and  lined  from  end  to  end  with  Tiddledywinks 
in  gorgeous  cost'umes,  who  bowed  most  pro- 
foundly as  he  passed  on  to  the  reception  room 
at  the  rear.  So  gorgeously  were  the  Tiddledy- 
winks dressed  that  Jimmieboy  felt  somewhat 
anxious  about  his  own  clothes,  and  glancing 
nervously  down  at  his  costume  he  was  sur- 
prised to  note  that,  unknown  to  himself,  he 
was  apparelled  even  more  magnificently  than 
the  others. 

"  Where  did  these  clothes  come  from,"  he 
asked  of  Greeney  who  was  still  at  his  side. 


222  TIDDLEDYW1NK  TALES. 

"  Never  mind  that,"  returned  Greeney  with 
a  wink.  4<  That's  another  great  thing  about 
this  house  of  Bluey's.  If  you  came  in  here 
with  a  linen  duster  on  you'd  think  you  were 
wearing  a  velvet  robe  studded  with  diamonds." 

"  I  wish  I  hadn't  my  curl  papers  on,"  said 
Jimmieboy.  "Curl  papers  and  velvet  wobes 
don't  go  well  together." 

"  Why,  you  haven't  had  those  on  since  the 
Luggage-man  went  through  the  train.  He 
took  'em  while  you  weren't  looking.  You 
look  fine,"  returned  Greeney  and  as  he  spoke 
they  reached  the  door  of  the  Reception  room 
where  Jimmieboy  found  the  Blue  Tiddledy- 
wink  standing  to  receive  him. 

"  Welcome  to  Butterfly  Lodge,"  said  Bluey 
with  a  gracious  smile,  extending  his  hand 
which  Jimmieboy  grasped  and  squeezed.  "  I 
hope  you  were  not  tired  by  the  railway  jour- 
ney?" 

"  Tut,"  cried  the  Mangatoo,  who  had  fol- 
lowed Gr^eney  and  Jimmieboy  in.  ''Tired? 
By  that  journey  ?  " 

"  It's  a  pretty  long  journey,"  said  Bluey. 
"  Two  hundred  and  thirty  miles." 

"  Well,  what    of    it  ?  "   said    the  .  Mangatoo 


THE  TIDDLEDYWINK  BALL.  223 

scornfully.  ''There  were  two  hundred  and 
thirty  of  us  on  the  train.  That's  a  mile 
apiece.  A  mile  wouldn't  tire  a  wagon  wheel, 
much  less  a  big  fellow  like  Jimmieboy." 

"Where's  your  invitation  to  this  ball?" 
asked  one  of  the  Tenpin  policeman  coming 
up  and  tapping  the  Mangatoo  on  the  back. 

"  In  my  other  clothes,  of  course,"  said  the 
Mangatoo,  coolly  eying  the  policeman  from 
head  to  foot.  "  That's  where  I  always  carry 
papers  I  may  happen  to  want." 

li  You  can't  stay  here  if  you  haven't  one, 
you  know,"  returned  the  policeman. 

''Where's  yours  ?"  queried  the  Mangatoo: 

"  That's  neither  here  nor  there,"  began  the 
policeman. 

"  Then  it  isn't  anywhere,"  retorted  the 
Mangatoo.  "So  you'd  better  do  your  duty 
and  put  yourself  out.  I  only  came  here  to 
get  a  check  for  my  hat  anyhow." 

"  What  do  you  do  that  for  ?"  asked  Jimmie- 
boy. 

"  The  hat's  no  good — I  can't  sell  it  but  I 
might  be  able  to  cash  the  check,"  the  Man- 
gatoo answered.  "  I've  known  that  to  happen, 
you  know." 


224  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"It's  very  evident,"  said  Reddy,  with  a  sad 
smile,  "  that  you've  been  brought  up  on 
comic  papers." 

"That's  so,"  put  in  Jimmieboy,  "but  I 
rather  yike  the  Mangatoo.  I  wish  we  had 
birds  yike  him  up  our  way." 

"  My  grandfather  came  from  your  country," 
said  the  Mangatoo  gratefully.  "  They  call 
him  a  Loon  up  there — and  he  is  a  Loon  too. 
If  he  wasn't  he'd  pay  his  bill  and  get  rid  of 
it." 

"  You  have  many  of  his  qualities,"  said 
Bluey,  dryly,  and  then  turning  to  Jimmieboy 
he  added,  "  Come  along  and  I'll  introduce  you 
to  your  partner  for  the  opening  Quadrille." 

"  I'm  very  sorwy,"  Jimmieboy  began,  "but 
weally  Bluey,  I  don't  dance  at  all." 

"Oh,  that's  all  right,"  returned  Bluey. 
"  None  of  the  guests  dance,  it's  too  much  exer- 
tion for  them.  The  way  we  have  a  ball  we  sit 
quietly  in  big  comfortable  arm-chairs  on  a 
raised  step  running  all  about  the  ball  room, 
and  watch  our  hired  dancers  going  through 
the  Quadrilles  and  other  dances.  You'll 
find  it  is  by  far  the  pleasantest  way  of  dancing 
there  is — so  restful,  you  know.  Your  partner 


THE  TIDDLEDYWINK  BALL.  225 

for  the  Quadrille  is  the  Doll-Baby,  the  one 
that's  stuffed  with  sawdust.  You  remember 
her,  I  think?" 

"Oh  my,  yes.  I  wecommember  her  very 
well,"  said  Jimmieboy,  with  a  pleased  smile, 
for  the  Doll-Baby  and  he  had  been  famous 
friends  for  a  long  time.  "  There  she  is  now 
—am  I  to  sit  next  to  her?" 

''Yes,  until  the  Quadrille  is  over,  and  then 
you  are  to  have  Cinderella  for  the  waltz,"  re- 
turned Bluey,  as  they  reached  the  seat  set 
apart  for  Jimmieboy. 

"  How  do  you  do,"  said  the  Doll-Baby 
as  she  recognized  Jimmieboy.  "Glad  you've 


come." 


"So  am  I,"  said  Jimmieboy,  sinking  down 
into  the  deliciously  soft  cushions  of  the  arm- 
chair and  giving  a  tired  little  sigh — for  he  had 
had  so  many  experiences  since  he  arrived  in 
Tiddledywink-land  that  he  was  beginning  to 
feel  very  weary.  "  And  I'm  glad  to  see  you 
here.  Do  you  come  to  Widdledywink-lancl 
often?" 

"  No,  I  do  not,"  replied  the  Doll-Baby. 
"  I  don't  have  much  chance  to,  really.  Hav- 
ing so  much  tp  do  at  home,  looking  after  all 


226  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

my  little  brothers  and  sisters,  keeps  me  from 
visiting  here  as  much  as  I  should  like." 

"  Do  you  have  much  twouble  keeping  your 
bwovvers  and  sisters  in  order  ?"  Jimmieboy 
asked. 

"  Oh  dear,  yes,"  answered  the  Doll-Baby, 
"  particularly  those  Paper  Dolls.  They  are  so 
delicate,  you  know,  and  then  they  are  all  the 
time  tearing  their  clothes  or  going  too  near 
the  fire  or  doing  something  rash." 

"  I  guess  the  wubber  dolls  are  the  easiest  to 
take  care  of,  are  they  not?"  queried  Jimmie. 

"You'd  think  so.  They  are  so  strong,"  re- 
plied the  Doll-Baby,  "  but  really  they  are  not. 
One  of  them  fell  into  the  bath-tub,  for  in- 
stance, the  other  day,  and  lost  all  his  beautiful 
pink  cheeks;  and  a  pretty  blue  coat  I  had 
had  painted  on  him  was  simply  washed  out  of 
existence.  Then  you  remember  what  a  ter- 
rible time  we  had  with  the  Rubber  Soldier 
who  went  to  sleep  on  the  register  last  winter, 
and  had  his  uniform  and  left  leg  melted  right 
off!  It's  really  awfully  trying,  keeping  small 
dolls  out  of  mischief — by  the  way,  won't  you 
fix  these  pillows  on  my  chair  a  little  better  ? 
As  they  are  now  I  have  to  lean  way  back, 


THE  TIDDLEDY WINK  BALL.  227 

and  you  know  I  can't  keep  my  eyes  open 
when  I  do  that." 

Jimmieboy  did  as  he  was  requested  and 
assisted  the  Doll-Baby  in  maintaining  that 
upright  position  which  was  absolutely  nec- 
essary when  she  desired  to  keep  awake,  and 
then,  as  the  Grass  Band  started  up  playing 
the  Quadrille,  his  interest  turned  to  what  was 
going  on  on  the  floor. 

And  it  was  most  interesting  to  watch  a 
dozen  Turtles  dancing  a  Quadrille — so  much 
so,  in  fact,  that  Jimmieboy  was  intensely  sorry 
when  the  dance  came  to  an  end,  although  the 
excitement  of  it  was  prolonged  by  the  mishap 
to  a  young  micldle-aged  Turtle,  who  slipped 
on  the  glassy  floor  and  fell  over  on  his  back, 
so  that  he  could  not  rise  without  the  assist- 
ance of  eight  of  the  Tenpin  police. 

When  this  was  over  Jimmieboy  said  good 
evening  to  the  Doll-Baby  and  arm  in  arm  with 
Blackey,  who  came  after  him,  marched  across 
the  room  to  where  sat  little  Cinderella,  with 
whom  he  was  to  enjoy  the  waltz. 

"  I've  never  met  Cinderwella  before,"  said 
Jimmieboy  to  Blackey.  il  How  is  she,  pleas- 
ant?" 


228  TIDDLEDYWIXK  TALES. 

"  Quite,"  returned  Blackey,  "  if  she  likes 
you.  If  she  doesn't  she'll  sneer  at  your 
clothes.  She's  a  queer  girl.  I  wrote  a  few 
lines  about  her  last  winter.  They  go  like 
this  : 


CINDERELLA. 

"  She  isn't  a  particle  proud, 

Though  dressed  in  rich  satins  and  chintz. 
She  mingles  right  in  with  the  crowd 
Although  she  has  married  the  Prince. 

"  She's  pretty  as  ever  likewise, 

And  hasn't  forgot  that  the  book 
Which  brought  her  before  public  eyes 
Asserts  that  she  knows  how  to  cook. 

"Should  she  take  a  fancy  to  you 

You'll  note  a  soft  light  in  her  eye — 
She'll  offer  when  dancing  is  through 
To  bake  you  a  fine  pigeon  pie. 

"  But  should  you  by  ill-luck  displease, 

She'll  give  you  the  chillingest  frown — 
A  glance  that  your  marrow  will  freeze — 
And  ask  if  you  made  your  own  gown." 

"I  hope  she  yikes  me,"  said  Jimmieboy,  a 
little  nervously.  "  I  don't  have  a  good  time 
as  a  usual  thing  when  I'm  with  people  who 
don't  yike  me." 


THE   'PIDDLED YWTNK  BALL.  229 

"As  I've  said  in  my  new  book  of  poems," 
said  Blackey,  putting  his  arm  about  Jimmie- 
boy's  waist,  "  in  a  little  verse  called  'To  Jim- 
mieboy/ 


Should  you  say  aught  about  me, 
To  make  me  wish  to  strike  you, 

Just  knowing  you  would  flout  me 
And  really  make  me  like  you. 

And  should  you  end  by  liking  me, 
By  all  the  stars  above  you, 

You  could  not  e'en  by  striking  me 
Make  me  do  aught  but  love  you. 


In  other  words,  my  dear  Jimmieboy," 
continued  Blackey  affectionately,  "  nobody 
can  help  liking  you  whatever  you  may  do  or 
say." 

"You  dear  old  fing,"  murmured  Jimmie- 
boy, patting  Blackey  gently  on  the  head  ;  and 
then  he  was  introduced  to  Cinderella  just  as 
the  Grass  Hopper  Band  began  playing  the 
waltz,  in  response  to  which  five  lobsters  and 
five  crabs  danced  in  through  the  door  and 
over  the  floor  together. 

"  Isn't  it  comical,"  said  Cinderella,  with  a 
merry  burst  of  laughter. 


23o  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

"  Funniest  thing  I  ever  saw,"  returned 
Jimmieboy. 

"Yes,"  returned  Blackey.  "As  my  book 
says 

A  funnier  thing  than  a  waltzing  crab, 

Or  a  lobster  in  twirling  feather, 
Is  seen  when  the  crab  and  the  lobster  grab 
Each  other's  hands  with  their  nabbiest  nab 
And  glide  over  the  floor  together.'  " 

"  You  don't  dance,  yourself,  do  you,  Miss 
Cinderwella  ?"  asked  Jimmieboy  after  Cin- 
derella had  smiled  duly  at  Blackey's  rhyme. 

"  Not  unless  I  have  a  soft  wood  floor," 
returned  Cinderella.  "  These  hard  wood 
floors  shiver  my  glass  slippers  all  to  pieces." 

"  I  should  fink  they  might,"  returned  Jim- 
mieboy. "  I  s'pose  you  must  bweak  a  gweat 
many  pairs." 

"  Oh  no.  They're  not  so  easy  to  break  as 
some  leather  ones  and  then  they  never  wear 
out.  The  only  real  trouble  with  them  is,"  said 
the  little  Princess,  "that  sometimes  I  go  out 
without  any  on  at  all — they  are  so  clear,  that  I 
cannot  always  tell  whether  I  have  any  on  or 
not  until  I  have  put  my  foot  into  water  some- 
where, and  then  I  can  tell.  If  I  have  them  on, 


THE  TIDDLED  Y  WINK  BALL.  23 1 

my  feet  keep  dry  but  otherwise — oh  dear,  here 
is  that  odious  Mangatoo  coming  up." 

"  Good  evening,"  said  the  Mangatoo. 
"Good  evening,  Cinderella.  I've  found  out 
what  you  wanted  to  know." 

"  Indeed?"  was  the  chilling  response.  "I 
was  not  aware  that  I  had  ever  asked  you  for 
any  information." 

"  Well,  you  did — last  time  I  saw  you.  You 
asked  me  where  I  got  my  clothes,"  persisted 
the  Mangatoo.  "  You  asked  me  if  I  made 'em 
myself,  and  I  couldn't  quite  decide  whether 
I  did  or  not,  and  I've  been  thinking  it 
over." 

It  was  evident  then  to  Jimmieboy  that  Cin- 
derella had  disliked  the  Mangatoo  from  the 
start,  because  he  remembered  Blackey's  poem 
about  her  sneering  at  the  clothes  of  those  for 
whom  she  did  not  care. 

"  Well,  what  conclusion  have  you  reached  ?  " 
returned  Cinderella  coldly. 

"  None,"  answered  the  Mangatoo.  "  But 
I've  got  a  question  to  ask.  Who  made  your 
hair?" 

"  Come,  come,"  said  Jimmieboy,  tap- 
ping the  Mangatoo  with  Cinderella's  fan 


232  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

which  he  held  in  his  hand.  "  That's  not 
polite." 

"  It's  meant  to  be  polite,"  said  the  Manga- 
too.  "  Therefore  it  isn't  impolite.  Did  she 
make  her  hair  ?  " 

"  No — of  course  she  didn't.  It  grew  on 
her  head,"  said  Blackey. 

"  Then  I  didn't  make  my  clothes,  that's  all," 
said  the  Mangatoo,  turning  away.  "  I  grew 
every  feather  of  'em,"  and  then  they  lost  sight 
of  the  strange  bird  in  the  crowd  that  was 
passing  to  and  fro. 

"  Supper's  ready,"  cried  Bluey,  from  the 
other  side  of  the  room.  "  Come  along,  Jim- 
mieboy. You  and  Miss  Green  Tiddledywink 
are  to  go  in  together." 

"  All  wight,"  replied  Jimmieboy,  gleefully, 
for  he  was  rather  hungry.  "  I'm  coming," 
and  then  he  said  to  Cinderella,  "  Good-by, 
Pwincess.  I  hope  we  shall  meet  again." 

"  So  do  I"  answered  Cinderella.  "  And 
when  you  do  come  to  the  Palace  I'll  introduce 
you  to  the  Prince  and  make  you  a  pigeon  pie? 

Then  Jimmieboy  knew  that  Cinderella  liked 
him,  and  with  a  light  happy  heart  he  ran 
across  to  where  Miss  Green  Tiddledywink 


THE  TI DOLED  YWINK  BALL.  233 

awaited  him  and  with  her  he  passed  into  the 
supper  room. 

"We  have  a  special  treat  for  you,"  said 
Bluey,  after  Jimmieboy  was  seated  in  the 
supper  room.  "  Something  you  love  better 
than  anything  else  in  the  world." 

"  What  is  it  ?"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"  It  is  behind  that  curtain  over  there," 
Bluey  answered  with  a  broad  smile — and  the 
Mangatoo  whispered, 

u Bwit forget  the  Comic  Papers" 

"  It  is  behind  the  curtain,"  repeated  Bluey, 
"and  you  must  guess  what  it  is." 

"  Custard  ?"  queried  Jimmieboy. 

"  No,"  cried  Reddy.  " 

"Jelly!"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"  Nope  !"  laughed  Blackey. 

"  Don V  forget  the  Comic  Papers!"  came  from 
the  Mangatoo. 

"  Ice  Cweam!"  said  Jimmieboy. 

"  No-no-no!  "  returned  Greeney.  "  Close 
your  eyes  and  try  to  guess  before  I  count 
three.  What  is  it  that  you  love  more  than  all 
the  rest  of  the  world  put  together. 

"One!" 

*  *  *  * 


234  TWDLEDYWINK  TALES, 

"Two!" 

#  *  #  *  * 

"Three!"  cried  Greeney. 

"  Papa  and  Mamma,"  murmured  Jimmieboy, 
opening  his  eyes  just  as  Greeney  drew  the 
curtain  aside. 


XX. 

BACK   AT  HOME  AGAIN. 

AND  so  it  was.  Jimmieboy  had  guessed 
rightly.  There  behind  the  drawn  curtain 
stood  his  papa  and  his  mamma,  but  when  he 
looked  for  Greeney  and  Bluey  and  Cinderella 
and  the  Mangatoo  and  the  supper  room  he 
could  not  see  them  anywhere. 

Somehow  or  other  he  had  got  back  into 
his  nursery  and  was  lying  flat  on  his  back  in 
his  crib,  while  the  warm  rays  of  the  morning 
sun  streamed  in  through  the  window. 

"  Where  have  the  Widdledywinks  gone?" 
he  asked,  rubbing  his  eyes  and  looking  about 
him. 

"  Oh,  they're  all  right  in  their  basket,"  said 


236  TIDDLEDYWINK  TALES. 

• 

papa,  catching  him  up  and  giving  him  a  re- 
sounding kiss.  "  Aren't  you  tired  of  the  Tid- 
dledywinks  yet  ?"  he  added,  tossing  the  basket 
full  of  them  on  Jimmieboy's  lap. 

"  No,"  said  Jimmieboy.  "  I  love  them  more 
than  ever,"  and  then  taking  Blackey  in  his 
hand  he  kissed  him  and  whispered,  "  Don't  I, 
Blackey." 

But  Blackey  said  never  a  word  in  rhyme  or 
otherwise.  He  had  evidently  gone  to  sleep, 
as  had  also  the  Snappers  and  all  the  others, 
Blue,  Green,  Yellow,  Red  and  White. 

As  for  the  Mangatoo,  Jimmieboy  has  saved 
the  Comic  Papers  for  him,  but  not  knowing  his 
address  cannot  send  them,  and,  strange  to  say, 
the  Tiddledywinks  have  always  kept  silent 
when  Jimmieboy  has  requested  information 
as  to  his  whereabouts. 


. 


BOOK 


A  r>*ai 

I  M  r^T2211311::^--—  __ 


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